If only I knew then what I know now. I'm new here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4
If only I knew then what I know now. I'm new here.
Two years ago I would never believe something like this could happen to me. Now I'm frightened of the ultimate outcome.
I left the US over two years ago, hoping to start a new life overseas. I had been suffering from depression, and almost daily anxiety attacks. I no longer wanted to work, I wanted the freedom to pursue my art interests and I finally had the money to do it.
Things went wrong right away due to incompetence and ignorance of many persons I thought I could trust, more things went wrong and combined with culture shock, loneliness ( I should have arranged to stay with a family or roomate, living alone caused me to be able to hide my alcohol problem and stay in denial) and continued anxiety attacks I became completely frustrated. Less than 3 months later I began to drink heavily daily, increasing the amount of to the maximun within 2 months. By the 8th month I was drinking so much (two wine bottles per day, every day, sometimes 3 beers as well on top of that). One night into the 8th month I experience what may have been delerium tremens. I was taken to a run down hospital and given injections of something that stabilized my pulse.
That was the last time I drank for the next 2 months, I went to a more modern english speaking clinic in this city and was found to have highly elevated liver enzymes, but I didn't have alcoholic hepatitis, or any other hepatitis for that matter. I was given albumin intravaneously several times over the course of the week along with some other pills and by the ninth day of treatment the doctor told me I had made a remarkable recovery, almost back to normal enzyme levels. An EKG showed my heart to be functioning normally as well. He didn't tell me anything about fatty liver or any of the other things I've been studying on the internet lately, and simply told me that I must never drink again and not to "ruin his work" that he did on me.
That last comment from the doctor caused me to be too ashamed to ever face him again should I ever go back to drinking. There are no support groups in this country, no counselors, absolutely nothing to help me through the hard times. Slowly I began to drink again until my last drink yesterday. I never went back to drinking as much as I did before, but I know it was enough to be considered heavy daily drinking.
I would never buy more that 2 beers at a time (the alcohol content made them more like the equivalent of 3-4 beers though) I would almost never buy from the same store in a day, and I must have walked at least 4 miles per day since I never owned a car here. I tended to space out my drinking and eat more in between that before, and I haven't had so much as the shakes today.
Nevertheless, by my calculations of what sources I found on the internet, that drinking as heavily as I did may well have already given me cirrhosis, Since
I drank for nearly two years. I wish I knew that before, now I will have to leave this country for a while and pay who knows how much( I have no insurance) in a modern european hospital to get accurate blood work, liver biopsy, ultrasound and whatever else within the next two months all the while living in total dread that I may never even live to be 50, 45 or even 40 even if I never drink again, that I may never again enjoy good health, that I may never realize my dream of finally going to art school after 15 years of waiting.
I kept my post-treatment drinking a secret from those who know me,and I have no family to turn to.
Off and on this year I've been getting this slight pain around the upper right quadrant of my torso, just below the rib cage, it seems the liver is located. I almost never feel the pain it unless I stretch or bend a certain way, or, as I just found this week, if I cough or tense my stomach muscles. But even when I press on it it doesn't hurt either. I know this is serious and I know that this isn't a forum for medical advice, but has this symptom happened to others here?
There's a lot more to this story but I tried to keep it as short as possible. To anyone that reads this; there was a very important difference between heavy drinking and VERY heavy drinking I was doing. Unfortunately I thought I was just doing the former, which is bad enough. All I can do now is hope for the best, but I don't want to die, ever, especially of something like this.
I guess I'll update this post when I eventually get a diagnosis, hopefully someone will learn from my mistakes before it's too late.
I didn't find any threads that deal with how people cope with the possibility of a shortened lifespan and future health complications, I don't think I could handle such a situation. Good luck to anyone in a situation, maybe we will see a cure for liver disease someday.
I left the US over two years ago, hoping to start a new life overseas. I had been suffering from depression, and almost daily anxiety attacks. I no longer wanted to work, I wanted the freedom to pursue my art interests and I finally had the money to do it.
Things went wrong right away due to incompetence and ignorance of many persons I thought I could trust, more things went wrong and combined with culture shock, loneliness ( I should have arranged to stay with a family or roomate, living alone caused me to be able to hide my alcohol problem and stay in denial) and continued anxiety attacks I became completely frustrated. Less than 3 months later I began to drink heavily daily, increasing the amount of to the maximun within 2 months. By the 8th month I was drinking so much (two wine bottles per day, every day, sometimes 3 beers as well on top of that). One night into the 8th month I experience what may have been delerium tremens. I was taken to a run down hospital and given injections of something that stabilized my pulse.
That was the last time I drank for the next 2 months, I went to a more modern english speaking clinic in this city and was found to have highly elevated liver enzymes, but I didn't have alcoholic hepatitis, or any other hepatitis for that matter. I was given albumin intravaneously several times over the course of the week along with some other pills and by the ninth day of treatment the doctor told me I had made a remarkable recovery, almost back to normal enzyme levels. An EKG showed my heart to be functioning normally as well. He didn't tell me anything about fatty liver or any of the other things I've been studying on the internet lately, and simply told me that I must never drink again and not to "ruin his work" that he did on me.
That last comment from the doctor caused me to be too ashamed to ever face him again should I ever go back to drinking. There are no support groups in this country, no counselors, absolutely nothing to help me through the hard times. Slowly I began to drink again until my last drink yesterday. I never went back to drinking as much as I did before, but I know it was enough to be considered heavy daily drinking.
I would never buy more that 2 beers at a time (the alcohol content made them more like the equivalent of 3-4 beers though) I would almost never buy from the same store in a day, and I must have walked at least 4 miles per day since I never owned a car here. I tended to space out my drinking and eat more in between that before, and I haven't had so much as the shakes today.
Nevertheless, by my calculations of what sources I found on the internet, that drinking as heavily as I did may well have already given me cirrhosis, Since
I drank for nearly two years. I wish I knew that before, now I will have to leave this country for a while and pay who knows how much( I have no insurance) in a modern european hospital to get accurate blood work, liver biopsy, ultrasound and whatever else within the next two months all the while living in total dread that I may never even live to be 50, 45 or even 40 even if I never drink again, that I may never again enjoy good health, that I may never realize my dream of finally going to art school after 15 years of waiting.
I kept my post-treatment drinking a secret from those who know me,and I have no family to turn to.
Off and on this year I've been getting this slight pain around the upper right quadrant of my torso, just below the rib cage, it seems the liver is located. I almost never feel the pain it unless I stretch or bend a certain way, or, as I just found this week, if I cough or tense my stomach muscles. But even when I press on it it doesn't hurt either. I know this is serious and I know that this isn't a forum for medical advice, but has this symptom happened to others here?
There's a lot more to this story but I tried to keep it as short as possible. To anyone that reads this; there was a very important difference between heavy drinking and VERY heavy drinking I was doing. Unfortunately I thought I was just doing the former, which is bad enough. All I can do now is hope for the best, but I don't want to die, ever, especially of something like this.
I guess I'll update this post when I eventually get a diagnosis, hopefully someone will learn from my mistakes before it's too late.
I didn't find any threads that deal with how people cope with the possibility of a shortened lifespan and future health complications, I don't think I could handle such a situation. Good luck to anyone in a situation, maybe we will see a cure for liver disease someday.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome - I'm glad you found us and that you posted.
I didn't experience any liver complications, but I know others here have, and hopefully they will be along shortly to share.
What do you have to assist you in your quest to stop drinking?
Don't talk yourself into a shortened lifespan just yet - why don't you just wait until get the test results, and don't drink, just for today?
I'm glad that you are reaching out. Thanks for sharing.
Rowan
I didn't experience any liver complications, but I know others here have, and hopefully they will be along shortly to share.
What do you have to assist you in your quest to stop drinking?
Don't talk yourself into a shortened lifespan just yet - why don't you just wait until get the test results, and don't drink, just for today?
I'm glad that you are reaching out. Thanks for sharing.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome TBIYTC.
I can't say you're an alcoholic, but you sure have the -isms. Pulling a "geographic" to solve your problems, disappointment (depression/anxiety/frustration) when things don't go your way, un-met expectations, un-realized "dreams"....and drinking to cope with it all.
I'm not taking your inventory, I'm exactly the same way. Or I was, I’m getting better.
I suggest you abstain completely. The liver is remarkable in it's healing powers. Also, I'd find a good recovery program and work it. I, like a lot of people, use AA.
I can't say you're an alcoholic, but you sure have the -isms. Pulling a "geographic" to solve your problems, disappointment (depression/anxiety/frustration) when things don't go your way, un-met expectations, un-realized "dreams"....and drinking to cope with it all.
I'm not taking your inventory, I'm exactly the same way. Or I was, I’m getting better.
I suggest you abstain completely. The liver is remarkable in it's healing powers. Also, I'd find a good recovery program and work it. I, like a lot of people, use AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4
Thank you all very much for the replies, they gave me more to think out. Sometimes it helps to get a perspective outside of one's self, which is why I posted to begin with. If I could actually see myself in 3rd person view as well as in first person I would certainly benefit.
I have no support group to help with my abstinence. I do however have the desire to start exercising again, so I've been jumping rope. That should help with the anxiety a little.
There was a lot more going on in my life that had influenced my descisions that I won't bother to mention because I don't want to turn this post into a 10 page autobiography.
I'm very familiar with cognitive therapy methods which seem to point out the thinking patterns you've described, and how I may look like a classic example, but at the risk of sounding like a text book case I'll simply have to give the short answer, it's not always that simple.
People are unique in what there basic emotional needs and some are content with very little, and the sometimes the situation they are in may sustain the most vital ones without even much effort or sacrifice. However some people's needs are not as easy to obtain but are vital nonetheless, even if others on the outside can't see anything special or important about them.
I wasn't running from problems in the US so much as I was running toward opportunities in this country that I otherwise could never obtain, and one of the most important ones in particular would never have been available back home. If only I concentrated on those new things instead of dealing with other things by drinking I'd be better off today.Believe me, it would not work the other way around and I have no regrets about my travel descision in particular. I don't need to get "better". What offends me will offend me, just like what I like I will like. My descision to drink instead of to just accept the good, bad and mundane and how it makes me feel is quite another thing. I made a big mistake to start drinking to cover up my unpleasant emotions. This is just the way I think, it's a culmination of genetics and personal experience. So some situations may be harder for me than for someone who is more "level headed", but put that same "stable" person in another culture or situation and he may be eaten alive while I'd be trying to help HIM and wondering why he can't hack it.
So now I have to plan things more carefully, but getting the things I adressed are very important to me even if no one else can see why. I guess calling something a dream made it sound melodramatic and unealistic in the eyes of others, but I will have it. I certainly don't think I'm asking for much.
This is the second day of my abstinence, and I hope that I really will quit for good this time. Alcohol certainly never helped in the past, and it won't help now.
Thank you all for the replies, but my physical symptoms still really concern me. Actually I hope no one on the forum has them, I wouldn't wish this on anyone just so I could feel I'm not the only one. I won't substitute any replies on it for medical advice, don't worry.
I have no support group to help with my abstinence. I do however have the desire to start exercising again, so I've been jumping rope. That should help with the anxiety a little.
There was a lot more going on in my life that had influenced my descisions that I won't bother to mention because I don't want to turn this post into a 10 page autobiography.
I'm very familiar with cognitive therapy methods which seem to point out the thinking patterns you've described, and how I may look like a classic example, but at the risk of sounding like a text book case I'll simply have to give the short answer, it's not always that simple.
People are unique in what there basic emotional needs and some are content with very little, and the sometimes the situation they are in may sustain the most vital ones without even much effort or sacrifice. However some people's needs are not as easy to obtain but are vital nonetheless, even if others on the outside can't see anything special or important about them.
I wasn't running from problems in the US so much as I was running toward opportunities in this country that I otherwise could never obtain, and one of the most important ones in particular would never have been available back home. If only I concentrated on those new things instead of dealing with other things by drinking I'd be better off today.Believe me, it would not work the other way around and I have no regrets about my travel descision in particular. I don't need to get "better". What offends me will offend me, just like what I like I will like. My descision to drink instead of to just accept the good, bad and mundane and how it makes me feel is quite another thing. I made a big mistake to start drinking to cover up my unpleasant emotions. This is just the way I think, it's a culmination of genetics and personal experience. So some situations may be harder for me than for someone who is more "level headed", but put that same "stable" person in another culture or situation and he may be eaten alive while I'd be trying to help HIM and wondering why he can't hack it.
So now I have to plan things more carefully, but getting the things I adressed are very important to me even if no one else can see why. I guess calling something a dream made it sound melodramatic and unealistic in the eyes of others, but I will have it. I certainly don't think I'm asking for much.
This is the second day of my abstinence, and I hope that I really will quit for good this time. Alcohol certainly never helped in the past, and it won't help now.
Thank you all for the replies, but my physical symptoms still really concern me. Actually I hope no one on the forum has them, I wouldn't wish this on anyone just so I could feel I'm not the only one. I won't substitute any replies on it for medical advice, don't worry.
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Welcome...
Your among peers here and Rowan is right dont focus on the "shortened life spans" wait for concrete test results first... you may have drank heavily for 2 years but..... its stopping now and that makes all the difference.
Trust me the earlier you quit the better off you are.. believe
Your among peers here and Rowan is right dont focus on the "shortened life spans" wait for concrete test results first... you may have drank heavily for 2 years but..... its stopping now and that makes all the difference.
Trust me the earlier you quit the better off you are.. believe
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4
The symptoms appear to be like those of pancreatitis, and that would make sense. The pain is almost completely gone after this time of abstinense and that also is a clue since cessation of alcohol will alleviate the symptoms. It would still be a serious condition and I'll have that checked out as well.
Other that insomnia I don't have any withdrawal symptoms, which is fortunate.
I feel like I have been sleeping for nearly two years, I had almost completely forgot the reasons I came to this country in the first place, over the next few weeks as prepare to travel again and get to a clinic that can diagnose whatever I have, I'll resume those activities. If possible I'll then return to my current residence.
Other that insomnia I don't have any withdrawal symptoms, which is fortunate.
I feel like I have been sleeping for nearly two years, I had almost completely forgot the reasons I came to this country in the first place, over the next few weeks as prepare to travel again and get to a clinic that can diagnose whatever I have, I'll resume those activities. If possible I'll then return to my current residence.
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