leeside

That's great news Jen!

igetallnumb

Hey all

Today I was off from work so I took a walk around the city..... it is so pretty here at the end of the summer.... but the fall is the best....
Im going to a festival in upstate new york on Saturday I was told by one of our lovely members about it .... cant wait to go.... it will be good for me to be around people on the weekend instead of shutting myself in...
Today as I walked past some stores I stopped in a liquor store.... now Ive never been a big drinker at all ..... if I drank 4 times a year that was alot.... I was a drug girl..... but today I found myself in there .... and I wanted a bottle of wine .... (weird since I dont really enjoy wine but i do get a huge buzz from it..) then I went to the hard stuff .... stuff I know.... for some reason I wanted it.... then my brain was reasoning saying "well your a recovering DRUG addict you can drink a little....." I didnt like that feeling....
I went outside and lit a cigarette.....standing outside the store.... debating....I went back in ..... I bought the bottle..... its in my cabinet.....I dunno what to do.... if I drink it ..... I might be in for more than I bargained for....

stone

Hi Jen, if I was you I would throw it away.

igetallnumb

I should .... I know I should because I know what will happen I will drink the whole thing.... and being drunk and manic depressive is not a good mix.... never was when I would drink on those rare times.... whenever I drank I drank to get polluted.... not tipsy ....

All I need right now is to get drunk and wind up doing something I will regret later....


thanks stone...

Jules62

No-you really DONT need to do this and you do realise that your addict thinking is planning your fall for you, don't you?

You are not an alcoholic-but you are an addict and it seems to be that what's happening is you're about to trade one addiction for another.Or even worse-just add alcoholism to the list.Do you really need another one Jen?Forgive me-but I think you're being really stupid.You can't afford to play with alcohol.

You also know that drinking will make you even more depressed than you already are-so what on earth is the point?Do you actually want to feel terrible and do something you'll regret?No-the real you doesn't-but the addict in you wants you to keep on destroying yourself.

Please-tip the damn bottle out.It is poison.You're worth far more than this and I would hate to see you throw away the work you HAVE done on yourself so far.

Come on sweetie, you know better than this,

Jules xox

Dee74

You're lucky Jules got to you first Jen. I was gonna be way more blunt.

it's time to do something *constructive*, not destructive, ok ?
let's hear about the clinic and the NA meetings, hey ?
D

igetallnumb

I dumped the bottle out.... yes it was REALLY stupid of me to even buy it.... thanks for the concern jules and dee....

This is why I come on here to be honest about it... thank you for your honesty back ....

and your right D about the meetings... and clinic....

I have been talking to a therapist via telephone when I cant make it in the office because of work but I have been seeing my therapist and she is working with me on both of my issues.... thanks again

Dee74

glad to see you didn't give in to the idea Jen.
You're well on the road to recovery - no point to turning down a side road now

D

igetallnumb

I am glad I didnt drink either..... very glad I feel like I just dodged a huge bullet

Dee74

yeah no sense in adding new layers of burden when you're doing so well at facing up to the old ones Jen

I mean you rarely drink, so I think it's clear you're not an alcoholic...but adding alcohol to the medicine mix is not good...neither is substituting one form of substance abuse and self harm for another.

you did very well.

D

slash

Miss Jennifer...Good for you. Keep it up. See you at the festival.

leeside

Good thing you got rid of it! Alcohol is just another drug. You really don't want to get hooked on another drug.

Take care Jen

scaredykat

I'm so glad you didn't drink tonight Jen. It's not worth it. You know my story and what i went through with drinking. You definitely don't want to go down that road. I'm glad to see you still posting. Take care of yourself.

Barb

stone

Pleased to hear it Jen. I dont think throwing drink into the SI mix would be a great idea somehow, do you?

I dont SI but I have done it once or twice when drunk.

juliee

Hugs to you Jen! YOU MATTER!

gypsytears

I was getting a bit worried when I read about the alcohol Jen. I'm glad it had a happy ending by being dumped out .

Where are you going in upstate NY? There's a fair in Rhinebeck going on right now. If that's it, it's lovely. Have fun regardless !