soberrecovery1111

Hello all.. I am quite frustrated. I will be getting 5 years clean and sober (except cigarettes) in Janurary 08. I go to meetings every week and I have 2 commitments. I know pratactly no one in AA i have many aquatinces but have 0 friends. I do kind of have a sponsor and he is an awesome guy but has really given up on me.. So here is my issue: i have 0 willingness to do the program. I am not sure i have had enough (i used for 4 years and am currently 24). I did mostly drugs and drank a little bit. What i want to do is go back to drinking so i can get some type of confidence to talk to women. I am getting sick of having no girls in my life (because i dont' have the guts to talk to them). When drinking i am calm cool and collected (at least i used to be it has been awhile). I feel like my life is passing me by and these are my prime years, early twenties and i never went to college (poor me). So I am stuck i have tried working the steps twice only got to 9. But i just can't talk to people and i think that is a pretty big part of AA, giving back and making friends having a frequin life. Anyway, what should i do? I am not 100% convinced i am alcholoic yet because i never tried controlled drinkig. I know i can't touch drugs and have heard a lot of people say o yea i did a lot of drugs when i was young but they drink now and they can control themselves. I know some would say that because i am contemplating all of this i must be alcholoic but i see lotz of people (old friends) who drink on weekends etc and have phun but don't do it before going to work etc.. I never really liked getting drunk neway. Sorry for long post thank you for reading and have an awesome day.

Spiritual Seeker

addiction is a slippery slope. There are other ways to enhance your personality w/o alcohol. Can you figure out what they are?

soberrecovery1111

Welp i suppose i could exercise and be more responsible (move out of parents house although in my area rent is unbelievably expensive). But i don't trust myself if i moved out becasue there would be no one watching me. Exercise - Don't have the willingness to even do that. I tried doing floor exercises for awhile and my lower back started killing me. Joining a gym seems VERRY scary to me? Not quite sure why but i suppose it is a place with people and i get very uncomfortable with people around and me pretty much over weight (5'9 205 pounds) trying to exercise. I worry way to much about what people think.. Anway that's all i got.

mps101

As a fellow 20 something I know how one can feel like they are missing out on meeting people. I too use/d (starting another---hopefully final--round of sobriety) to meet people. It turns out I'm really good at it. I could go into a bar and pretty much charm whomever. When I'm sober I'm incredibly nervous and awkward.

But somewhere I know if I stick with sobriety I'll be able to actually do the same thing (not in a bar) sober...cause it's in us somewhere...

I know meds are always a touchy subject, but have you talked to a doctor about any possible anxiety disorder? Or have you tried talking to a professional about your experiences or fears, etc?

Amazing work on the 5 years! That's amazing.

soberrecovery1111

I have not throughoughly explored meds. I tried wel beturin and paxil or something but i felt i was getting more depressed and stop taking them. WHen i was using i used to take ritalin (drug of choice) and i was again confident etc with girls. I just feel very weird about taking un natural drugs everyday and i don't trust doctors. My dad is also very weary of any anti-depressents and he is a big influence on my life. But thank you for advice and i will try to look into that as that could be better then finding out if i am a try alcholic ( i have heard many bad stories in A.A )

mps101

I completely understand the "weird feelings" about drugs...and it's entirely possible that you don't need them. I do think that "talk therapy" with a GOOD FIT person can be a really good thing. It's actually what got me to my first AA meeting.

I wish you the best. This is really hard stuff...

CarolD

To meet new sober people....and have something to talk about
I suggest joining Overeaters Anonymous.

A church group for young adults is another option.

Way to go on your clean and sober time!