Jomey

Hi everyone - Here I am on day 22- and boy am I feeling better everyday! We went camping over the weekend, and I ran into a situation I would like to run past yall.

We are "seasonal" campers, so we know alot of our "neighbors" at the campground in a passing way. Now and again, we will share a snack (and in the past for me ) and drinks around the campfire. Well, with this being a holiday weekend, everybody was drinking and walking around socializing.

I wonder what you tell people about stopping. I read one book that suggested it is ok to make up any lie as long it stops you from drinking. AA recommends "rigorous honesty". I am not even ready emotionally to open up to my family about my changes yet -too emotional - only my husband knows I have stopped drinking - so how do you handle people that are in the "hi, how yall doin" and they don't really expect to hear an answer about how me and family are doing other than "great and yall?"

I got offered a lot of drinks over the weekend and just said no thanks, but a couple people who know I was a drinker were saying things like "What are you sick or something?" I just said, yeah, sorta, that kind of thing. I am so sick of lying and hiding drinking, etc. I lean towards the "rigorous honesty" I guess, but it's hard to know exactly what to say.

Sorry if this is a dorky question - my brain is still a little slow and I honestly never thought it was a question I would need to answer! (but boy am I glad it is!)

Thanks for any input! Have a great day!

Missymae737

Hi Jomey,

I am honest and to the point...I simply tell whomever that I have an allergy towards alcohol...I also tell whomever that I do not like the person I become while under the influence...

The reason for this is I am no longer angry and ashamed I am an alcoholic...

SaTiT

it's not a dorkey question, we all went throught it.

I just tell people i don't drink anymore. So it dosn't become a conversation piece.
I don't draw attention to myself...it's odd for an alki not to want all the attention
or to be the center of the universe.lol

Sometimes people will really, really wanna know why?
I just tell them, I'm allergic to it.


might seem wierd or a ridiuclus idea at first...
but there's actaully people in this world that had never drank alcohol
or did drugs..lol Drugs and alcohol was never a part of there lives
and they didn't center their lives around it.

Jomey

Hi Missy - Thanks...I am one of those people who tends to ramble once they get started, so thanks a lot for the "short and to the point" answer. It really is a big help.

parentrecovers

glad you were able to enjoy your camping weekend - sober. blessings, k

Jomey

Hi SaTIT- You summed it up perfectly - I do not want it to be a conversation piece or me to be in the "spotlight" for my decision. If people press me, I don't really want to share with them all the ins and outs of why I quit. I am truly not ashamed, in fact, I am actually beginning to feel an ounce of pride in myself for the first time in a long, long time, but it's so personal, I can barely express it. I'll use the "allergic" answer, because even if my body is not truly allergic to drinking, my life certainly is!!!!

Thanks!

Jomey

Thanks, K, I did enjoy the weekend & I do indeed feel blessed!!!

Jersey Nonny

Define "acquaintances"...if it's someone you see once a year or so at a campgrounds, I don't think you need to bare your soul. A cordial, "Thanks, but I don't feel like drinking today" should suffice.

Quote:

AA recommends "rigorous honesty".

True, but it doesn't mean shouting from the hilltops, "Hey, look at me...I'm a recovering alcoholic!"

After almost 28 years of AA sobriety, I've learned to be very cautious about who I confide in...sad to say, in this so-called enlightened age, that there is still a stigma attached to the word "alcoholic". I am neither ashamed of my alcholism, nor do I flaunt it...especially to folks who are "social drinkers"...it can be very intimidating for them.

You'll learn through experience who you can trust with the facts about your recovery. Of course, you can't go wrong by letting any treating physician, dentist, etc. know...heck, I even made sure my foot doctor had a record...you never know when the knowledge may prove imperative.

Good luck on making it through the Labor Day weekend sober! May it be just the first of many, many sober times for you and your family!

Jomey

Hi Jersey - Thanks for the solid advice. The LAST thing I want to do is shout anything from the hilltops!! ha ha!! I am amazed, in a sad way, about how hard it is to figure "honesty" out after years of dishonesty related to drinking, so thanks for the words of wisdom!

SaTiT

Ask Missy said, I'm no longer ashame of being an alcoholic, cuz I'm not a drunk.

I choose AA as one of the places to seek help and support.
Working the steps helps me a lot. Self esteem issues, guilt, shame
and stuff like that. I'm one of the sick ones. I just couldn't
get drunk anymore and live. Working the 12 steps help me to live in my own
skin. Well becuase when I got sober i felt like a duck out of water
and it felt wierd all the way around to actaully see life as it is without
a fog in front of my eyes.lol

Congrats on your 22 days

Tazman53

Just one old goats opinion here, tell them what ever you are comfortable with and it takes to stop them from annoying you. I know some folks who use the allergy and if asked what type of symptoms they experience they tell them they break out in hand cuffs!!!

Me? I could give a rats patoot if some one knows I am an alcoholic, as long as they know I am no longer a practicing alcoholic. I look at it as a possible 12th step call, who knows..... maybe that person asking you to have a drink would like to stop, if they would they may very well ask me how I quit. An opportunity to share the solution I found.

Oh yea congrats on the 22 days!!!

AcceptingChange

i don't tell anyone. i just say "none for me thanks".
around my family who drinks, i've noticed a bit of change in how they relate to me. not too much, but every drinker wants another drinkin buddy. now that i'm not grabbing a drink and filling it up a couple times, they see the change. no one has ever asked about it. i guess if they did, i'd say "i'm driving" or something like that.
i'm finding these social gatherings boring now. i relied too much on the alcohol to generate conversation in me.

Jomey

Thanks, everyone, for all the advice. Taz, I love ya, "breaking out in hand cuffs!" I will HAVE to use that sometime soon- no matter what!!!!!!! Gotta run- more later.

Jersey Nonny

Hmmmmmn...how about, "I've quit drinking, because I found it was doing me more harm than good." Can't be more honest than that, unless they insist on knowing all the gorey details. But, if they're more than just casual acquaintances, they've probably already seen you in action...some may even be silently grateful you've stopped.

I'll never forget, when I wound up in detox, asking my sister if she told our Mom where I was. She had, and Mom's response was, "Thank Goodness she's doing something about her problem." She wasn't supposed to know I had a problem.

Of course, a few years later, when I told her I was in AA, she said, "You're not really an alcoholic...you just drank too much." Uh, huh!

chicago

well i thought i was honest until i ran into several girls i knew way back when on the sundeck of my gym this past weekend. they arent in AA and dont know i am in AA. i never mentioned the fact that im in the program. not sure why, but i just didnt. needless to say...i wont be going back to the sundeck anymore. being around normal people too much puts me in a bad place...even if no alcohol is around. i just feel like im not being myself.

Surlyredhead

Well, for me, I just say that I am in recovery and leave it at that. If someone asks why, I just look them dead in the eye and say...I wasn't always the sweet gal you see before you...or...that stuff almost killed me. In a little over 13 years sober, no one has ran screaming in the other direction...if they did...then it would be their loss. I am not proud that I am an Alcoholic....but I am not ashamed either..it just IS.

Cathy

Jersey Nonny

Quote:

i never mentioned the fact that im in the program. not sure why, but i just didnt.

Obviously, the reason you didn't mention it is because there was no need to. If you ran into some old friends, you wouldn't say, "Oh, by the way, I contracted cancer since the last time I saw you"...now, would you? You were being as honest as you needed to be...and, you don't have to volunteer personal information unnecessarily. And, being a recovering alcoholic in AA is a very personal matter, mostly to be shared with close family and friends. Don't skirt the issue, if it should come up; but, don't open a can of worms either, if you don't have to.

indigo

I tell people straight out and then there's no confusion or trying to tempt me....it works.

Rusty Zipper

jomey.. for me... if asked, i just say no thanks...

nobody really gives a rats (_rz_) if i do or dont... bottom line...

their way more important then me! lol

all good wishes jomey...

keep work'n what works...

xxoo, zip

calabash

I confront this in the business environment, where coctails and drinking are part of the way business is done. And I was once a eager participant! I also know that many of these relationships are superficial, business oriented, and so not the place I feel people need to know I am an alcoholic. I just say no thanks, and drink something non alcoholic. If pressed, I say I'm on an antibiotic, designated driver, or similar white lie. If really pressed I say I am allergic to alcohol. No one has asked me yet howe that allergy manifestsLol

Some of my key clients know I am an addict/alcoholic. When I went into recovery my servfice to them was bad. When I came out I msade a decision to tell the most important ones. Everyone expressed relief, no one changed there relationship, some shared there own stories of addiction.

In Just for Today on 3 Sept the reading really struck me. It stated that anonymity is critical to recovery. Thuis also means just getting on with recovery - not making it the centre of discussion etc. In early recovery I wanted everyone to know - now I keep it to myself, and just get on with it.