parentrecovers

i see you! is it september already? give a shout out to us! we miss you...

Astro

Yeah, where ya been? I miss your shining personality around here;-)

Alive

Hey....Love you guys..so much.

Actually, i am using somebody's internet...i have no clue who it's from, so i'll be brief...Yesterday i tried to buy a pack, but it was 249 dollars..so..i guess i'll wait for september..

I've been splurging on white flowers..lol...bought three trees too...


I really don't feel like Karim, these days, i am sorry....I have been trying to decide if i can go on..There is too much pain...I can't face my dad without getting really angry..and i'll have to live there for now... I realized he is the reason for my lack of self love..It's funny i had an aha moment..I entered the elevator and he said,: aren't you ashamed of yourself, of your figure..." and it clicked...he has been doing this since i was born..I have never walked out of the house with him, when he didn't say i sucked...and that he was ashamed of me..."i believed him, that's why i can't love myself"...I am starting to hate him because i realized that now...the other day he refused to take us to an italian restaurant after parking, because he was ashamed of me, because it was cold and i had a "jeans" jacket...after 60 km, he took us to a place where i couldn't ashame him, and the whole meal, he joked about how i looked like a security guard..For a person that is in rock bottom, let me tell you i wanted to scream out loud..i wanted to break something....and just run...I was never like this..I am so tired....The worst is that he doesn't get it, he is mean and he doesn't get it...How many times, has he drove miles and miles, because he is ashamed of us...When he is out with other people they go eat lobster and all that crap.... I don't get it..lol..one time, because of that we went to an awful restaurant where there wasn't even nothing to eat with the fish...lol.lol......I grew up with him saying i look like a drug addict.He wouldn't even let us have our shirts out of our trousers growing up...He always told me and mom, we were ********, and stupid and worthless..I love him a little, he is my dad, but at the same time, i would rather never see him again..I wish i had money to simply go to another part of the world..Because of him i didn't move on..I spent years trying to prove he cheated..and now i am the one that looks like a looser..

What i hate more is that an hour later he acts like a victim and says that i look down and sad...Why is that?.........

Alive

I can't begin to say how it feels to be loved over here..for a person that feels so unloved in the world...

Whatever i decide, i know it will be the best for me...

I know we're only the ones to blame for the state we let ourselves get to...Even tough people might hurt us....We let them or not have an impact....I just feel really tired of myself..

Deep inside i know "Karim" is still here in my soul..

Now happy things....: i've been cracking up with Fox, i have watched every simpson episode, and there's two or three a day..falling in love with Marge..lol..


p.s. love your NEW AVATARS...both of you!

parentrecovers

oh karim, it sounds like you're going through so much.

i'm just going to throw this out there...i tell this to myself a lot when my daughter goes back into the destructive chaos of her addiction. maybe you can relate this to you and your relationship with your dad -

just because they don't want to get better and find recovery today, doesn't mean we can't...

hugs out, k

SaTiT

hi kari, nice to hear from you again.

I'll have to check out my family tree closer.
I think your dad and my dad is closly related.lol

parentrecovers

did the simpson's movie hit where you are? homer on the big screen is pretty HUGE!

Alive

It did, but over here, no movies..lol...When i go back i am gonna watch Homer and the pig on the ceiling....lol

Satit, there's nobody as bad as my family..lol..I think they're cursed, they can't be happy, not even with all the money in the world..lol..

I am happy sometimes and i am poor..lol..I beat them already..lol...

gypsytears

Hi Karim . I'm so happy to see you posting... you've been missed around here. It sounds like you have a lot of personal stuff to work through. I hope you do realise you are not who your father said you are.

stone

Hey Karim!

I love you mate.

Going to a meeting now, I hope your still around in a couple of hours>

Rowan

And I love you too, Karim. You know that! Let us hold you up and love you until you can love yourself.
I grew up with the same sort of shite from my family, and it's possible to move past it, honest. You are NOT what your father says you are. He is a blind man.

Love, Your Rowan xoxo

Alive

Oh my God Rowan i will really fall in love with you..Did you read that in a book? It's sensational!

"let us hold you up and love you until you can love yourself"

ok i am going to find a pen...i can't believe you wrote that..man...

Rowan

Ah Karim, keep on stroking my ego lol I love you man.

I'll check in again soon - don't be a stranger.

xooxoxox R

CarolD

Welcome Back!

cmc

karim!
What a nice surprise to hear from you....all the advice on the family situation is so good, just remember that you can make a difference for yourself...I know it.
And what he says and does...comes directed at you but is really all about him and his own pain and shame. You got it right when you said that you 'beat them already' ...you are miles and miles ahead of that kind of garbage.
You have a wonderful soul and your spirit is kind and good. I'm a mom and YOU have to listen to me about that!! I have some cruel family members too....and I pity them but have learned I must keep the walls up to protect myself.
hugs,
cmc

There are others here who deal with similar circumstances:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...holic-parents/

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ting-sobriety/

Alive

Hey, to thank you for your kindness...i post here a link to a cover i did of nessun dorma,kinda crazy..lol.. the instrumental aint mine, so i'll have to take it out in a couple of weeks..

the video is completely black..lol..hahaha..it's an artistic expression..lol..of somebody with little time..lol..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMYGorDUpEs

thank you all..

i'll check back in two weeks.

Change4life

******{Karim}}}}

I love you!!!

Dont listen to your Dad. My mom use to do the same thing. Always had somehting negative to say. Convinced me I would never be anything. I finally called her on it. she has beeen better since, but i have to remind her sometimes and it causes fights.
We dont see each other much, but talk on the phone often. when she starts in with me I just hang up. it seems to be working she doesnt talk down to me anymore, but it took time for her to reaalize I was serious and would not tolerate her belittling me.

I hope you can work past this with your dad.

Have you ever told him how much his negative words hurt you?

Sometimes people dont realize what they say is hurtful.

I hope you can work through this.

DONT LET HIM GET TO YOU. YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON.

SaTiT

Dito Karim...

I'm surprized i didn't drowned in my parents pool or jacozi , living and growning
up there. Got in those things wracked out of mind just so I can numb the pain.
None of the sports cars I've owned never took the pain away or made me happy.
It just mask it for a while. My drugs and alcohol abuss was just that, an extention
of how i numb out my pains as i got old enough to have access to them.

There's mental and emotional scares. Somedays are better than others.
As wacked out as i am. I'll have to trun everything over.
I need that grace.

Alive

yeah...like Anna says some people are toxic...

i once had a 3 hour conversation, i was just 19..i spoke for 3 hours standing up, facing him...ended up sitting down..and after all that effort..he simply said, nice talking to you..

i know he tries sometimes, but he always disappoints me.And that's the problem..He know he hurts people, but he feels better tearing us down..For years i spoke, and i got nothing..Rich people don't like others to challenge them..Nobody stood up and said no to them until mom did...He sits on a table and he trashes everybody we know and laughs, that's not how i am at all..I can't deal with that kind of thing....

We have completely different visions of life..He teased my faith....he is educated and all that,very intelligent , i know i am rebel, but i am supposed to, i am young...

ok let's drop it..this will never end..he's toxic...

Dee74

all I'm gonna add is...you know the goodness in you, Karim...your father is flawed and unhappy. He gets his self worth from demeaning you. My family's like that too. I'm only now in the process of letting go. It's tough, but it needs to be done. You deserve better. Their perceptions are wrong - make their words meaningless, my friend.

D