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Old 07-30-2007, 08:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
I don't get it
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
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I'm an addict


Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting on here. I've been struggling with my addiction since I was in my teens. I've had 4 sponsors, and the last one I had, resighned as my sponser because I was not willing to do the work.

I wish I would never resort to my addiction again and have a better life, but I know tommorow I'll just keep living how I have been. I don't have the willingness to change. I used today. I'm afraid to live any other way.
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Old 07-30-2007, 08:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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what are you afraid of?
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Old 07-30-2007, 08:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by want2live View Post
Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting on here. I've been struggling with my addiction since I was in my teens. I've had 4 sponsors, and the last one I had, resighned as my sponser because I was not willing to do the work.

I wish I would never resort to my addiction again and have a better life, but I know tommorow I'll just keep living how I have been. I don't have the willingness to change. I used today. I'm afraid to live any other way.
hello and welcome
we are here and we will always be here and you admitted you were an addict right off and thats a good thing
What was your DOC? Mine was opiates
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Old 07-30-2007, 08:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome,

Obviously you DO wish to get well, or you wouldn't be reaching out here.

What ARE you willing to do? Do you want to continue living in the grips of addiction?

Please keep posting - we are always grateful for new members, and we do understand what it's like to struggle with giving up a substance or alcohol.

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Old 07-30-2007, 10:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I know where you are coming from by not being willing to do the work. I was there once, my situation only got worse and worse. It's a progressive disease and it WILL get worse if you continue to use, eventually.

You have to just stop and take a good hard look at yourself and your life and decide where you want it to go. You have to be honest with yourself.

I believe that to begin recovery, you have to completely open yourself to sobrioty and what it means, and what it takes to get there. Also, you have to do it for yourself, no one else. It's a decision that only you can make, but we are all here to support you.
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:35 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by want2live View Post
Hi everyone, I don't have the willingness to change. I used today. I'm afraid to live any other way.
Hello want2live,

Welcome to SR...

Willingness is necessary in order to live sober..

.Being in the insanity of addiction is no way to live. There is a better way to live and that is by being sober...Your fears can be allieviated by getting a good support system.

Keep posting here, we are glad you found us...
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Old 07-31-2007, 10:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Chaning our lifesyles and thinking are hard work and it's worth it.
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Old 07-31-2007, 12:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Take a look around and you might be inspired.
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Old 07-31-2007, 12:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to Sr. If you thought to come here their is a part of you that wants to stop.

most of us fear change, but changing your lifestyle for a better quality of life is a good change.

I hope you give it a try.

Keep posting.
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Old 07-31-2007, 03:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
I don't get it
 

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Thank you all for your responses. I've been reading threads on here for a few months now and finally decided to jump in.

I've had 4 sponsors in the past 6 or 7 years. I asked my 3rd sponsor to sponsor me several times, and each time I thought I was serious, but my actions showed I wasn't, and eventually would give and feel terrible afterwards and just go back out there.

He said he didn't want to sponsor me anymore, but referred me to one of his sponsees. I have been with this sponsor since December of '06, but almost every weekend I would give in to my addiction and call him afterwards.

In May he told me he wanted to start seeing some progress in me if our relationship was to continue. He told me to get off the fence and either choose my addiction or choose recovery. I still didn't know what to do, but I told him I'll choose recovery. I still continued to use and just wasn't taking my recovery as serious as I should.

He resigned from being my sponsor last month and said to me if, and when I'm ready to do the work I can call him. He said he belives in me and that I should believe in myself also.

I want to know what it's like to really live. To have real relationships. To be able to love someone and recieve that love back. I am alone, but my addition keeps me going.
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Old 07-31-2007, 03:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hell fire your not alone this guy is trying to save your life.You got to remember your sponser is sick also.You maybe affecting his sobrity by going out every weekend.You need to get off the fence.You will never have more real relationships than you find in the program.If you been around for 6, 7 years you know what to do.What would you tell somone who came to a meeting saying same stuff your sayin.
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Old 08-01-2007, 02:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
I don't get it
 

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I'm going to a meeting tonight and I'm gonna be honest with others about my recovery or lack of it. I'm thinking of calling my last sponsor, who won't be at this meeting, and telling him I'm willing to do the work.

I feel different today. Like I'm willing to let my 12 step program be my Higher Power. I'm willing to let my group be my Higher Power and run my life. To really listen this time. I want to give up and stop trying to run my life.

I've made a mess of my life. I can't be a success and run my life. I have a chance to really live. I want to believe and take this seriously.
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Old 08-01-2007, 02:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're willing to start over. Let us know how the meeting goes.

Have faith.
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Old 08-02-2007, 05:28 PM   #14 (permalink)
I don't get it
 

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The meeting went well yesterday. Only a few of us, but I heard some good stuff.

I haven't called my last sponsor. I'm afraid he won't sponsor me again. I guess I'm afraid he'll reject me.

These last couple days I've been thinking alot about that part in the BB, I think in chapt. 5, where it says, " If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps."

I think I'm ready to do whatever it takes to be like them. To be apart of a recovering group. I know I'll be the same old me if I don't.
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Old 08-02-2007, 07:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting.

You said "I THINK I'm ready to do whatever it takes.."

Why not tell yourself, "I KNOW I'm ready to do whatever it takes.."

or, maybe you won't be.

Never mind the past sponsor stuff right now. Go to lots and lots of meetings and maybe another teacher will appear. Share at meetings. Post here.

The miracle will happen, as long as you put in the required work. If I can recover, you can recover. We are no different.

You CAN do this!

Rowan
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Old 08-02-2007, 10:09 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Want2Live, you are moving in the right direction. Just remember to go to meetings and not use in between meetings. The other stuff will come in time. Don't worry about the other sponsor or anything like that. Just work one day at a time. I remember someone in a meeting once said, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". Don't worry. Things will work out if you are truly willing to work for them.
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Old 08-02-2007, 10:59 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hi Want2live

Just going by your nickname, I can tell that there is a "spark of life" within you that simply needs to be fanned a bit. You obviously have a desire to stop using, but desire alone doesn't provide us with recovery. What we think or feel means very little unless we put them into action. Results count in recovery.

As it has already been said, you've been around the rooms long enough to know how this thing works and what to do. It's time to surrender completely because your way hasn't worked. I truly believe you know what to do, but for some reason you just kept running away. Whatever it is....it's time to get honest with yourself and others - so you can be helped.

That excerpt you mentioned is similar to one in the Basic Text of NA. It says, "If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps." Like I already said, you have the desire, but you have to follow it up with effort...and I'm talking about consistent effort. You have to "get it" because no one can give it to you. All of us who have stayed clean for years got there by staying clean one day at a time. We followed direction and didn't use no matter what. If we can do it...so can you.

Keep going to meetings. Get phone numbers and reach out. Call BEFORE you use. Remember, no addict can deny another addict their pain. If you've truly had enough, then it's time to do something different (stay clean & recover).
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"We are powerless not only over drugs, but over our addiction as well. We need to admit this fact in order to recover." NA Basic Text, pg.20, 5th Ed
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Old 08-03-2007, 08:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
let it grow!
 
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keep doing the next right thing, and keep getting to those meetings! blessings, k
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