Newbie needs help...please
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Newbie needs help...please
Since I am new to this forum, I feel like I need to put myself "out there" to be able to take advantage of the support you all give to each other. Just a warning...I am about to describe my addiction in a detailed manner. Please stop reading if this is too difficult for you.
I started using drugs-cocaine, specifically, when I was just 12 years old. My older brother wanted to "teach" me how to get high. By the time I was 15, I was smoking pot daily, drinking, snorting, dropping acid...whatever...whenever I had the chance. I could take it or leave it...except for pot.
I spent the next 20 years smoking every day, several times a day. At the age of 35, I decided that I needed to face my demons, and quit...cold turkey. I threw away everything associated with drugs, moved, changed my phone number, and didn't let any of my party friends, (ok...that was ALL of my friends), know where I was. I was lonely, but I was clean.
I remember all too well how hard it was at first. I craved pot so badly, because it had become woven into every aspect of my daily life-from the moment I woke up to the moment I drifted off to sleep. Without pot, I couldn't sleep very well. I had dreams every single night about smoking, and even woke up a couple of times with my fingers pressed to my lips, as if I were holding a joint. Since alcohol was never a problem for me, I began to drink a lot more than I ever have. I also began to eat. I also began to buy pain killers illegally. (or steal them from unsuspecting family members)
It was probably a full year before I began to feel normal. I remember the first time I got through a whole day without thinking about smoking. That felt great. Unfortunately, I packed on about 25 pounds, and was drinking way too much. I was also spending a lot of money on Percocets. I eventually stopped taking pills and slowed down my drinking, but I don't want to do that again this time.
I was smoke-free for nearly 4 years, then I started working at a restaurant/bar. I had never waitressed before, and had no idea what went on in the kitchens and back rooms of restaurants...it was crazy. Before I knew it, I was smoking and doing lines again. That was nearly 2 years ago. The last time I gave up pot, I was smoking about 1/2 oz each week. I have managed to keep it to that same amount per month, so my "habit" was not so fierce this time around.
I'm not sure what exactly I am asking for here...I guess just some advice for now. Is it possible to be a social drinker when you have a problem with marijuana? Is it possible to keep friends who continue to party? My body can't take another 25 pound weight-gain. I don't know what to do. I quit smoking 4 days ago, threw out all of my "tools," but I can't afford to move again. I want to be able continue my life as it is without weed. Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance for any and all advice or suggestions.
Kay
ps...to the mods...I hope this is ok. I read FAQ's, and saw no mention of omitting details about abuse. Please let me know if I have broken any rules. Thx.
I started using drugs-cocaine, specifically, when I was just 12 years old. My older brother wanted to "teach" me how to get high. By the time I was 15, I was smoking pot daily, drinking, snorting, dropping acid...whatever...whenever I had the chance. I could take it or leave it...except for pot.
I spent the next 20 years smoking every day, several times a day. At the age of 35, I decided that I needed to face my demons, and quit...cold turkey. I threw away everything associated with drugs, moved, changed my phone number, and didn't let any of my party friends, (ok...that was ALL of my friends), know where I was. I was lonely, but I was clean.
I remember all too well how hard it was at first. I craved pot so badly, because it had become woven into every aspect of my daily life-from the moment I woke up to the moment I drifted off to sleep. Without pot, I couldn't sleep very well. I had dreams every single night about smoking, and even woke up a couple of times with my fingers pressed to my lips, as if I were holding a joint. Since alcohol was never a problem for me, I began to drink a lot more than I ever have. I also began to eat. I also began to buy pain killers illegally. (or steal them from unsuspecting family members)
It was probably a full year before I began to feel normal. I remember the first time I got through a whole day without thinking about smoking. That felt great. Unfortunately, I packed on about 25 pounds, and was drinking way too much. I was also spending a lot of money on Percocets. I eventually stopped taking pills and slowed down my drinking, but I don't want to do that again this time.
I was smoke-free for nearly 4 years, then I started working at a restaurant/bar. I had never waitressed before, and had no idea what went on in the kitchens and back rooms of restaurants...it was crazy. Before I knew it, I was smoking and doing lines again. That was nearly 2 years ago. The last time I gave up pot, I was smoking about 1/2 oz each week. I have managed to keep it to that same amount per month, so my "habit" was not so fierce this time around.
I'm not sure what exactly I am asking for here...I guess just some advice for now. Is it possible to be a social drinker when you have a problem with marijuana? Is it possible to keep friends who continue to party? My body can't take another 25 pound weight-gain. I don't know what to do. I quit smoking 4 days ago, threw out all of my "tools," but I can't afford to move again. I want to be able continue my life as it is without weed. Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance for any and all advice or suggestions.
Kay
ps...to the mods...I hope this is ok. I read FAQ's, and saw no mention of omitting details about abuse. Please let me know if I have broken any rules. Thx.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Welcome Kay~!
I'm not sure about if you can or can't be friends with people that still party... I suppose that'll end up being up to you.
I had a drinking problem so I really can't advise abput the pot. I can tell you it'd be a good idea to talk to your doctor about a weight loss program though.
I'm not sure about if you can or can't be friends with people that still party... I suppose that'll end up being up to you.
I had a drinking problem so I really can't advise abput the pot. I can tell you it'd be a good idea to talk to your doctor about a weight loss program though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: spokane, wa
Posts: 83
Kay
What an honest post. You are in the right place. We care and we do help each other.
As far as your questions about whether you can drink socially when you have a pot problem and hanging with the party crowd, unfortunately this is a question you need to answer for yourself. The fact that you are here speaks volumes. Only you truly know if you are not in control. Once you can answer that question honestly from within yourself, you can start to move forward. Whichever way forward happens to be.
I am so glad that you posted here. I wish i could offer you more difinitive help with your answers, but do know that we are here to listen and help in any way we can.
Karen
What an honest post. You are in the right place. We care and we do help each other.
As far as your questions about whether you can drink socially when you have a pot problem and hanging with the party crowd, unfortunately this is a question you need to answer for yourself. The fact that you are here speaks volumes. Only you truly know if you are not in control. Once you can answer that question honestly from within yourself, you can start to move forward. Whichever way forward happens to be.
I am so glad that you posted here. I wish i could offer you more difinitive help with your answers, but do know that we are here to listen and help in any way we can.
Karen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Kay,
Thanks for your post. For me, addiction is addiction. I can't stop boozing and replace it with pot or vice versa. I also had a problem with pills so I've had some experience with dual addictions.
I understand your fears about weight gain, but if you keep abusing your body this way, your weight is the least of your worries. Focus on getting clean and sober first, and worry about that stuff later - like Gypsy said, you can talk to your doctor about a weight-loss plan.
Oh - and you asked about friends. For me, recovery meant being willing to change people, places and things. No more hanging out in bars or with people who were drinking unless I had a legitimate reason to be there (i.e. family wedding).
Kay, recovery IS possible. We are here to help support you. Welcome.
Rowan
Thanks for your post. For me, addiction is addiction. I can't stop boozing and replace it with pot or vice versa. I also had a problem with pills so I've had some experience with dual addictions.
I understand your fears about weight gain, but if you keep abusing your body this way, your weight is the least of your worries. Focus on getting clean and sober first, and worry about that stuff later - like Gypsy said, you can talk to your doctor about a weight-loss plan.
Oh - and you asked about friends. For me, recovery meant being willing to change people, places and things. No more hanging out in bars or with people who were drinking unless I had a legitimate reason to be there (i.e. family wedding).
Kay, recovery IS possible. We are here to help support you. Welcome.
Rowan
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Thanks, Gypsy Tears and Karen. I appreciate your input.
I was extremely motivated to quit last time, for very personal reasons, so it seemed easier then. It was harder, physically, but easier mentally. Occasionally I would be at a concert or a Christmas party or something, and I had no problem being around it and not partaking. I even rolled up a couple of joints once, (I really missed doing that!), and was still able to walk out of the room without smoking. I was proud of that.
This time is different. This time I quit because I know it is the right choice for me...hell, for anyone. Trouble is, I miss it. I know pot is not physically addicting, or at least that's what "they" say, but the emotional ties are strong. I don't want to make the mistake of substituting one addiction for another, like I did before.
I was extremely motivated to quit last time, for very personal reasons, so it seemed easier then. It was harder, physically, but easier mentally. Occasionally I would be at a concert or a Christmas party or something, and I had no problem being around it and not partaking. I even rolled up a couple of joints once, (I really missed doing that!), and was still able to walk out of the room without smoking. I was proud of that.
This time is different. This time I quit because I know it is the right choice for me...hell, for anyone. Trouble is, I miss it. I know pot is not physically addicting, or at least that's what "they" say, but the emotional ties are strong. I don't want to make the mistake of substituting one addiction for another, like I did before.
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Rowan 
Hi Kay,
I understand your fears about weight gain, but if you keep abusing your body this way, your weight is the least of your worries. Focus on getting clean and sober first, and worry about that stuff later - like Gypsy said, you can talk to your doctor about a weight-loss plan.
Rowan
I understand your fears about weight gain, but if you keep abusing your body this way, your weight is the least of your worries. Focus on getting clean and sober first, and worry about that stuff later - like Gypsy said, you can talk to your doctor about a weight-loss plan.
Rowan
Thanks, Rowan. I know you're right...it's just so damned hard.
outtahere
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 519
Alcohol and prescription drugs ( deadlier when you mix them) can be just as bad to get hooked on. I've seen heavy pot smokers hack black phlegm out of their lungs. I think it happens only after they haven't smoked in awhile or quit. I hacked that stuff out of my lungs after I quit smoking and occasional pot smoking and it gradually went to brown to yellow to none.
I hope you do like I did and really get into getting that crap out of your lungs. You'll be glad you did.
(I found out I didn't like what it was doing to my mind anyway)
I hope you do like I did and really get into getting that crap out of your lungs. You'll be glad you did.
(I found out I didn't like what it was doing to my mind anyway)
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Kay...
Raging recovering alcoholic here..benzo user..speed freak and pot head...
Wow..the list looks perty bad..but i've been sober AND clean for 14 months now.
Marijuana was a gateway for alcohol...alcohol was a gateway for speed...
I haven't a abused benzo's for many years now..
But there was a time when I quit weed and wound up scrounging the carpet
for seeds. I put them into a caramel and rationed them ...
The only way I have been able to maintain my sobriety is to abstain from
all of these substances..you see, for me...one was a gateway to the other and
the other and the other!
As for weight gain..they say you know you are in recovery when you can't
zip yer jeans!
My best to you!
Love,
:
IO
Raging recovering alcoholic here..benzo user..speed freak and pot head...
Wow..the list looks perty bad..but i've been sober AND clean for 14 months now.
Marijuana was a gateway for alcohol...alcohol was a gateway for speed...
I haven't a abused benzo's for many years now..
But there was a time when I quit weed and wound up scrounging the carpet
for seeds. I put them into a caramel and rationed them ...
The only way I have been able to maintain my sobriety is to abstain from
all of these substances..you see, for me...one was a gateway to the other and
the other and the other!
As for weight gain..they say you know you are in recovery when you can't
zip yer jeans!
My best to you!
Love,
:IO
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Thanks, Lee. Yeah, I remember hacking-up quite a bit of tar for a long time after I quit before. Yuck. Thankfully, I have never been a cigarette smoker, so perhaps these past 2 years of light pot smoking won't have left too much behind. Thanks for reminding me how nasty it was. I need reminding.
Just remembered something. I don't have to hide my secret life anymore! I don't have to sneak outside so my teenage son won't smell the smoke. I don't have to worry about my boss suspecting that I am high when I get to work. I don't have to worry about my parents visiting, and my mom smelling pot. That woman has an amazing sense of smell! These are reasons to stay the course. If you're hiding something, you must be ashamed of it. If you are ashamed of it, it is probably wrong to be doing.
Just remembered something. I don't have to hide my secret life anymore! I don't have to sneak outside so my teenage son won't smell the smoke. I don't have to worry about my boss suspecting that I am high when I get to work. I don't have to worry about my parents visiting, and my mom smelling pot. That woman has an amazing sense of smell! These are reasons to stay the course. If you're hiding something, you must be ashamed of it. If you are ashamed of it, it is probably wrong to be doing.
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by IO Storm
As for weight gain..they say you know you are in recovery when you can't
zip yer jeans!
My best to you!
Love,
:
IO
zip yer jeans!
My best to you!
Love,
:IO
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
kay
That hit home for me about rollin joints.People told me change people places an thing I did not I hung out at bars for awhile shot pool but didnt drink.That was my set up,Later on I started making wine never drank it then I started making vodka an whiskey.I just kept twisting that dragons tail playing with my sobrity until one day It was gone.I was arrogant about my progrm.It took me strait back to hell.If you have a problem with it dont gamble yourself away as I did.I have done better this time I follow direction try not to make my same mistakes.
That hit home for me about rollin joints.People told me change people places an thing I did not I hung out at bars for awhile shot pool but didnt drink.That was my set up,Later on I started making wine never drank it then I started making vodka an whiskey.I just kept twisting that dragons tail playing with my sobrity until one day It was gone.I was arrogant about my progrm.It took me strait back to hell.If you have a problem with it dont gamble yourself away as I did.I have done better this time I follow direction try not to make my same mistakes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,364
Hi Kay haven't had a chance to earlier - just wanted to say hi.
I was an old pothead and boozehound - in my case I found they became bound together in mind...using one invariably led to the other...
been clean 4 months or so now...I did have to leave my partying mates behind tho...but I found that just happened - it wasn't a conscious decision
good luck - keep posting
D
I was an old pothead and boozehound - in my case I found they became bound together in mind...using one invariably led to the other...
been clean 4 months or so now...I did have to leave my partying mates behind tho...but I found that just happened - it wasn't a conscious decision
good luck - keep posting
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 48
Hi Kay, welcome to this board and congratulations on throwing out your weed as well as having 4 days. Drinking lessens ones inhibitions making it easier to start smoking again. I'm living the consequences of smoking pot heavily (as well as hash, keif etc). It's not worth it. Try to "buy some insurance" against using with meetings (there is a program called Marijuana Anonymous where you will find people who take pot addiction seriously. I feel for you. Best-
Awakened
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seeking Shelter from the Storm
Posts: 39
Thanks, everyone. I did not know about the Marijuana Anonymous group...how do I reach them? After reading more on this site, I feel like my pot addiction is pretty small-time. It isn't, though, really. Addiction is addiction...doesn't matter what the substance is. I am sick and tired of the crutch. Why do I need to be High all the time?
Still standing strong...but struggling.
Still standing strong...but struggling.
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