first post; need to get healthy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
first post; need to get healthy
hi everybody,
i don't know where to start with who i am or how determined i am to get sober. i have so many issues tied into my alcoholism. i'm more of a functional alcoholic with a somewhat good-paying job, although i know i could and should be doing better financially at this point in my life. i'm 44 in a few weeks.
i manage to get to work and do a good job and have probably only called in sick due to a hangover less than five or six times in 25 years..........but have definitely gone to work with a hangover probably 1,000 times!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i know is that i never sleep well due to worry about my $20,000 debt, my broken relationships, and anger over what went on at work that day or the day before....
i just read something in the newspaper about a man who rides the LIRR (Long Island Railroad) and how he's been arrested 10 times for arguing with other passengers about their rude, loud behavior. then i read an editorial from someone who is in anger addiction recover, which led me to do a search on rage addiction, and i found this website. i've always loved message boards, and look forward to reading and learning about everyone's experiences and how they've found help and support in recovery here. i think i'll be splitting my time between the forums on recover from alcohol addiction and rage addiction.
i've been drinking since age 12. my parents and brothers are alcoholics. one brother is a rage addict (in my opinion, he just thinks he's 10 times superior to every one else and he's always pissed off about something). both of my parents have rage issues but seem to have mellowed a bit. my mom just isolates herself. she has no friends left. i'm afraid i'll become just like her, but without a husband. at least she never had to support herself and could just spiral downward without worrying about paying any bills because my dad is a brilliant money manager, on a small scale, but enough so that she never had to work.
anyway, i do already isolate myself a great deal. i've lived in new york for nine years and have no really close friends any more. i just always get mad at friends and basically decide not to deal with the issues and just walk away. i've alienated a few key co-workers with my angry outburts and accusations and others have gotten the word and are friendly but distant. or maybe i just THINK that nobody really likes me. could be paranoia on my part to a degree, but then i have to be realistic and face the truth.
my drinking and subsequent hangovers have resulted in so many negative outcomes. a lower college gpa, minor injuries which held me back from exercising for weeks at a time or causing me to give up jogging altogether, numerous lost or broken items such as cameras, cell phones, new leather gloves, etc. you've probably been there if you're in this forum!!!! just basically i make a mess of everything, and am not living up to my potential.
i had an abortion at age 25 and cannot tell you the depth of my regret and guilt. perhaps there is someone here who knows where to get help for this issue. i know this regret and guilt plays a big part in my rage and alcohol addictions. but there's obviously so much more to it. self-esteem, lack of confidence, weight issues.
for five years, up until about eight months ago, i was on antidepressants. zoloft and trazadone. but no therapy to help solve the problems that got me depressed. i finally got off them because i was drinking too much and becoming apathetic. at least on the trazadone i could sleep. but the meds made me act like an idiot sometimes, just goofy and off-kilter and people thought i was weird. i'm definitely a little weird anyway, even without the meds! but the meds gave me a false sense of security. now just the alcohol gives me that.
one other strike against me. i work as a bartender! yes, i am surrounded by booze and delicious food every time i work. i know that i need to get back into a 9-5 routine, but none of my old suits fit any longer and i've been out of that field (executive assistant) for over five years now.
so the only way i can get my life and health in order is to get clean and sober. i hope this forum and all the people who have come before me can help me get started. i look forward to chatting with all of you and reading through all the other threads!!!!!!!!
shannon
i don't know where to start with who i am or how determined i am to get sober. i have so many issues tied into my alcoholism. i'm more of a functional alcoholic with a somewhat good-paying job, although i know i could and should be doing better financially at this point in my life. i'm 44 in a few weeks.
i manage to get to work and do a good job and have probably only called in sick due to a hangover less than five or six times in 25 years..........but have definitely gone to work with a hangover probably 1,000 times!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i know is that i never sleep well due to worry about my $20,000 debt, my broken relationships, and anger over what went on at work that day or the day before....
i just read something in the newspaper about a man who rides the LIRR (Long Island Railroad) and how he's been arrested 10 times for arguing with other passengers about their rude, loud behavior. then i read an editorial from someone who is in anger addiction recover, which led me to do a search on rage addiction, and i found this website. i've always loved message boards, and look forward to reading and learning about everyone's experiences and how they've found help and support in recovery here. i think i'll be splitting my time between the forums on recover from alcohol addiction and rage addiction.
i've been drinking since age 12. my parents and brothers are alcoholics. one brother is a rage addict (in my opinion, he just thinks he's 10 times superior to every one else and he's always pissed off about something). both of my parents have rage issues but seem to have mellowed a bit. my mom just isolates herself. she has no friends left. i'm afraid i'll become just like her, but without a husband. at least she never had to support herself and could just spiral downward without worrying about paying any bills because my dad is a brilliant money manager, on a small scale, but enough so that she never had to work.
anyway, i do already isolate myself a great deal. i've lived in new york for nine years and have no really close friends any more. i just always get mad at friends and basically decide not to deal with the issues and just walk away. i've alienated a few key co-workers with my angry outburts and accusations and others have gotten the word and are friendly but distant. or maybe i just THINK that nobody really likes me. could be paranoia on my part to a degree, but then i have to be realistic and face the truth.
my drinking and subsequent hangovers have resulted in so many negative outcomes. a lower college gpa, minor injuries which held me back from exercising for weeks at a time or causing me to give up jogging altogether, numerous lost or broken items such as cameras, cell phones, new leather gloves, etc. you've probably been there if you're in this forum!!!! just basically i make a mess of everything, and am not living up to my potential.
i had an abortion at age 25 and cannot tell you the depth of my regret and guilt. perhaps there is someone here who knows where to get help for this issue. i know this regret and guilt plays a big part in my rage and alcohol addictions. but there's obviously so much more to it. self-esteem, lack of confidence, weight issues.
for five years, up until about eight months ago, i was on antidepressants. zoloft and trazadone. but no therapy to help solve the problems that got me depressed. i finally got off them because i was drinking too much and becoming apathetic. at least on the trazadone i could sleep. but the meds made me act like an idiot sometimes, just goofy and off-kilter and people thought i was weird. i'm definitely a little weird anyway, even without the meds! but the meds gave me a false sense of security. now just the alcohol gives me that.
one other strike against me. i work as a bartender! yes, i am surrounded by booze and delicious food every time i work. i know that i need to get back into a 9-5 routine, but none of my old suits fit any longer and i've been out of that field (executive assistant) for over five years now.
so the only way i can get my life and health in order is to get clean and sober. i hope this forum and all the people who have come before me can help me get started. i look forward to chatting with all of you and reading through all the other threads!!!!!!!!
shannon
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to SR!I suggest you read the top 2 sticky posts here
Lots of information to help you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/
Blessings
Last edited by CarolD; 10-20-2007 at 12:29 PM. Reason: Added Link
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Shannon,
Welcome!
It struck me reading through your post, that you might find, that your anger dissolves when you become sober. Drinking seemed to cause angry feelings in me that would be almost constant and sometimes overwhelming. When the anger faded the depression would worsen. It was a roller-coaster. I'm not saying that sobriety solves all of life's problems, far from it, but you might feel like you are more grounded and able to deal with life.
I hope you keep posting.
Welcome!
It struck me reading through your post, that you might find, that your anger dissolves when you become sober. Drinking seemed to cause angry feelings in me that would be almost constant and sometimes overwhelming. When the anger faded the depression would worsen. It was a roller-coaster. I'm not saying that sobriety solves all of life's problems, far from it, but you might feel like you are more grounded and able to deal with life.
I hope you keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
hi anna,
thanks for your reply! (and everybody else too!).....you could be right. another friend pointed this out as well. i'll have to see how it goes for me. certainly, being tired and hungover always increases irritability, depression and laziness!
thanks for your reply! (and everybody else too!).....you could be right. another friend pointed this out as well. i'll have to see how it goes for me. certainly, being tired and hungover always increases irritability, depression and laziness!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hi Shannon,
This is different...my family all called me Shannon from a little baby on but my real name is Helen. I am a recovering alcoholic. When I first tried to figure my life out & wanted to get sober I found my anger within had a great deal to do with my alcoholism and depression. I hated myself for what I was doing to myself and finally had to give up and ask for help. I was getting nowhere fast.
It is good to see you here. Keep coming back. Keep posting.
This is different...my family all called me Shannon from a little baby on but my real name is Helen. I am a recovering alcoholic. When I first tried to figure my life out & wanted to get sober I found my anger within had a great deal to do with my alcoholism and depression. I hated myself for what I was doing to myself and finally had to give up and ask for help. I was getting nowhere fast.
It is good to see you here. Keep coming back. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
I started 'self-medicating' for depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia in highschool..after what I thought of as "normal highschool partying"
Alcoholism can definately sprout from depression, rage, etc...basically anything you want to run away from/hide from/make go away bad enough.
I'm glad you joined the board, and my thoughts and prayers will be positive for you
getting sober
Alcoholism can definately sprout from depression, rage, etc...basically anything you want to run away from/hide from/make go away bad enough.
I'm glad you joined the board, and my thoughts and prayers will be positive for you
getting sober
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