madworld

I think the one of the most important things to recovery is restablishing whats normal. Like when I was getting high I would just have needles guns, and money laying out the table because my whole circle was use to seeing that. Its like we were predators because some people took losses because of us, like if you went around talking about how much money you had around us, then it would probably be gone. I mean I'm not trying to quit drugs but quit the life of just chaos. I'm still having a hard time trying to change my mind that this stuff is not normal. I mean it really hit me when I was talking to this person about stuff like this and they were actually offended at the things I did. I was like wow this person is soft but then when I thought about it, I was like man this person is just normal and my reality is vastly different then most. Me and the people I know just look at it like its walking almost and like its no big deal. I mean I go from having a lot of money to none and right now I know I could just go get money by force but I'm really trying to change it around and I know I will. I think if I'm going to stay clean then I'm going to have to say to myself shooting up every once in a while is still not normal and resorting to violence all the time is not normal. I think thats why the mental game is soimportant because you have to start training your brain to lose that addict mentality.

stone

That kind of life doesnt fit with how you are gonna have to be if you want to quit using mate, in my opinion anyway.

The guy taking me through the steps was like you, he found he had to leave that life behind too.

Youre right, it aint normal...

madworld

Honestly in my world it is actually normal. We all have different realities. I'm just trying to get into a world where that is not normal. I mean I think it is really hard for people to see how a mind can get warped but if thats what you been around then thats the norm to you. I mean thats how people get respect in certain environments. It is what is love it or hate it.

stone

I understand that, I guess I mean that in order to quit drugs it is necessary to get to like yourself.
It is pretty hard to like yourself after a day of stealing/dealing and shooting people.

madworld

I'm not saying I ever shot anybody or was dealing. Those are very serious offenses so I really am not going to say that but its not as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you are put in situations that you didn't want to be in. I mean I can't get into details about my life but its not all that cut dry. But the thread was just about getting a new mentality on life.

stone

I was referring to the guy taking me through the steps mate.
Wasnt meaning you did those specific things.

barb dwyer

what if you get a new mntality .. then decide you don't want to use any more?

marle

I don't know if you believe in God or not, but try living His commandments. That should pretty much take care of the using, dealing, lying, stealing, cheating and shooting people. He has pretty good guidelines for life. Marle

madworld

I'm not sure what your asking. I already stopped using. Are you asking what I'm going to do next?

madworld

I do believe in God but not in any sort of set religion way and again I didn' say I was dealing and shooing people. I have done things for drugs that i'm not proud of like most of us. So please don't say I'm a killer because I'm not.

Rusty Zipper

mw... normal, for me, i had to establish a new normality...

and that took, and stil takes a whole lot'a work...

casting off that childlike, grandiose, and emotionaly sensitive behaviors

for me, its becoming a adult!... OMG, not that!

madworld

yeah it is hard becoming adult especially when you have been living that addict life of no discipline what so ever. Its like using takes away from your maturity.

Rusty Zipper

mw takes away!!!... for me me, thought i had some, now i see i never di until clean'n up, and working a program of recovery... my instruction book to life...

and hey, what they, and who the hell are they? say!

men never follow instructions till they mess something up.. rotfl

Pilgrim

Good to hear that Madworld!! That's why we are here. It's hard to stop using on your own.

I am an alcohol addict. When I look around lately, I see that mostly people don't drink. It's the oddest feeling huh?

madworld

I think it is trying to try to figure out what to do with your free time when you stop getting messed up. It is a bit strange being sober and not around it anymore but I'm just trying to learn to get past that and try to remember what I liked before I was getting twisted.

Pilgrim

We tend to call that a luxury problem to have. You know - how to fill free time. At least we have some now. I will die if I keep drinking. Or worse - go insane first and die slowly.

I make a plan for each day. Staying busy is important in the early stages.

SaTiT

I'm scar of normal people.lol
Growing up in an alcoholic home..mmm i don't know what normal is
to begin with.

Steping out of our comfortzone can be challenging and at times
i will feel alone. I will meet border bullies at every trun as i try
to break free. Being a prisoner of addict is not totally a proper term for me.
It's more like a living hell...

Thank god for AA, NA or any recovery programs, I don't have to do it alone.
Of course i will feel uncomfortable irriable , discontent as hell...no more quick fixes
and the 12 steps smashes the hell out of my ego too...makes me wanna get
smash sometimes.

Recovery is a trip. It feels like I'm on a bad acid trip somtimes.
However..i am slick, hip and cool. Truning a negative into a possitive.
Recovery is not for the faints of hearts and i'm about as tough as they come.
i feel everything, all my pains, all my shame, all my guilt. Obviously
i'm not numb anymore. So, hang on to UR ass.lol

How can i ever expect to rule the world, if i can't even rule myself ?
I can be a SOB at times, this i know. I fought many battles against myself.
Then oneday, someone told me i didn't have to do that anymore.
All i had to do was surrender , let go , or give up.
but damn it...what's up with the god thing ?

I thought and thought and thought about the god thing..becuase
after all it is everything or nothing...drove me out of my freaken mind..i tell ya.
Then oneday my sponsor told me.

" you can't think your way into recovery"

WTF???...he knew what I was going through, so why didn't he step in.
Him and god are a couple of pranster..I tell ya.
But it is an experince of a life time and ... don't under estimate the power of struggle
I still don't beliving in god but that's okay...God belives in me.
Something about "for the grace of god there go I"

well..all i have to do is look at my past and the crap i did.
The countless times.

Oh well, i'm not perfect, i don't have to be...I ain't god, just another addict
living clean and sober one day at a time.

barb dwyer

oh... I guess I didn't get that in your post - that's why it hit me wierd.
I thought you'd written this to mean you were still going to use when you felt like it ...
and this
to mean you were only THINKING about putting it down.

ok then - what's the plan? What're you gonna do next?

(ps - welcome to SR if no one's done that yet)

madworld

To be honest I'm just trying not to take this thing to fast. I'm going to actually try to work a real job and am going to try to get involved in athletics again. I used to be a semi pro athlete so I want to get back into that. I don't want to give up on my dreams just yet.