My first AA meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 70
My first AA meeting
Well I bit the bullet and attended an AA meeting last night.
I was soooooo nervous, my heart was pounding and I was sweating (oops, I mean glistening) like a pig, but I walked in there. Immediately 2 people introduced themselves to me, shook my hand, etc. Gotta get used to that, there were quite a few sniffles in the room and I'm a bit germ-phobic, just can't stand being sick.
I was suprised how many and how varied the people were. If you were to classify everyone in america and put them into groups ie: punk, housewife, grandfather, career woman, hippy, gay/lesbian, preppy, etc, they were all there represented. Also quite a few young women. Turns out I went to the meeting that splits off into the women's group and men's group so that was kind of cool.
You could tell the people that were there because of court order, that's for sure. Bored, eyes rolling, no participation, pretty rude. A friend of mine had to go twice a week court ordered after her 2nd DWI and was one of those I'm sure. A total hypocrite. In a former life I picked her up from a meeting so we could go out to the bar.
They prayed ALOT. I just looked at the floor respectfully, hope nobody was offended that I didn't join in. Then the waterworks started. two women had been through rough things in the last week. I feel very bad for them, both situations suck big ones for sure. I thought we would be talking about alcoholism though? Ok I just sound mean, I'm not, I just don't know these people and it was a little overwhelming.
When the chips time came everyone looked at me when the white one was offered, I didn't go get one. Not because I've not quit drinking (6 days!), but because I was nervous and embarrassed, and feel a little silly about it. then they gave others and came back to the white!!! I think it was a little much trying to single me out like that as I was the only newcomer. But I'm sure I'm just interpreting it wrong and they were doing it because they care. I was so ill at ease at that point I was practically vibrating.
At the end everyone gathered around to chat and a couple of ladies asked for my phone # so I gave it to them. I wonder if I will be hypocritical if I continue to go once a week so I can maybe make some nondrinking new friends, and discuss and learn and help others, but not do the prayers and steps etc. there are some things I have to work through before I can do that, especially the turning over of my will to a higher power. My will has gotten me this far, for much good and some bad, it's when I gave up will that everything became a mess. Spiritual laziness is the best way to describe it I think.
All in all it was not a bad experience and I plan to go back. they are having a picnic in october and I think I will try to go to that too. It will be interesting to bbq without a beer in my hand..... dude I'm scared.
I was soooooo nervous, my heart was pounding and I was sweating (oops, I mean glistening) like a pig, but I walked in there. Immediately 2 people introduced themselves to me, shook my hand, etc. Gotta get used to that, there were quite a few sniffles in the room and I'm a bit germ-phobic, just can't stand being sick.
I was suprised how many and how varied the people were. If you were to classify everyone in america and put them into groups ie: punk, housewife, grandfather, career woman, hippy, gay/lesbian, preppy, etc, they were all there represented. Also quite a few young women. Turns out I went to the meeting that splits off into the women's group and men's group so that was kind of cool.
You could tell the people that were there because of court order, that's for sure. Bored, eyes rolling, no participation, pretty rude. A friend of mine had to go twice a week court ordered after her 2nd DWI and was one of those I'm sure. A total hypocrite. In a former life I picked her up from a meeting so we could go out to the bar.
They prayed ALOT. I just looked at the floor respectfully, hope nobody was offended that I didn't join in. Then the waterworks started. two women had been through rough things in the last week. I feel very bad for them, both situations suck big ones for sure. I thought we would be talking about alcoholism though? Ok I just sound mean, I'm not, I just don't know these people and it was a little overwhelming.
When the chips time came everyone looked at me when the white one was offered, I didn't go get one. Not because I've not quit drinking (6 days!), but because I was nervous and embarrassed, and feel a little silly about it. then they gave others and came back to the white!!! I think it was a little much trying to single me out like that as I was the only newcomer. But I'm sure I'm just interpreting it wrong and they were doing it because they care. I was so ill at ease at that point I was practically vibrating.
At the end everyone gathered around to chat and a couple of ladies asked for my phone # so I gave it to them. I wonder if I will be hypocritical if I continue to go once a week so I can maybe make some nondrinking new friends, and discuss and learn and help others, but not do the prayers and steps etc. there are some things I have to work through before I can do that, especially the turning over of my will to a higher power. My will has gotten me this far, for much good and some bad, it's when I gave up will that everything became a mess. Spiritual laziness is the best way to describe it I think.
All in all it was not a bad experience and I plan to go back. they are having a picnic in october and I think I will try to go to that too. It will be interesting to bbq without a beer in my hand..... dude I'm scared.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey Mrs. Murph- Don't be scared...I just attended my third meeting the other day and it was the first one where I was not "glistening like a pig" - don't get me wrong, I was glistening still, but just not quite so bad...
If you care to read back through some old threads, you will see that I was a complete nervous wreck and had to get a LOT of encouragement (and butt whippin') from people on this board to get through the door of the first one.
It is overwhelming, and it is mind boggling (people sharing what I consider TMI), but I realize that I had closed off so many parts of myself in order to be a drunk, that I have a lot of learning to do about living sober. Not saying you are the same, but maybe it's food for thought...emotions, feelings, closeness to people that is true can't come from a bottle, it has to come from the heart...and when alcohol is involved, those things can't be real...it's not possible. I know I have to adjust to living in the "real" world again. So, when I go to meetings, I try to keep a (nervous) open mind!
I'm sure many people who are far more expert than I will be along soon to give you more encouragment and share their stories...hang in there at AA, and hang in here, too! As many people told me when I first came to these boards, it only gets better!
If you care to read back through some old threads, you will see that I was a complete nervous wreck and had to get a LOT of encouragement (and butt whippin') from people on this board to get through the door of the first one.
It is overwhelming, and it is mind boggling (people sharing what I consider TMI), but I realize that I had closed off so many parts of myself in order to be a drunk, that I have a lot of learning to do about living sober. Not saying you are the same, but maybe it's food for thought...emotions, feelings, closeness to people that is true can't come from a bottle, it has to come from the heart...and when alcohol is involved, those things can't be real...it's not possible. I know I have to adjust to living in the "real" world again. So, when I go to meetings, I try to keep a (nervous) open mind!
I'm sure many people who are far more expert than I will be along soon to give you more encouragment and share their stories...hang in there at AA, and hang in here, too! As many people told me when I first came to these boards, it only gets better!
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