Daisy1975

Jen,

If you do end up going into the hospital for treatment PLEASE do not feel ashamed. It takes tremendous strength and courage to admit when we need help.

If you were sick and needed medical treatment for any other medical condition you would not feel ashamed. There is no difference here. When you are sick, you get help!

Also as a former self cutter, I sympathize. In doing some research on it, I learned how common it is and just how many talented, intelligent and very wonderful people have done it during their lifetimes. You are not a weirdo and a very valuable person.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

Daisy

scaredykat

Hi Jen, oh my god. You make me want to cry. You are so much like me. We could be sisters where we feel the same way. Look how many people on here care about you. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.

As for calling yourself a freak. You definitely are not. I feel like that too sometimes. Here's something you don't know about me and no one else does on this forum either. I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but here it goes.

I'm a very skinny lady. I'm talking 113 lbs. I'm 5' 51/2" tall. I've been skinny my whole life and felt like a freak about it. Kids teased me in school so bad and had horrid names they called me. Just like the fat kids being tease. All through school was like this for me. I only weight 84 lbs when i graduated high school. I don't have a eating disorder, I never have. It hereditary and I have a fast metabolism. I just had a guy ask me last week at a AA meeting if I had a eating disorder. So it can bother me yet sometimes. I always wished I was normal with my weight or even slightly fat like the rest of the world. So I'm trying to except myself yet too.

Hang in there and don't leave. Today is another day. Try to make the best with what you have today. You are sooo worth it.

Barb

P.S. I'll talk later. I have to go now. It's my husbands turn on the computer now. He doesn't get as much time on it as I do.

igetallnumb

Thank you for sharing barb....

that took alot of courage to admit that (barb)

my SI is rediculous right now ... I cant stop right now ....

I cant ....

gypsytears

Jen... I pm'd you .

You don't sound like you're OK even though the doc sedated you... is your brother around to take care of you?

igetallnumb

He had to work ....

Only people here are my parents.... so u know how that goes....

Ill stay online as long as I can ...

Its hard even for me to communicate through typing these days.....

its weird...

Been very tired lately as well all I wanna do is sleep ....or SI

cmc

Hi jen,
I hope you know that I feel the same as everyone else here- about you. I'm so glad you decided to open up here and also proud and happy to see you get some help for yourself. You are so young(....half my age) and you have everything ahead of you. It may not seem that way- but it's true. I can guarantee you that things will change...they always do and they always have.
Please take care of yourself, whatever 'jen' you are here- hiding or in the open, you are still the same wonderful person, no matter what. I'm a pretty good judge of that.
huge hugs....

gypsytears

Hey Jen... hope you're sleeping. Come back and give a shout when you can .

Rusty Zipper

((( numb'r)))

Live

Thinking of you.

micepod

(((Jen)))

scaredykat

I'm thinking of you too Jen..

(((((hugs))))) Here's a cute picture for ya.

Barb

stone

Hi jen, thinking off you hun.

igetallnumb

Hi everyone...

Im here and awake... I was crying earlier today and my mother came in the room and said "why are you always ****ing crying always gotta make people feel sorry for you and ****" Of course I said nothing because I dont even want to speak and secondly Im a wimp when it comes to her ...

Suffice to say I want to SI ........

Thanks for the hugs everyone you have no idea how much they are needed...

scaredykat

Jen, never mind what she's says. Just stay on here and post with us.

Barb

igetallnumb

Im trying not to hear her.... so many years of it .... god it just so bad when your own mother hates you

cmc

jen,
She hates herself too...I remember something I heard once. "Hurting people hurt people" and of course that is NO excuse for the behavior- none at all.
In many ways mr cmc and I have found other people to 'fill' family roles. When we were first married (@ 18 and 19 yrs old!! ) we had a group of older friends who became mentors and later throughout our lives we found that friends were often 'real family' and family members were people who we were just related to.

Daisy1975

I am a BIG time wimp when it comes to my mother. She always accused me of making up my depression and other "mental health" issues just to get attention. Even when I was hospitalized! She saw me in the ER and slapped me and asked me to explain myself. Luckily, the nurse there told her to leave. I had to cut off ties with her over a year ago because it was so damaging to me to stay in touch with her. Parents can be so hard on our self confidence and well being! It should be just the opposite - but unfortunately sometimes it's not!

Daisy

parentrecovers

mom hugs...k

(it's not easy being a mom sometimes. and we make mistakes. but i agree, everyone deserves a caring mom. and dad.)

leeside

I think she is embarrassed by you and that is how she reacts. Don't make it right though. A little love goes a loooooooooong way.

igetallnumb

Im panicking I go back to work today and I dont want to go .... my anxiety is so high

the only thing fueling me to go is that the money I make will go towards moving

God..... Im ready to vomit

I dont want to go im scared to death my anxiety is at an all time high .... i cant even see straight