Misscat

I havnt been on here for a bit, but I wanted to check in. I have been feeling pretty good--but I havnt totally quit drinking. I havnt been going out much, but when I do, I have been making it a point to stop at one or two drinks and go home. I've been pretty happy about that. At home, I will often have a glass or two of wine, occasionally I will have more but I havnt been drunk, I stop before that. Last night I got a little drunk, and today I feel a little crappy. Overall, though, I have been doing really well in terms of being more aware and stopping before I get drunk. And I havnt done ANY drugs at all, and I dont miss them (that was definitely the biggest concern for me).
I thought I was doing well!
Today I asked my fiance if he thought I had a drinking problem, and he says yes. I am a little confused, because I feel in control, and havnt overdone it, and have been able to stop. Last night was the first time in a while that I felt a little too drunk.
I guess part of me is wondering if he is being sensitive because his mom is an alcoholic. she gets wasted every night, and used to get drunk and hurt him when he was a kid.
I dont want to sound like I am making excuses, but I honestly have been feeling much more aware of what I have been drinking. I feel bad being on here, because II dont want anyone to be offended by my posts. I just dont want to have him think I have a problem--I really thought most of my "problem behaviors"--drinking too much while out, driving after having a few, losing stuff, doing drugs, etc--havnt been part of the picture.
Is it true that a child of an alcoholic might be more apt to consider me one? Or am I just making excuses?
Sorry if this is offensive to anyone, I by no means want to appear disrespectful of the sober lifestyle.

Dee74

Hi Misscat...

First off, great news on the drugs.

I've never met you before so I can't say whether you're right or he is...I'll play Devil's advocate for ya tho...

I see you have been here before, so yeah maybe he is still thinking back to earlier days, or yes, maybe he is extra-sensitive due to his Mom.

but it could also be you're not being honest with yourself.

I know I tried controlling my drinking, time and again, but I always - *always*- eventually ended up getting 'a little drunk' a little too often, and soon gave up on the control idea again....until the next time. The only way for me to deal with my problem was not to drink at all. Ever.

Like I say, I don't know you and I hope you're the exception - but generally when people say you have a drinking problem, and you deny it, it's your perceptions that are screwed, not theirs.

good luck anway..hope you work it out
D

parentrecovers

hey misscat, it sounds like the drinking is affecting your relationship.

when you quit using drugs, did you do aa or na or any support group? (big congrats on quitting the drugs, by the way..)

all i know is that my daughter is an alcoholic and an addict, and the only way she feels she can truly recover - is to stop completely, and work a program.

if she allows herself a few drinks, it eventually leads her back to the cocaine. and visa versa if she allows herself a small amount of coke.....

it's great that you came back! keep posting, k

nan07

Been there, done that. I was a poster child for moderation a year ago...I felt really good about being able to have a couple of glasses of wine and quitting, too. It didn't last long. I don't know enough about you or your previous drinking style to know if your boyfriend is rightly concerned or just hyper sensitive, but it can't hurt to talk with him and find out why he said what he said. Take care...

Misscat

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses.
I talked to him, and he just said that yes, I have a drinking problem because my tendency is there, and he worries about that. That it isnt quite natural for me to be moderate. Although he does say that I have been doing very well for a while.
I dont know. I am still not clear about what I really think about it. This whole thing confuses me at this point.

Anna

In my opinion, moderation will not work if you're an alcoholic. Oh it might work fine for awhile, but I tried it so many times and always ended up worse than when I started. And, all I did was think about drinking. It was actually a relief to just stop. I also agree with parentrecovers who said that drinking is affecting your relationship. What is most important to you?

leeside

You just build up tolerance to it and you aren't aware just how you are either, because you have some alcohol in you. IMO

Octoman

Hi Misscat. Well done on kicking the drugs too. Great effort.

I also tried moderation. Sounds like this is a tried and tested route. I think it is actually possible but requires and enormous amount of effort to keep things in check and the tendency is for it to always keep spiraling out of control. For me its also a hell of a lot harder to stop after a couple of drinks than have none at all. In the end I found it was just not worth the effort. When I did have a drink its was never quite enough to satisfy the urge. When I was on a dry day I obsessed about the next drinking opportunity. Basically its wasnt a pleasure and I realised I would never recapture the innocent joy of a drink with friends in my early drinking days.

Maybe you are different and good luck to you if you are. For me though I came to the conclusion that the pleasure from controlled drinking was minimal whereas the risk I was running of getting it wrong and losing control of my life was simply too huge to take.

Pilgrim

I know what you mean Octo. I am an alcoholic so the idea of going out and having to try to stick to one or two drinks seems like torture. If someone can do that without thinking "what the hell" and going for broke, then I take my hat off to them. For some people, who are not alcoholics, it isn't that hard. For me, I needed to be almost superhuman. I tried moderation and now I see it to be as dangerous for me as russian roulette.

I agree with Anna. Alcoholics can't moderate without eventually getting worse. We never know how much worse since when we are drinking, we are no longer thinking so it's harder to stop.

This is about you Misscat and not what people think of you. Your partner seems knowledgeable and if you are an alcoholic, he may be waiting for the inevitable.

I can tell that you care about him very much and your relationship. Is he in any support group?

Misscat

No, he's not in a support group. He really isnt much of a talker. I really cant imagine him in that kind of setting.
Oftentimes I feel like he's controlling. Sometimes he seems overserious, and it gets to me. But maybe that's because my past relationships were more centered around partying and that's what I'm used to. We spend much of our time alone at home, which isnt unpleasant, but I miss the social aspects of relationships. I am a busy person, so most of the time its not a big deal, but in the evening it gets kind of lonly. That might be part of my desire to drink--but I am not sure. Sometimes I wonder how much of my frustration with him comes from not partying or an honest desire to be in a group of friends, which is a totally different issue. Most of my friends live out side of our area, so it kind of stinks.
I dont know. I guess I feel pretty isolated and bored in the evenings, and drinking is just "something to do." Am I an alcoholic? I'm not sure. I wish the answer were more clear to me.
Thanks everyone.