my anger turned to violence... I dont like it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Appreciate everyones input, unfortunately I dont agree, and certainly dont need to justify myself to any of you. Especially those of you who think they are all high and mighty cause they have clean time
The girl I hit doesnt even agree cause she came here this morning to apologize to me.
She told me she decided to stop drinking for now cause the same thing happens to her all the time. Explained that she doesnt know when to lay off and likes to push peoples buttons till they snap. she said she was so sorry and that she knew what she was doing, she would have bugged me all night for me to make the callif I hadnt knoscked her down a few pegs.
I told her I highly advice that she lay off the brandy.
Back to not being in agreement, I dont think nA or AA will be an option for me and it is clear most of you thta replied have a different take on the situation so I think it might be time to take an SR break.
Their are many of you I have come to like and care quite a bit about, but I just dont feel like I fit in anymore.
I congratulate all that have found sobriety and wish the best to the people still suffering.
im sure I will check in I always seem to find my way back here eventually.
Normally I would say peace, but since you all think I am a brute and thug I guess Ill save it. You can all think what you want, but I know me and im not violent
oh yea I hope everyone has an enjoyable and SAFE labor day
The girl I hit doesnt even agree cause she came here this morning to apologize to me.
She told me she decided to stop drinking for now cause the same thing happens to her all the time. Explained that she doesnt know when to lay off and likes to push peoples buttons till they snap. she said she was so sorry and that she knew what she was doing, she would have bugged me all night for me to make the callif I hadnt knoscked her down a few pegs.
I told her I highly advice that she lay off the brandy.
Back to not being in agreement, I dont think nA or AA will be an option for me and it is clear most of you thta replied have a different take on the situation so I think it might be time to take an SR break.
Their are many of you I have come to like and care quite a bit about, but I just dont feel like I fit in anymore.
I congratulate all that have found sobriety and wish the best to the people still suffering.
im sure I will check in I always seem to find my way back here eventually.
Normally I would say peace, but since you all think I am a brute and thug I guess Ill save it. You can all think what you want, but I know me and im not violent
oh yea I hope everyone has an enjoyable and SAFE labor day
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I'm sorry if I might have sounded too harsh...or maybe it came off a bit uncaring. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I will do anything within my power to help someone get and stay sober.
It's just that anger makes me angry, and violence scares the heck out of me! When I first started going to discussion meetings, it seemed every topic was "Anger". I would be fine...but, by the time the discussion got around to me, I would be angry! And, violence just reminds me of the drunken battles my husband and I used to have...it's lucky one or the other of us didn't wind up dead. Since I've been sober a good number of years, I no longer have uncontrolled anger, nor do I wish to beat the crap out of anyone...no matter how much I might think they deserve it.
You really need to get your priorities in order, and your sobriety comes first! If your boyfriend doesn't help you, then he's certainly hurting you.
It's just that anger makes me angry, and violence scares the heck out of me! When I first started going to discussion meetings, it seemed every topic was "Anger". I would be fine...but, by the time the discussion got around to me, I would be angry! And, violence just reminds me of the drunken battles my husband and I used to have...it's lucky one or the other of us didn't wind up dead. Since I've been sober a good number of years, I no longer have uncontrolled anger, nor do I wish to beat the crap out of anyone...no matter how much I might think they deserve it.
You really need to get your priorities in order, and your sobriety comes first! If your boyfriend doesn't help you, then he's certainly hurting you.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Beth, I had to get my BB out cause I think it fits this situation:
"Before AA I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions."
Honey, I don't think anyone here is being holier than thou..folks are trying to help you. Yes, it sounds as if your living situation is hell. Yes, you were dealing with someone drunk and unreasonable. Nobody here is living a life as pristine as Gandhi's life.
But, step away from yourself for a minute, and look at how it sounds to us reading. Anger, resentment, violence. All of us have that within us. With the fellowship and the tools that AA gives me I no longer have to give in to them. My only hope for you is that you too find that peace..
Love,
Karen
"Before AA I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions."
Honey, I don't think anyone here is being holier than thou..folks are trying to help you. Yes, it sounds as if your living situation is hell. Yes, you were dealing with someone drunk and unreasonable. Nobody here is living a life as pristine as Gandhi's life.
But, step away from yourself for a minute, and look at how it sounds to us reading. Anger, resentment, violence. All of us have that within us. With the fellowship and the tools that AA gives me I no longer have to give in to them. My only hope for you is that you too find that peace..
Love,
Karen
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Hey bfree, sorry you're having a rough go at it.
You last post reminds me of me before recovery found me. The Big Book calls us sensitive. I used to firmly believe I was thick skinned, but I was really sensitive to the advice of others especially because somewhere deep down inside I knew I was wrong.
I really hope you find and embrace a good recovery program. I don't have the time Jersey does, but I am also free of uncontrolled anger. In fact, I haven't been "really " angry since I started recovery 10 months ago.
You last post reminds me of me before recovery found me. The Big Book calls us sensitive. I used to firmly believe I was thick skinned, but I was really sensitive to the advice of others especially because somewhere deep down inside I knew I was wrong.
I really hope you find and embrace a good recovery program. I don't have the time Jersey does, but I am also free of uncontrolled anger. In fact, I haven't been "really " angry since I started recovery 10 months ago.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Beth,
Come on now. No, you don't need to justify your actions to any of us, but from what I can read, thats where all of your consciuosness is pouring right now. You are doing an excellent job of building a case to justify your actions, and you obviously don't want input that will challenge you.
So. How do you feel?
Come on now. No, you don't need to justify your actions to any of us, but from what I can read, thats where all of your consciuosness is pouring right now. You are doing an excellent job of building a case to justify your actions, and you obviously don't want input that will challenge you.
So. How do you feel?
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
I dont believe in putting my hands on anyone, but I snapped. I hit her in the face closed and open fist a few times. She left than came back this happenned 3 times. Im not kidding by the last time she showed up I almost killed her. I COULD HAVE KILLED HER
I dont need anger management I needed sleep.
I do hope you find what you need though. I'm sure people here will continue to listen and respond... you'd be doing yourself a favor by trying to hear what they're saying to you. Good luck.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
and by the way, clean time does not just happen. I work very heard every day to stay drug free, look at myself and move forward. Consequently I am getting better and have a good life, free from fear.
Kevin
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: corpus christi, tx
Posts: 211
The middle word in life is 'IF', Mistakes happen to every body at one time or another. Learn from it and move on. I'm not the A in my family and I'm not sure that I wouldn't have reacted the same way . I'm not a nice person when I feel bad, not even to my dogs. This too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 180
Hi Beth...
I can really understand not wanting to do the program- I'm not in the program myself and never will be. I know that people can get and stay sober without it. I will say, however that my staying clean means that I can't hang around with people who are not. I can't impress upon you enough how important this is. So the fact that you're living with a dude who's a crackhead and hangs out with the same (or whatever it is he does) is opening you up for huge temptation and exposing you to people like the chick who wouldn't leave you alone. I hope you're still reading...I did the same thing you did once and I am the least likely person to smack anybody on the planet. Like you, I was also sleep deprived. In fact, my girl friend wouldn't let me sleep because we were in a fight and she wouldn't let it drop. Finally, at three a:m, I got up for the billionth time (she'd been following me around the apartment, from bed to couch and back, as I was trying to get away from her), picked up a chair and threw it across the room...then, I went up to her and screaming at her, I shoved her as hard as I could. She fled the apartment and then I was worried to death that the cops would be at the door next. It was the worst night of my life. I moved out one week later- who knows how I would have ended up? I hope you can find another place to live, because this living situation is going to keep you down and it may land you in more trouble- how would you like a new charge that's sprung from that crazy chick? It's not worth it. Hang in there...
I can really understand not wanting to do the program- I'm not in the program myself and never will be. I know that people can get and stay sober without it. I will say, however that my staying clean means that I can't hang around with people who are not. I can't impress upon you enough how important this is. So the fact that you're living with a dude who's a crackhead and hangs out with the same (or whatever it is he does) is opening you up for huge temptation and exposing you to people like the chick who wouldn't leave you alone. I hope you're still reading...I did the same thing you did once and I am the least likely person to smack anybody on the planet. Like you, I was also sleep deprived. In fact, my girl friend wouldn't let me sleep because we were in a fight and she wouldn't let it drop. Finally, at three a:m, I got up for the billionth time (she'd been following me around the apartment, from bed to couch and back, as I was trying to get away from her), picked up a chair and threw it across the room...then, I went up to her and screaming at her, I shoved her as hard as I could. She fled the apartment and then I was worried to death that the cops would be at the door next. It was the worst night of my life. I moved out one week later- who knows how I would have ended up? I hope you can find another place to live, because this living situation is going to keep you down and it may land you in more trouble- how would you like a new charge that's sprung from that crazy chick? It's not worth it. Hang in there...
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I dont think nA or AA will be an option for me
I see you have posted well over 1,000 times at SR, and that's a good thing. But, why not take advantage of all the options open to you? This is your life we're talking about here.
I can really understand not wanting to do the program- I'm not in the program myself and never will be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
My daughter is my addict. She never witnessed violence growing up. Yet she and her abf practice it on each other almost daily. I know that it is part of the lifestyle that goes along with her addiction. The more desperate they get, the more violent they become. Recently he was in a bar fight and some guy who had had enough of his drunken tirade hit him with a cue ball and broke his jaw in 4 places. Did he deserve it? No, but I can understand how it happened. When my daughter called to tell me the news, I prayed for him, but reminded her that if not for the addiction, they would not have been in the bar that night. A week later I got the middle of the night call from my daughter sobbing that the abf had beaten her. When the police arrived, she would not press charges, so they did not take him to jail. That night I told my daughter that she always has choices. It is extremely difficult for me to sit here and wonder when the next time will be and whether she will make it out. Does she deserve the violence because she does not know when to shut up. Does she deserve the violence because she is an addict and her addiction makes her not such a nice person. I don't believe that is true. There is never a good reason to hurt another person if you have other options. Does my daughter have options. Yes she does. She can go to a shelter, she can go to rehab, she can come home if she is willing to live clean. She does none of those things because she wants to be close to the place she can get drugs from and as long as she is not willing to make a clean break from the people, places and things that go with the lifestyle, she will most likely encounter more violence in the future. I can't imagine living like that. Everyone has options. I hope you find an option for you that allows you to escape from that life. Hugs, Marle
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
A lot of wisdom there, Marle...and, I could tell you spoke from a place that was very familiar with one of the 12 Step Programs. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you in her life...I hope she realizes it before it's too late.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
IMO... alcoholics and addicts have a built in self destruct button...
even with clean and sober time, reality can become obscured...
we make our problems, and its up to we to solve them...
bottom line!
good wishes to all
xxoo, rz
even with clean and sober time, reality can become obscured...
we make our problems, and its up to we to solve them...
bottom line!
good wishes to all
xxoo, rz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
nan and Marle, your experiences have made me think about my incident differently.
Thank you.
I did try to go outside to sleep twice,but jOnathan convinced me to come back inside both times promising he wouldnt let her back in. That was when i shoiuld have made the decision to stay out. I was fine had my blanket, pillow and a lounge chair.
I knew she would be back and knew he would let her back in.
She was to drunk to have any kind of sense I should have handled it differently.
its easy for me to say this now cause noones here and im not tired. I hope I stop and take a breath if this ever happens again.
And I am trying to get out of here as soon as possible.
Its to toxic here and I cant make the people around me change just because I want them to.
Thank you.
I did try to go outside to sleep twice,but jOnathan convinced me to come back inside both times promising he wouldnt let her back in. That was when i shoiuld have made the decision to stay out. I was fine had my blanket, pillow and a lounge chair.
I knew she would be back and knew he would let her back in.
She was to drunk to have any kind of sense I should have handled it differently.
its easy for me to say this now cause noones here and im not tired. I hope I stop and take a breath if this ever happens again.
And I am trying to get out of here as soon as possible.
Its to toxic here and I cant make the people around me change just because I want them to.
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