Crushed inside and can barely find the strength to reach out
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hope (and I think we have known one another for a long time)
When I trace back through my life the messes like yours that I have created, they pretty much all come back to alcohol or alcoholic thinking.
As we know, NOTHING gets better because we anaesthetize ourselves; but what we can do is start now to begin to untangle the problems.
Make a list of all those things you mentioned, and in the opposite column, one by one, what you can do in some small way to make it better.
Goodness knows this is a monumental task when we are feeling terrible, but as Carol said above, bit by bit we can make things better. The gift here is the return of self-esteem and a better (more manageable) life.
My heart goes out to you,
Jhana/Gianna
When I trace back through my life the messes like yours that I have created, they pretty much all come back to alcohol or alcoholic thinking.
As we know, NOTHING gets better because we anaesthetize ourselves; but what we can do is start now to begin to untangle the problems.
Make a list of all those things you mentioned, and in the opposite column, one by one, what you can do in some small way to make it better.
Goodness knows this is a monumental task when we are feeling terrible, but as Carol said above, bit by bit we can make things better. The gift here is the return of self-esteem and a better (more manageable) life.
My heart goes out to you,
Jhana/Gianna
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Jhana, such wise thoughts and useful advice. Every word you say is true. I'm going to go make one of those lists myself. Writing the bad stuff down, whether it has to do with finances or relationships, takes some of the sting out of it all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
I have felt so alone until now.
I feel like I've dug a hole so deep that I can't climb out.
I'm so far down that there is no way out of the wreckage.
I'm paralyzed in my pain and screaming inside...
It hurts. I am so stupid to let myself get so far down and
I don't know how to get out of what I put myself in.
I did this to myself.
I could have stopped it but I didn't.
I never thought I was worth it. I am the one hurting myself.
I am worthless. What if I'm not even worth it?
What if I'm just hopeless?
I feel like I've dug a hole so deep that I can't climb out.
I'm so far down that there is no way out of the wreckage.
I'm paralyzed in my pain and screaming inside...
It hurts. I am so stupid to let myself get so far down and
I don't know how to get out of what I put myself in.
I did this to myself.
I could have stopped it but I didn't.
I never thought I was worth it. I am the one hurting myself.
I am worthless. What if I'm not even worth it?
What if I'm just hopeless?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you are drinking and drugging again....
please stop so you can begin recovery ASAP
If this depression is happening in clean/sober time
you need medical help.
If you are worried about bills and school
there are concrete answers to how to deal.
So....do 1 ...2...3....and you will find solutions.
Blesings
please stop so you can begin recovery ASAP
If this depression is happening in clean/sober time
you need medical help.
If you are worried about bills and school
there are concrete answers to how to deal.
So....do 1 ...2...3....and you will find solutions.
Blesings
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
I feel a bit more hopeful since I've seen you still posting. The very fact that you are here demonstrates a resiliency of spirit and a staunch determination to keep going. You may not see it now, but you have it within you to go on. Nice to see your posts.
Mike
Mike
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I'm sure it will sound very trite and Polyanna-ish...especially with all you are being faced with...but, it truly is often darkest before the dawn. For some unknown reason, HP is putting you to the test...and you must be strong enough to get through all of this. Draw on the strength of everyone here (and elsewhere) who have you in their prayers.
They say, if we all threw our troubles in the center of a room, we would take back our own, rather than trade off with someone else's. I'll just bet, if we played a silly game of "can you top this", you'd find your problems wouldn't look so bad by comparison. Have faith in yourself and your Higher Power...nothing is ever so hopeless we cannot rise above it!
They say, if we all threw our troubles in the center of a room, we would take back our own, rather than trade off with someone else's. I'll just bet, if we played a silly game of "can you top this", you'd find your problems wouldn't look so bad by comparison. Have faith in yourself and your Higher Power...nothing is ever so hopeless we cannot rise above it!
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