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-   -   Sponsor questions (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/131596-sponsor-questions.html)

bjork 08-28-2007 12:29 PM

Sponsor questions
 
Hello everybody! I have been lurking around for about a week, but today I signed up and this is my first post. I asked a woman to sponsor me two weeks ago. YAY! However, we haven't done anything AA related. We have gotten together for fun once. I am calling her almost every day and leaving brief messages just as a courtesy to let her know I'm doing ok, go to daily meetings, or whatever. We catch eachother maybe once every couple of days and get to talk. She actually lives near me. I am wondering when things usually get rolling with meeting with sponsors, discussing Big Book, working/discussing the steps, sharing stories, the prayers, etc. Are these things someting I should be more focused on doing on my own?

Astro 08-28-2007 12:39 PM

They should get rolling whenever you're ready to do the work, and hopefully she's willing and able to lead you along. Every sponsor takes a different approach, maybe she's waiting for you to ask as an indication of your willingness? Doesn't hurt to be reading the Big Book and praying on your own, the more the better IMO.

There's an AA pamphlet called Questions And Answers On Sponsorship that explains nicely the role of a sponsor. You should be able to pick one up at your meetings or read it online here http://www.aa.org/en_pdfs/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Rowan 08-28-2007 07:28 PM

Hi Bjork,

I'm sorry I missed this thread until now - welcome to Sober Recovery, and welcome to a new way of life. Astro gave you some excellent advice. I believe in open communication, so if you're wondering about these things you asked about, let your sponsor know so that she can begin working the steps with you as soon as possible.
It's a great idea to read the BB, and I found it helpful in early sobriety to attend BB study meetings so that I could get a better grasp of the steps, and how the program worked. I hope this helps. Feel free to continue posting any questions about the program or recovery that may come up, or you are welcome to PM me.

Rowan

barb dwyer 08-29-2007 01:11 AM

hi Bjork -

I recently got a new sponsee, and have also taken a few visits to get to know her a bit before settling down to business. It may be nothing more mysterious than scheduling conflicts, the 'getting to know you' thing, or maybe she's waiting for you to ask when to we get started?
Also - someitmes, it takes a little time going to meetings before some sponsors are comfortable with starting the steps.
You won't know if you don't ask.

Hope that helps - and good job!

CarolD 08-29-2007 01:22 AM

Welcome to SR!
:)
Do read what Astro suggested

Glad you are moving forward!

Jersey Nonny 08-29-2007 10:44 AM

Agreed...there are no hard and fast "rules"...most sponsors follow the procedures and pace set by their own sponsors. You do need to feel comfortable with each other...attending some meetings together, having coffee afterwards, is a great way to break the AA ice. Good luck...hope it will all be a pleasant experience for you and that you and your sponsor will have a long, sober relationship.

bjork 08-29-2007 03:43 PM

Thanks for the replies! I really appreciate your responses. I will talk to my sponsor about getting started :)

indigo 09-02-2007 02:24 AM

I would like to welcome you to SR. Make yourself comfortable, someone is alawys here to listen and share with you. I'm glad that you found us.:c009:

bjork 09-15-2007 06:09 PM

Well....it is five weeks now and we still haven't done anything. We were going to go to a conference on Sunday and she cancelled because she had plans with a friend. She forgot when she had planned with me. We were supposed to get together yesterday to go over my "Woman's Way Throught the Twelve Steps" workbook. She called and said she was at the coffee shop we were going to meet at and she was going to go home (5pm). I called her back and she didn't answer so I left a message saying I was on my way home and to call me. We were supposed to meet after I left work (6pm). She has not returned my call. So I haven't even had the opportunity to see if there was a miscommunication. This sponsor thing has not been a good experience at all!! I feel let down, frustrated, rejected, and angry. I almost feel that not even attempting to find a sponsor to replace her would be best.

WLDKATZ 09-15-2007 06:18 PM

Then that is up to you you must feel totally at ease in this relationship, with a true sponcer I think they should be closer than a spouse! You already have doubt in her, and there is no contract just tell her you feel as if she isn't giving you enough time to work your program, she does seem to be a little caught up in hers. Welcome I guess if I was to give advise, which is something I don't do Id say don't give up and keep going back and comming back here, these are powerful resourses......and welcome!

GrouchoTheCat 09-15-2007 06:38 PM

It may be that she is simply too busy, and maybe she shouldn't have taken on a sponsee right now.

You might wish to look around for someone else.

The above is, of course, a wild arse guess, so you should maybe pray and follow your heart.

Ted

1_day@_a_time 09-15-2007 09:31 PM

you may hear from time to time about "firing'' a sponsor, suggest you do nothing of this nature, just gracefully move along and find someone else to connect with........

seems like it was just not meant to be, perhaps a blessing.

Jersey Nonny 09-16-2007 02:14 PM

Hmmmmmn...I've known people to take on newcomers when they really shouldn't have...maybe too busy with others they sponsor, or their own lives. For whatever reason, they accept and then can't fulfill the commitment. NOT YOUR FAULT!

I've been asked, and had to decline...but, always tried to steer the newcomer to someone else who could sponsor them.

Start looking around for someone else as soon as possible. This obviously isn't working out, and she can't be honest enough to tell you...maybe she's afraid you'll feel rejected. This is your program, your life, your choice...not a "marriage - 'til death do us part". Good luck!

slash 09-16-2007 08:42 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your experience. PLEASE try not to allow it to be discouraging. I can also understand your feelings about not seeking someone new....while sponsorship is certainly not for everyone, it appears that for whatever reason, you have chosen to make it a part of your experience. That so, I believe that you should ask someone else...even if it is on a "temporary" or "trial" basis. Good luck!!


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