angie9

miss 19 months is asleep Im having a coffee surfing the net feeling ok but just thinking about things ( as you do ;0)) and wonder "why"?? what made me a alcoholic why me??? Why can some people control threir drinking? are we in the same leaugue as smokers?? even tho smokers dont make a fool of themselves or potenially can kill i.e drink driving. Somedays Im distraught that Im a alcoholic *oh the shame* and living in a small town can have its enormous pitfalls when you have a problem like mine. Somedays Im terrified at my addiction and the thought that its going to be with me that I probably can never drink responcable (sp) again fills me with regret anger panic . thanks for letting me share my thoughts :0)
Ang

baggervance

I just want to make it to a meeting tonight pick up my 30day chip and come home sober.If I do that then today has been a great day.Im not going to worry about not ever drinking agin whats the point if I choose to drink down the road it will still be there.cunning baffling powerful and patient.

angie9

My faverite time of the day ( well night) is when I go to bed and I havent had alcohol the feeling I get of "winning" is very comforting. Im finding that my emotions are up and down some days Im fine other days well I feel like what Im feeling today.......

Dee74

ang,
I'm not having a go at you, but I have cerebral palsy.
Might as well ask why do I have that...and I did for a long time. A long lonnnnnngg time LOL.

Now I accept both my CP and my alcoholism as parts of me - neither define me, but they do play a part in making me who I am.

It's up to me not to let either of those things, or anything else, beat me.

That's all any of us can do really

D

Rowan

I really like what Dee said, that neither his CP or his alcoholism define him, but do play a part in making him who he is.

Ang, there is great wide world out there - the one thing you can't have is alcohol. Life has many riches to offer - try to turn it around and think, 'wow, look what I DO have!' rather than 'oh, i wish i could have that one thing.'

You've got a lovely little girl who deserves a sober mum. I wish I had put down the drink when my girls were so young. But I didn't, and I'll never get that time back.

So whether it's genetic, environmental, how you were or were not raised - sure, it matters, but in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't change the fact that you're an alkie - just like me.

It's always good to see you here.

Row

Jules62

Hey ang,

I don't really have anything to add-Dee put it perfectly really.I know I'm an alcoholic-and sometimes I get really angry about that too-but the fact is I only find some peace when I accept it-and live my life as fully as I can.It's not 'all' I am-and it's not all you are either.

Hang in there,

Love, Jules xox

redbear

Keep reminding yourself the finer points of yourself now, without the A. I quit smoking cigs and food taste great, I smell great, I quit drinking, i'm not moody anymore(most days), i'm more patient with my children, I'm more loving, I quit smoke pot, I play with my baby more, i cook her diner, I read her books at night...I'm becoming a better person for me and my girls.

angie9

thanks all . I know Im a better person beacause I no longer drink and I have no idea why I have this "poor me" attitude somedays its a small feeling some days its quite a strong empty feeling. Im scared!!! yes I love being sober I love waking up with a clear head I love that Im not destroying my brain cells lol but Im still scared coz occaionally that voice says "dont you want a drink?!" and I really hate it !!that its there. I know I harp on all the time about this guess I just want reasurrance from you lot as you know what Im going through
Ang
and if someone gets time can you tell me how do I post a picture by my user name?? :0)

Rowan

Hey Ang,

Click on 'user CP' on top left, then 'edit avatar' (that's what that pic is called), then you can choose one that's available on that page, or you can upload something from your own computer by clicking 'Browse' down near the bottom. Don't forget to 'save changes' - good luck!

angie9

Thanks rowan it worked have a picture of my 19 month old daughter "sophie"
:0) Ang

Dee74

she's a *cutie* Ang !

D

Jules62

Oh ang-what a little sweetheart she is too!

Adorable

Jules xox

parentrecovers

angie, i just wanted you to know - i admire you and your hard work in recovery. and your daughter is cute! blessings, k