verity29

Dear all,

You may remember me from such postings as "Need your support" "Rock bottom or new beginning". I have been to my seventh AA meeting tonight.

I may not ave explained this before but i have always been a "Binge" drinker. When i start i just can't stop. Well after my meeting tonight i felt a sudden and fierce urge to drink.

It's 2:20 a.m in Ireland and i have just finished half a bottle of vodka. My partner and child are asleep in bed and i am working my way down the bottle.

I am just two weeks into recovery for the first time having promised my partner i would not drink again. Yet here i am.

Anyone awake?

Rowan

Yes, I'm awake. Can you tip out the rest of the bottle?

L Ron Hoover

I'm awake. I've been having troubles around the 2-3 week point myself for a few months now. Had a few beers earlier, regretting it now.
I'll be here another hour or so if you want to talk.

LRH

Jules62

Hey Verity-I'm here.

You said you felt a sudden urge to drink after the meeting-was there something that triggered you there?I know, for me, it's important to look at what sets off that urge-beyond the physical craving.I know for me it's often when I'm angry about something.

I can't tell you what to do-but I'd love you to put the bottle down.You have 2 weeks sober so far-you've proven you can stay sober that long and I know you can do it again.

Keep posting here and know you're not alone as you feel right now.

Love, Jules xox

L Ron Hoover

Jules hit a point there. Sometimes I'm angry about something and I don' always know what. I went out earlier today just to but some cigarettes, and I came home with a six pack. I don't really know why. I've been upset lately about work, myself, my present, my past, my future. Sometimes it seems the only way to forget about any of that is to have a few drinks. And that would be great if I could stop after a few, but I can't. I had to drink all 6, and I was supposed to see a movie today with my boys. I promised we'd go tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe a fresh start for both of us will do us good.

Let us know how you're doing.

LRH

verity29

Hi Jules,

Earlier this week the main speaker at the meeting talked about being sexually abused as a kid. I was also sexually abused. I think this brought about the niggling urge to drink because before this i used to binge drink a lot. But i think that man hit a raw nerve with me.

verity29

Hi Ron,

Wish i culd drink only six.......hope ypu make that movie with your boys. Time is so precious. I remember when i was small at home waiting for Dad to come home on time and feeling sick with dread knowing that he would turn up pissed and all that was to come.

verity29

No Rowan. I just can't do that. Sorry.

Jules62

Verity-I'm very sorry.I'm a survivor too.Drinking doesn't make it better though I've found-it only makes it worse.Do you have someone you can talk to about this?I needed to go into therapy to work through many of my feelings about it.Drinking was my attempt to block it-it didn't work and I only hurt myself in the end.

Please tip the rest out.It's not helping you sweetie.Keep posting here as much as you want.We do care.

Jules xox

hjwlfamily

i'm chiming in late here, are you still around? stay on board here as long as possible and try not to drink any more. concentrate on how you will feel tomorrow, that is always so hard and we try to avoid these thoughts when drinking but since you are here you are obviously aware of what is going on. take control and just go to sleep, cuddle with your family in bed, that will feel a lot better than cuddling next to a bottle. please take care of yourself, we all know what you are going through.

Dee74

Verity what Jules says is right...drinking to block it out or punish yourself or make you forget is not the answer. It simply *doesn't* work.

I tried that.

You can tip out the bottle. It's hard but it can be done. I've seen it.
You can do it.

D

pointmagnet

Hope you can have a better day tomorrow. Those cravings can be tough to overcome, especially at night.

But, if that bottle of vodka is all you have right now and it's the middle of the night where you are, pouring it out will work at least temporarily. Give it a try.

L Ron Hoover

If you can't tip out the rest of the bottle, I understand. Remember, I'm the one who had to drink the entire six-pack.

Could we both agree that we won't buy any more booze tomorrow? I have my home group meeting in the evening. I like them a lot, and I have a job to do there. If I don't look too far ahead, I think I can go to bed without a drink tomorrow.

Please keep posting. Even in my brief time on this forum, I know there are LOTS of folks here who have gont or are going through exactly what's happening now.

Blessing and prayers to you, Verity.

LRH

verity29

Hi Dee,

I was to as much "Therapy" as you could care to mention. The only problem was those giving the "Therapy" had never been through the same thing themselves. So how could they possibly understand the hell. The feelings of being an inferior.

Dee74

Yeah I know Verity. I never mentioned therapy. I just said that drinking wasn't the answer cos it wasn't for me. Therapy wasn't either.

I just had to deal with it (it being abuse of all kinds) honestly and without no holds barred. I'm still doing that.

I still know you can tip out the rest if you want.



D

Jules62

Hi again Verity,

I very much understand those feelings. I found it helped to talk to other people who had also gone through what I had(as well as therapy) There are sexual abuse survivors groups all over the world(Don't know about Ireland specifically-I'm in New Zealand-but you are not alone in this-that I can promise you).

I do know what it feels like and again-I'm sorry.Also though, again, drinking won't help you feel better.I understand it-and I won't judge you for it-I'm just saying there IS another way.You don't have to stay in this place and I'd love to see you move from it.There is hope-although I know right now you probably feel miserable,

Jules xox

Rowan

Hey Verity

From your profile I see you are reading Rachel's Holiday - I loved that book!

verity29

Hi Jules,

Almost too druk too sne this message whee did you get help for abuse?

Daisy1975

So sorry to hear about this. I know we have to deal with the pain on the inside to stop drinking and using, but it can be very painful. I recently relapsed just talking about my parents and their addictions. I can't imagine surviving sexual abuse. I slipped, but I was able to convince myself to flush the remainder of what I bought down the toilet. Do you think you can pour out the rest of that bottle?

You can't change what you have already done, but you can change what you will do within the next hour or even the next few minutes.

Rowan

Verity - maybe it's time to call it a night, then? Tuck into bed and try to sleep if you can.