chicago

i just nearly had a nervous breakdown. to sum up what happened, a rent check i had put in the drop-slot on tuesday was never recieved by them. it was a certified bank check and i have a receit for it. the property manager was going off on me saying "a receit doesnt help me"...i had to stop payment on it and it could be a week or so before i have the funds again to get a new one. my first reaction was anger and hatred towards the property manager but slowing down i can see his point. when i dropped it off, a shady woman was standing next to the drop slot and could have reached in and taken it out when i left (in hopes of cashing it which she couldnt do...the bank told me it hadnt been attempted to be cashed). anyways i nearly broke down and was absolutely beside myself. i did have a second where i thought about drinking but im so into AA that i didnt entertain it. in tough moments i try to trust God, as there has to be some reason for this. in 18 months of sobriety this was the one moment where i truely was beside myself. it will all work out and everythings okay...but my anger towards the manager was frightening.

AcceptingChange

wow! that is a frightening situation.
i can relate to your anger.

modern life is very hard.
Putting money into a piece of paper,
sealing it with our spit, and giving it to the government
bureaucracy to deliver to our debtors.
it's amazing things work as well as they do.

i noticed you didn't run to change your mood
by chemicals when you were upset.
well done!
i get livid when that stuff happens. irrational,
bitter and wordy. my whole body needs focus,
a focus to vent my anger.
Walking away is a MAJOR achievement.
congratulations on acting in a way you won't regret tomorrow.
it's not easy, it really is a hard thing to achieve.

mike_mass

hang in there...I remember one time I bounced a check in early sobriety. I thought it was the end of the world. Stuff like this happens, it'll pass.

GlassPrisoner

Finances & Romances will get you !

I had the same thing happen. My company told me they mailed my check, but it never arrived. I had to borrow from a fellow AA to make rent, and eventually the check showed up.

You situation will work itself out too, it's just rough (I know) when you're in the middle of it.

Hang in there.

IO Storm

Finances & Romances will get you !..GP

I like that GP!

Chicago..yeah..we don't get to numb out anymore...

Feeling feelings is a real part of early (and late) lol sobriety.

I am proud of you for handling the situation with grace...

Love,

:

Sherry

miss communicat

hey Chicago,

this must've been the week for financial freak-outs and survival scares...I was behind in my taxes and the IRS levied all my bank accounts, leaving me only $11 to my name, the day the rent is due as well as all my other bills.

I was near a nervous breakdown, until I came to believe that when all our material assets get taken or are lost, we are still left with our spiritual assets.

Like losing the rent check, this has been a test.

I pray that I may be made aware of gods will for me AND that I may receive the power to carry it out. Not that I receive the money to carry it out.

I think you did really well to sit with your feelings, and see that everything WILL work out. No matter what.

No matter what!

Rowan

I think it's normal to think of drinking when faced with strong emotions such as anger. The important thing is that you didn't - and you learned from it.
I agree with Miss c. in that this has been a test - I think we all get them - and I think it's fantastic that you didn't drink. You're obviously working a solid program and it shows.

chicago

thanks for the responses. a couple hours removed and i feel so much better. its no coincidence a program friend had emailed me when i got home about God. something to the effect that its how we react to situations that define us. God had a message waiting for me when i got home. i was livid earlier and now im totally fine. this too shall pass is so so true. its also a sign i believe that im living beyond my means and placing too much of an emphasis on material possessions (ive been buying clothes lately that i dont need) and not enough on spiritual growth. spiritual growth has to be my primary purpose and is the key to my happiness. im learning everyday in this program how to deal with life.

Aducksdelight

Chicago, I was seriously struggling with some financial aid matters a few days ago because I am going away to college in 9 days and they hadn't sent my award letter and I wouldn't be able to find a place to live without it. It was a nightmare and I was close to relapse the entire time because I couldn't handle how powerless I was over the situation and I didn't know how to fix it. Eventually I decided since I was working on the 3rd step this would be the best opportunity for me to just let it go. I have faith that God will help me if I ask Him so that's just what I did. I knew that His will for me was what was going to save me anyway and I always mess everything up so might as well be willing. Two days later the apartment complex called to let me know I had been accepted and not to worry, that I would have a place to live. It was an incredible burden lifted off of my shoulders and I owe it all to God and my willingness to let Him take over my burdens. I am glad that you didn't break and didn't drink. I am also glad you can see that the God of your understanding is helping you all the way. Good luck!

parentrecovers

hope today is better, chicago...you liking your new job? k

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Chicago..

Thank you for sharing and letting me see that we all have "stuff" that challenges us and get through it without drinking..

I don't feel "special" anymore and that's a good thing :-)

Karen

Jersey Nonny

Just another example of, "If you do the right thing, the right thing will happen." OK...the check being lost wasn't the right thing; but, the fact that you chose not to drink over it, certainly was! Good to see the program is working for you. Need to remember those triggers, too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired...HALT!