hi
 

I'm new here. I just wanted to get a bit of advice about AA meetings.
I am sober three weeks today and have found it very hard. In recent days I have found myself thinking that I maybe wasn't as bad as I thought I was or that I will be able to drink 'normally' if I start again. I know rationally that this is not the case but I just wondered if anyone else had those sorts of feelings when they gave up and also thought that maybe I should attend AA meetings as a way of reminding myself of how bad it is when I drink. I have sourced an AA meeting in my local area but I don't know how to go about attending. Do I just show up? What happens when I get there? Will they make me stand up and say I'm an a alcoholic in front of everyone? I'd be grateful for any advice.

Also, any tips on sleeping? Sleepless nights and bad skin have been a nightmare!

Hi and welcome. I would look for an open AA meeting. This is typically where speakers share their stories. Nobody should make you do anything, except feel welcome. Listen to the stories and try to relate. it worked for me.

so can I just go there or do I have to call first?

Hi Lelping,
I am in early recovery too. I have been to a couple of open AA meetings where I have just sat and listened to what other people have been through. Its worth going to get a copy of the big book too.

Its funny you mention the rationalizing of drinking because thats been the biggest problem I have faced. Deep down I know I have a major problem but I am constantly trying to convince myself that I wasnt really so bad and that I should at least give myself a chance to try and control my drinking before I give up for good and so on. Its a very hard thing to resist because it is cravings in desguise. They are coming to you in your own voice cloaked in reason and logic. Unlike the more obvious pangs that I experienced quitting smoking where the cravings were obvious, almost tangeably detached from me and could be identified and dealt with drink cravings are so much more part of you and are very hard to distinguish from your true self.

Does this make sense? I hope it does. I also think that they become easier to manager as time passes and you learn to identify the sneaky underhand tricks this illness plays.

Good luck and welcome to the forum :)

Thanks Octo. I will get myself to a meeting asap. It's nice to hear someone else say that they are having the same thoughts as me.

nice to meet you, lelping. congrats on your sober time. just show up at the meeting and listen..blessings, k

Hi,

I'm glad you found us!

What you are hearing is your addict voice talking to you and trying to convince you that you can drink normally. Recognizing that voice is a big step in recovery because then you can begin to deal with it.

Just go. No appointments, no billing, no hassles, no questions. Throw some money in the basket at the end of the meeting, or don't, it's up to you.

lelping welcome to SR.

One very important thing to remember about AA...... there is only one rule & that rule is that there are no rules!!!!

If you are an alcoholic or think you may be there is only one requirement to be a member of AA and attend any meetings (Except ladies only) and that is a desire to stop drinking.

AA meetings are like people, every meeting has its own personality, keep going to different meetings until you find several that you like.

One very important thing when listening at a meeting is to listen for things that you can relate to, do not try and find differences between your self and those speaking, even though we are alcoholics with many similarities in our stories we are also individuals, you will find in AA people from every walk of life, you will find blacks & whites, athiest, agnostics, Christians, Muslims, & Jews, you will find male & female, the old and the young, but we all have a great deal in common if you relate into AA whether then looking for a way to relate out of AA. Trust me our disease will fight hard to have us relate out because it knows that AA is the solution.

Show up a bit early for meetings and be prepared to stay a bit late, some of the best stuff is before and after the meetings in many cases.

thanks very much for the advice. I am going to a meeting on Saturday and will let you know how it goes x

There are different types of meetings, or themes if you will but in all cases it's a group of people in a room sitting in chairs.

If you want to you can just go in ,sit in the back, say nothing to anyone, and no-one will bother you.

I reccommend that you go a bit early, say hi to a couple of folks, and if you wish, let someone know that you are new.

As Taz said, no rules. You are a member if you say so and no-one can kick you out.

Also as Taz mentioned, look for how you are like those who talk. We say to identify, not compare.

I wish you the best, and I feel certain that you will have a good experience.

If you want to find people in person like those you met here, go to AA.

It works for me!

You've already gotten a lot of good advice; but, I'll try to address your questions/concerns one-by-one myself.

How well I remember, listening to the stories and wanting to believe I was somehow "different"...as they say in AA, "Denial is not just a river in Egypt" (or something like that).

Excellent idea...it's called keeping the memory green. "He who forgets to remember is doomed to repeat."

Yes.

Sit back, relax, and listen.

No...you've been watching too many movies/tv shows. LOL That is usually a depiction of an "open meeting". Even at a closed discussion meeting, you need only say, "My name is_________and I don't want to drink today." (You don't even have to identify yourself as an alcoholic, until you feel comfortable doing so.)

My first sponsor used to say, "No one ever died from lack of sleep," or "This, too, shall pass." She was right...

Good luck on your continued sobriety...the joy is in the journey!

hey, i have not been here long but i know what you are saying, i am 6 months pregnant and still cant stay sober and clean, but i know that it is a matter of choice and the people that i surround myself with so i have to clean up my act if i ever want to make it anywhere. you can do it, keep writting here the people are grat and are sooooo helpful, you can do it, lean on the people here, where you're at and most importany your higher power...good luck, and do it for you

hi...:)
Here is a link on sleeping problems...

http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/

Your skin will soon look better...
the toxins are being expelled.
You will also notice your hair shines
and eyes sparkle

Eating healthy foods will benefit
your new looks!...:)

Glad to see you are open to suggestions

Welcome to SR.

lelping yep, it might help the built in forgeter from forget'n...

hi, i'm rusty, and i'm a grateful alk'y holic!

yep, for me... a clean, sober and long hard day of work and recovery... when i hit the kivers... its out'n'z...

i do wake up a few times for a hit'n'run in the kitchen...

good wishes lelp

xxoo, rz

Hi Lelping - and welcome!

about the meetings -

the hradest meeting to go to is the first one.

and yes, it's very 'normal' (in a very alcoholic way) to start second guessing yourself when a few days /weeks hav gone by.

Sometimes - you can call ahead and someone will meet you outside and walk in with you. here, we'll come get ya if you need that. Even if we've never met. But some cities are just too large, and it's too dangerous and all that.

You'll get greeted. Trust me.

The hardest meeting to go to is the first one.
it's also the only one we're truly late for . LOL

welcome again!

Hi Lelping and welcome to SR,

I think you will feel right at home at meetings...Keep posting...

So glad you found us...

For this old drunk I have found that AA meetings are the only place I have ever been where people understood me and I understood them! When I am in the rooms I am safe from the outside world, in the rooms I learn how to be safe in the outside world.

Hi, Just thought I'd update. I got myself to my first AA meeting last night and it was fantastic. I was warmly welcomed and found myself identifying with so many people's experiences. It was also a sad moment too because I so wanted to believe that I wasn't an alcoholic and that I certainly would never need to attend AA. Thankfully, a sad moment in a safe place with no alcohol!

Quite a few people took my number afterwards and have already called to offer to take me to other meetings. So, I just wanted to say thanks for encouraging me to go and tell anyone who is wavering to give it a try. Amazing people, amazing place.

x

Hi Lelp.

Welcome to SR and to recovery. Thanks for letting us know how you got on. I am really pleased it went well for you.

I didn't expect to grow up to be an alcoholic either. It wasn't on my list of desired achievements if you know what I mean. AA makes the difference for me. I have met the most wonderful people. Now I just have to grow up. Hehe.

way to go on getting to that meeting!

I'm so glad you went to a meeting, and found it to be such a positive experience. I love AA - it saved my life.
I hope you continue going to meetings, and that you keep us updated on your progress.

Rowan

I haven't been to my first meeting yet, glad you got on ok Lelping - this thread has given me more confidence to actually go to my first one. It will be on Sunday I think as that is when they meet here.

Didn't say anything about open meetings or anything so can I just appear? Also, I find it hard to communicate with people sometimes (don't know why, I never used to be like that) when not drunk, so I also hope they don't expect me to stand up and tell them all about myself etc?

Lelping glad to hear your meeting went well, keep in mind that not all meetings are the same, they are like people, some are very serious, others are pretty laid back. Keep checking out meetings until you find a good mix of people & meetings to get the support you need.

RK if you want to stop drinking you can go to any AA meeting you want to unless it is a ladies only meeting. You can sit anywhere you want and not say a word if you do not want to. If someone asks if you would like to share, just say "No thanks, I am just listening."

Keep in mind that every sober alcohlic in AA had to go to a "First Meeting!".

I have heard it said in the rooms that we are only late to one meeting no matter how many we go to. We are always late getting to our first meeting!

Thanks m8, that's very encouraging. I'll probably just sit in the background at first. Just had no idea what to expect. This site is amazing.

Hi RK. Go go go. I went to my second meeting tonight (a different meeting from the one on Tuesday) and I think I have been blessed because again it was a great experience. Different to the first but I definitely feel like I have found my people. I had heard some horror stories about meetings being cliquey and un-welcoming but this has not been my experience at all. No one will make you do anything you don't want to do. At the first meeting I just sat at the back and listened. In the meeting tonight it was a little different as everyone was asked to introduce themselves and state how long they had been sober. In my case having to say "I am an alcoholic, 5 weeks sober" was very very difficult but also very freeing. You will hear a lot of talk about steps and sponsors which is quite confusing at first but don't worry about all of that. Just go, listen and see if you can relate to what you are hearing. After sixteen years of binge drinking I felt like there was no one in the world who was the same as me or who could possibly understand what I was going through and it has been such a relief to find out that I am not alone. Good luck on Sunday; I hope that you have the same experience as me.

I'm sooo happy for you Lelping!!!! I LOVEEEEEEE meetings. And way to go on 5 weeks!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

:cheer

Congrats on hitting up your first two meetings. I went to my first last Thursday and yesterday was the only day I did not attend since. I can't wait to go tonight. I need it.