Macphisto

I know most of you will say that you can always make time if you have the desire but I find that I just don't have the time. I could make a meeting here and there but nothing consistent.

I have two young sons (19 months and 4 months) and they take up all my free time when I'm not at work. My wife owns her own buisness so she works alot also and our hours conflict with each other so if I'm not at work I'm taking care of the kids because she's at work. I know you might suggest a babysitter but truth is that I don't know anyone I would trust with our kids, they are just too young and I want to be there for them

I guess I'm just wondering if I can give this a good try without feeling that it's for nothing because most of you seem to think that without AA it can't work.

Right not I'm still drinking in moderation (about 3 to 4 beers) in the evenings but on weekends it sometimes becomes quite a bit more.. Lately I haven't been giving it my all so that is why it becomes more on weekends.

I'm ready to just quit though.. I'm not having anything bad happen because of the drinking at the moment and usually I don't even get a hangover (well, maybe just a little unsettled in the morning).. I'm not gonna try to say I don't have a problem because I know I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I'm just tired of having to have those drinks and I've done it for Way too long.. I'm 35 and think I can stil get myself in shape and be around for my kids.

I just don't know whether to give it a go, everything I read on here points to "it's either AA or you'll fail"...

The longest amounts of time I've gone in the past five to seven years is 3 months and 6 months.. Wasn't terribly hard either, and detox was not hellish or anything. In fact, I think that because I didn't have a difficult time that is why I started again. I guess I just thought "If I want to stop again it won't be too hard".. Truth is staying stopped is hard. I have friends and they ALL drink quite a bit.. I can't change the friends and I know they would respect if i said I didn't want to drink anymore. They have all had alcohol issues with family members

Well, I think I'm going to start my usual tapper this week where I'll gradually go to zero beer within 7 days.. I know most of you don't agree with the tapper technique but it has worked great for me a few times and this way I don't loose sleep of get anxiety attacks..

thanks for listening and I appreciate any input or words of wisdom

Anna

You're right, I don't agree with the taper idea. I spent so much time trying to do that and it never worked.

I think you can definitely get sober without AA and I have done that. BUT, I still take a lot of time to work on it. Sobriety is a priority in my life. It has to be. I need balance and I need to take time and if I don't, it won't work.

Take care of yourself!

Dream2bClean

sent you a long reply and it dissapeared just know, i am here w/ you, typing with one hand and holding a baby bottle w/ my chin while i feed her as i do so. like i can get to a meeting?

but i will try, i just need to go for it, yesterday...

IO Storm

You admit you are alcoholic....

But who are we to say that only AA can help you...

What i can say is that most of us tried it alone and did not succeed...

And those of us who did keep sobriety without a program did not have

"quality of life" in sobriety the alcoholic thinking remained not dealt with.

For me..this hopeless alcoholic has to have the support of my fellows

and the ongoing spiritual change necessary for continued sobriety.

My best to you!

Love,

:

IO

Macphisto

Haha.. I can totally understand the whole "doing something while holding a bottle with the chin".. Try doing that and trying to type while a 19 month old want to also be on your lap and bang away at the keyboard..

In any case.. Thanks for the words of encouragement.. I know it won't be easy and I can no longer say "it's my first time trying" But I do think it's time to stop and I have to give it 100% or it won't work. Other times I knew I wasn't fully commited and knew I just wanted to stop for a while to see if I could.. Once I saw I could I would think to myself that I was fine..

This time I know I Want and Need to do it 100% and that I can NEVER drink again... WOW, scarry thought but definately a reality.

Thanks again

OHHH... I did forget to mention that I know people that have quit on their own and they seem pretty happy.. Maybe daily life is a struggle for them but I don't see how AA is going to change what your mind is telling you..

I think since Sundays are our only "family days" I will attemp to get back to going to church with the entire family and hopefully I will have GOD in my life again and he will give me the strength to stay sober. Another plus to that is that I think it will bring my family closer..

lostmdboy

I Have 3 children my self. They way I see it is that I had plenty of time to drink, and to obsess about drinking. Going to meetings now takes much less time.

Macphisto

AGAIN.. I knew I would get these types of responses.. Fact is that drinking I am still able to be in the house and doing what I need to do which is much different than getting a baby sitter or taking them to a baby sitter, getting in the car, getting to the meeting, being at the meeting, driving home, picking up the kids, etc... meaning also disrupting their sleep patters.. How do you even compare that to just taking swigs of beer I'll never understand..

My drinking was to usually just have a few while with the kids and when they go to sleep I'll have more but I still need to be there even if they're asleep.. Doen't really take any more time than say drink a few glasses of water..I can't do the extrememly late meetings once the wife is home because i have to wake up early for work

Thanks either way

Rowan

Hi Macphisto,

It's good to see you again. It's definitely a struggle when our children are young. I'll tell you what I identified with (from your latest post here on this thread): that you are drinking but still able to be in the house or the kids are in bed . I NEVER drank around my kids. My husband had moved out and my children were quite young. I couldn't get out to drink and party anymore, so I stayed in. I got the kids to bed, rushed through bedtime stories etc, then had a couple drinks, then a couple more, and so on. Sometimes ended up in bad shape. Sometimes not. Lucky for me they were sound sleepers. I wouldn't have been in terrific shape if they had gotten ill or needed to go to the hospital. I wouldn't have been able to drive.
The next day found me hungover, irritable, and depressed. Mad as hell that I drank so much. Drinking took a lot away from me - I just didn't see it at the time. My daughters are 14 and 11 today, and I don't see my eldest. What I just described impacted her greatly. I was always obsessing about drinking.
So, can you get sober without AA? Absolutely. Could I? Absolutely not.
I had to disrupt their sleeping patterns sometimes, had to drive them to my sisters or my sponsors so I could go to a meeting. I couldn't get to a LOT of meetings, but I managed to make a couple. In the meantime, I stayed in touch by phone with my sponsor, and with others who I had met in recovery. We met at my sponsors for Big Books study sessions, and I brought my children along.
Thanks for letting me share, Maphisto. I do hope you keep posting. We do care.

Rowan

hopefully tryin

HI,
In my opinion I think that anyone can do anything as long as their heart is set on it and they truly want it. I know that I have gotten clean (on many occasion) without NA....that is not to say i didnt go right back and pick up where i left off. BUT, if you are sincere and truly do not want to drink anymore than I believe you can do it.
Just my little 2 cents
Take care

GlassPrisoner

I didn't have time for AA. Besides, I too had a wife/boss/house/kids/neighbor....etc.

God saw to it that those problems were removed so I could recover, if you catch my drift.

igetallnumb

Sometimes you have to lose it all ... to gain everything.

Gmoney

If you don't have time for AA, are you doomed to fail?

I know you expect a response like the one I'm about to give, but it seems like you already have the answers and a set plan for how you're going to approach your problem. I mean...I really don't understand what it is you're looking for: a cosigner or an argument. Don't get me wrong, I can sense the desire you have to stop drinking, but I'm also sensing that you just haven't had enough or haven't reached the point where you'll go to any lengths to stay stopped. Your desire appears to be conditional.

I, for one, do not believe AA is the only way to find recovery...it just happens to be the way the majority of the people who visit this site has found a solution to their dilemma. I mean, it is called "SoberRecovery" and AA is a proven & successful program - so it's only natural that most here would advocate for AA. I started my recovery process in AA and I haven't had a drink or a drug in 9 years (on August 24th). Most of the people I know that had a drinking problem found recovery in AA, but there are always exceptions we can mention. The exceptions I know of could get sober off and on, but hardly any of them could stay that way.

Here's what I've found to be true: It's desperation that brings people into recovery. We who have suffered from our disease, and have tried countless measures to control our usage, (over time) ultimately realize that control was just an illusion. Although some of us went to greater extremes than others, in the end, we all suffered consequences and admitted that we needed help. We couldn't do it alone. Most of us refer to this "end" as a "bottom" or "rock bottom." It usually isn't until a bottom is reached that we surrender and become totally willing to follow the direction of those who have found a way out of the dilemma. An old AA'er I know would always say, "Through pain we become obedient." Meetings and 12 step recovery has never been for folks who needed it...it's for those who want it. How bad they want it is demonstrated in what lengths they'll go to get it.

So...the real question is: What lengths are you willing to go to put down the drinks and keep them down?

calabash

Without AA and NA I found stopping easy. But staying stopped was really difficult - failed there.

Like you, I made a three months once, but then picked up again.

Since woirking a 12 step programme I have found it much easier to stay stopped. Support, fellowship, a programme of living in the 12 steps, but I think most importantly I now understand the nature of my disease. I understand (with drugs in particular) the powerlessness that I suffer from. Which is, believe it or not, incredibly empowering.

I need to do whatever it takes to stay clean. I try and do that. I alkso have 2 small children, third on the way, wife and I run a small business.

But I nearly lost all of it due to addiction.

Today I understand the main focus of my life is staying clean. From that all else is able to follow. Get the staying clean part wrong, and everything falls apart.

I also know my disease is progressive. How far do you want to go. You drink around your children. This is dangerous in my view. Do you drive with them too after drinking. How much do you drink whiule looking after them. What are you teaching them about alcohol.

Yeah, I did all those things, so not judging - just asking!

SaTiT

it's a tough i know rising children.
When my daughter came into this world. I pretty ended up
doing the samething you did. i went to work and came home and
babysit while my ex-wife went to work.

That part didn't changed when I got sober.
I went to worked and came home and babsit a 3 and 4 years old
while my GF went to go. Both of us did stay sober, both of us
went to work and school, all of us went to meetings.
Luckily the folks in AA in my area was understanding and there
was a little playground for my girls to play while we attended meetings.
After all, it is a family dis-ease and Alcoholism effects everyone of us.

A funny thing happened, when i first got my step girls..they were like
little monsters...really, really ornery.
But image this, the folks in AA thought my girls where will behaved
and most people thought my girls where will behaved. So it was'n't
a big deal, the girls hung out in the meetings as we all did and listen.

Okay..the little people (my girls) never listened to me...they watch and learned.
okay, okay i was a little bit ornery when i first came into AA. lol

Slowbriety

You took time to get drunk, right?

laurie6781

No, if you don't do AA you are NOT DOOMED to failure. Here is a list of some other Recovery Programs that are proving to be effective IF YOU WORK THEM WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE (just like AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Hope that helps you some.......................and WELCOME TO RECOVERY!!!!

Love and hugs,

Sav

You can make it without AA... but you should have some kind of support and release from stress. You sound like your very busy, with no time to even take a breather. I'd guess you're drinking moderately, as you said, in an attempt to relax.
Whether or not you can find spare time, and especially if you can't, you should find someone or some group to vent to and express your frustrations. NOT your wife only. I'm sure she's very supporting, but it's good to have an outside person in a marriage to express yourself to, even a friend.

Some of the boards, like MA, are starting "live chat" meetings. That sounds like a great solution for someone like you, who sounds like they're running ragged and can't find the few hours to get to a meeting or even coffee with a friend.

Missymae737

Hi Macphisto,

Here's what happened to me...When I first came around SR, I wasn't going to meetings on a regular basis...I HAD to move and didn't know anyone in the town I live...I had the desire not to drink, but without meetings I always made an excuse. I claimed I didn't need them to stay sober and besides, I had NO transportation.

I had a month sober without meetings and was doing well...UNTIL I got into my car Under the iinfluence, wrecked it and got a DUI...I thought my life was unmanageable before this incident. WRONG... It got worse and I finally hit bottom.

I learned there is a church across the street that had meetings once a week. Well I totally surrendered and dropped by...When I left that meeting I had a list of phone numbers that I didn't ask for...To my amazement, I had a half of a dozen people offer me rides...

I have been sober ever since and thankfully attending meetings almost daily...So between coming here to SR, and going to meetings my life has been saved...Believe me when I tell you this...

AA may not be for you as others have stated but I am part of the large majority of people that have been SAVED by AA, a day at a time,

Thinking of you...

mike_mass

Try to get to a meeting...the 3-4 beers a night is not moderation.

Jersey Nonny

You don't know anyone you would trust to watch your kids while you get to meetings, yet you trust yourself to watch them while you continue to drink. Some babysitter you are! Seems to me you're just finding excuses not to go to meetings so you can stay home and drink.

You've got that right! I drank for 32 years, and quit regularly...problem was I couldn't stay stopped until I got involved in AA. Could I, or anyone else, stay sober without AA? Possibly...but, I personally don't know anyone who has.

You may have to change a lot of your friends, in order to stay sober. Of those who would truly respect your decision, are there none who would be willing to stay with the kids so you can get to a meeting?

Maybe there's someone there in AA who would help you in your desire to quit with the help of meetings. Instead of looking for all the reasons you think you're unable to make meetings, try finding ways that you can. You and your kids (not to mention your wife) will be the better for it.