Ya wanna know why I drink?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 66
Ya wanna know why I drink?
Or at least why I used to?
--- Disclaimer --- This is a vent. Either I type this out and post this, or I'm immediately headed to the liquor store, so bear with me....
Nobody in my house or family will listen to a word I say. At work, sometimes people listen, because I work in the petrochem industry and sometimes I have good advice that will keep a refinery from, say, blowing up in a huge explosion....
Anyway, at home, I have reached the end of my rope.
Today I found out that property taxes on my house are delinquent. Way delinquent. Like one more week and the house will have a lien on it. Penalty: $460. My wife has paid the property taxes for the last 20 years or so and even though I asked her to find out what we owed last March, she ignored me. Granted I could have checked it out also but usually in a marriage lines are drawn as to who does what. This was her usual duty and I am pissed that she ignored it.
Prior to this she did the "get drunk and puke in a friend's car" thing that cost only $135 or so to clean up. She blamed that on me because "I wasn't paying attention" to her that night. Yeahh, like I want to pay attention to a sloppy drunk. I could have left her where she was and let her find her own way home that night, while nearly alcohol-poisoned.
My son takes college classes and drops or fails a few on a regular basis. Cost probably $1000 or so. He's a smart kid too - just to damn lazy to crack a book. And I won't even talk about his inability to help with something like yard work.
And my daughter pulls the same crap. (Only to the tune of substance abuse treatment and other things: $30,000 - if she was my son, I would have booted her out a looonnnnggg time ago)
Plus my mother refuses to be safe - she can barely walk and will only live by herself (in a city with no other relatives 300 miles from me or my brother), with a paid helper coming over once daily. She's a fall waiting to happen.
Can you say Dysfunctional?
I just want to know why my father never had to put up with any of the bullcrap that my "modern" family has to today. He was one lucky guy.
-- End of rant ---
You may now return to your normal programming....
--- Disclaimer --- This is a vent. Either I type this out and post this, or I'm immediately headed to the liquor store, so bear with me....
Nobody in my house or family will listen to a word I say. At work, sometimes people listen, because I work in the petrochem industry and sometimes I have good advice that will keep a refinery from, say, blowing up in a huge explosion....
Anyway, at home, I have reached the end of my rope.
Today I found out that property taxes on my house are delinquent. Way delinquent. Like one more week and the house will have a lien on it. Penalty: $460. My wife has paid the property taxes for the last 20 years or so and even though I asked her to find out what we owed last March, she ignored me. Granted I could have checked it out also but usually in a marriage lines are drawn as to who does what. This was her usual duty and I am pissed that she ignored it.
Prior to this she did the "get drunk and puke in a friend's car" thing that cost only $135 or so to clean up. She blamed that on me because "I wasn't paying attention" to her that night. Yeahh, like I want to pay attention to a sloppy drunk. I could have left her where she was and let her find her own way home that night, while nearly alcohol-poisoned.
My son takes college classes and drops or fails a few on a regular basis. Cost probably $1000 or so. He's a smart kid too - just to damn lazy to crack a book. And I won't even talk about his inability to help with something like yard work.
And my daughter pulls the same crap. (Only to the tune of substance abuse treatment and other things: $30,000 - if she was my son, I would have booted her out a looonnnnggg time ago)
Plus my mother refuses to be safe - she can barely walk and will only live by herself (in a city with no other relatives 300 miles from me or my brother), with a paid helper coming over once daily. She's a fall waiting to happen.
Can you say Dysfunctional?
I just want to know why my father never had to put up with any of the bullcrap that my "modern" family has to today. He was one lucky guy.
-- End of rant ---
You may now return to your normal programming....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
I hope you feel better after your rant! Boy, do I remember feeling like you do - nobody in my family listened to a word I said. I realized, after I was sober, there was a reason for that. I was trying to control them. One of the hardest and scariest things I had to learn in order to stop drinking, was to stop trying to control everyone and everything in my life. Let go of the issues that you cannot control. You can't the school/education issues of your grown children. It's up to them to decide what courses to take or not take. All you can do is to be there for them. And, everyone forgets to do things sometimes. Just pay the bill and move on. It's not worth giving up your sobriety for any of those issues. You need to do whatever you need for yourself, in order to stay sober.
I hope you feel better after your rant! Boy, do I remember feeling like you do - nobody in my family listened to a word I said. I realized, after I was sober, there was a reason for that. I was trying to control them. One of the hardest and scariest things I had to learn in order to stop drinking, was to stop trying to control everyone and everything in my life. Let go of the issues that you cannot control. You can't the school/education issues of your grown children. It's up to them to decide what courses to take or not take. All you can do is to be there for them. And, everyone forgets to do things sometimes. Just pay the bill and move on. It's not worth giving up your sobriety for any of those issues. You need to do whatever you need for yourself, in order to stay sober.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Nice rant
What I found when I started my rants... I fell deeper into a selfish state of being.
Yes we vent but don't dwell on the vent subjects is what I found is best.
Long story short... We separated and I found that it cost more...two houses vs one...and not only did I need do all the things I was venting about... I also had to do the few things that did get done by others... so one house and I do all that needs be done that doesn't get done or two houses and I do it "All" with no help at all.
The idea of my job and her job... we all have bad days and if she doesn't do something she normally does...I either do it or wait till she does it...depends on the situation and the need. As for kids that don't help...boundaries sure work well to motivate them.
You want the car? Well first show me you can drive.... the lawnmower is right over there. Take it for a test ride and then I may find where I left the keys *LOL*
What I found when I started my rants... I fell deeper into a selfish state of being.
Yes we vent but don't dwell on the vent subjects is what I found is best.
Long story short... We separated and I found that it cost more...two houses vs one...and not only did I need do all the things I was venting about... I also had to do the few things that did get done by others... so one house and I do all that needs be done that doesn't get done or two houses and I do it "All" with no help at all.
The idea of my job and her job... we all have bad days and if she doesn't do something she normally does...I either do it or wait till she does it...depends on the situation and the need. As for kids that don't help...boundaries sure work well to motivate them.
You want the car? Well first show me you can drive.... the lawnmower is right over there. Take it for a test ride and then I may find where I left the keys *LOL*
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Huntington, WV
Posts: 225
I really loved your honesty. I feel like my whole world is caving in sometimes too. I thank God for giving me enough sanity today to know that a drink isn't going to make it any better. I'm in a homeless mission in a "recovery" programwhich isn't aa or na but there is a clubhouse for aa nearby thank God! I am around practicing drunks all day and I thank god I am able to be in this program but it has been a battle. I have four months well gotta go Thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 66
Hi everyone - thanks for the kind responses....
Unfortunately, I'm still having issues this evening.
So I get in the vehicle to go to the store to get comfort food – ice cream, steak, and one of those 2-glass bottles of wine.
I’m preparing to pull out of my neighborhood onto a larger street.
And then this giant moving van type truck goes screaming by at about 50 mph. (A high rate of speed for a road of this size)
At the point where I stepped on the brake and did NOT pull out in front of the speeding truck, I had a bit of a feeling of say, nirvana or ecstasy, at the thought of being permanently clobbered by the truck, and not having to deal with all the crap being thrown at me right now...
I think that is not good.
It’s probably better to be divorced and broke and alive instead of dead, right?
Some nice divorce lawyer would probably be more than happy to take all of my current and future money away from me in lieu of me driving in front of a large truck.
I gotta let go of these financial control issues. I suppose money isn’t everything. It's a lot, but it's not everything. Maybe I just need to pay up and move on.
Time to go read that "coping strategy" thread.
Unfortunately, I'm still having issues this evening.
So I get in the vehicle to go to the store to get comfort food – ice cream, steak, and one of those 2-glass bottles of wine.
I’m preparing to pull out of my neighborhood onto a larger street.
And then this giant moving van type truck goes screaming by at about 50 mph. (A high rate of speed for a road of this size)
At the point where I stepped on the brake and did NOT pull out in front of the speeding truck, I had a bit of a feeling of say, nirvana or ecstasy, at the thought of being permanently clobbered by the truck, and not having to deal with all the crap being thrown at me right now...
I think that is not good.
It’s probably better to be divorced and broke and alive instead of dead, right?
Some nice divorce lawyer would probably be more than happy to take all of my current and future money away from me in lieu of me driving in front of a large truck.
I gotta let go of these financial control issues. I suppose money isn’t everything. It's a lot, but it's not everything. Maybe I just need to pay up and move on.
Time to go read that "coping strategy" thread.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Pointmagnet,
I agree that it would be wise to share how you are feeling with a qualified professional. I understand how overwhelmed you are feeling right now, but when suicidal ideation enters the picture, I believe action is warranted.
Financial woes, marital troubles, let those take a backseat right now while you put the focus on getting well. Things will work out as they are meant to. It's true. I've seen it happen and have experienced it.
Don't give up!!
I agree that it would be wise to share how you are feeling with a qualified professional. I understand how overwhelmed you are feeling right now, but when suicidal ideation enters the picture, I believe action is warranted.
Financial woes, marital troubles, let those take a backseat right now while you put the focus on getting well. Things will work out as they are meant to. It's true. I've seen it happen and have experienced it.
Don't give up!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 66
Did you make it to the store? If so... dump the wine out.
The t-bone is gone (with help from the dog), along with the wine and one ice cream bar. I have no urge to go get more wine but I sure do want another ice cream.
I'm scheduled to go to the therapist with the wife tomorrow morning.... I'll share my feelings with her and maybe she can send me in the right direction...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
One of the unexpected benefits I found in AA...
my AA friends pay attention to my woes.
Sometime they have a solution often not.
However...
sharing a problem is vital for me.
This happens before or after a meeting
as during that time we share on our alcoholism/recovery.
Hugs and Prayers for your healing
(+) (+) (+)
my AA friends pay attention to my woes.
Sometime they have a solution often not.
However...
sharing a problem is vital for me.
This happens before or after a meeting
as during that time we share on our alcoholism/recovery.
Hugs and Prayers for your healing
(+) (+) (+)
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