Macphisto

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who have given me a wide range of advice but all great advice non the less. I feel very optimistic about staying sober this time and have decided I will try to make meeting every time possible. I will try to work out some agreement or schedule with my wife and mother so that they can take the kids for just a couple hours a few times a week.

Although I won't take the kids to meetings I will make every effort to make it and take it from there. Maybe I will meet people willing to just chat on the phone when I'm feeling I need a drink. I don't know what the future holds in my new pursuit but I sure know what it holds if I continue to drink and it's not good. I feel great today as it is officially my second day of no drinking. I was planning to tapper to getting to zero but decided to jump in with both feet after your great responses..

Thank you...

Jersey Nonny

I knew you would figure something out...if you were truly willing; and, I believe that you are.

Good Luck to you...keep us posted on your progress.

BTW...that church you mentioned wanting to attend with the family may just have a weekly AA meeting...check it out.

Debaucher

lol... i read that and thought WTF... 3-4 beers IS moderation...

"guidelines put forth jointly by the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (2) define moderate drinking as no more than one drink a day for most women, and no more than two drinks a day for most men."

oh... also I read somewhere that moderate drinkers abstain from alcohol 3-4 days a week!

I have to laugh at myself... what do I know about moderation!

Rowan

Macphisto,

I'm very glad you are being willing and open-minded - these will assist you greatly on the road to recovery.
I hope you post here often - it helps many of us to connect with others in recovery regularly.

best

Looking at some of what you wrote...
It isn't either AA or you fail... It is... Doing "What Ever" it takes or you might fail.

I remember doing things with the babies such as taking two food shopping with me or even bundle them up for a trip to buy beer. I did what it took to get what I wanted.
The same solution works for getting sober... Do what needs be done.
Don't try... DO!

Macphisto

Yup, it might be laughable but honestly 3 to 4 beers for me is nothing right now. It may relax me a bit but I don't feel the slightest bit buzzed in the traditional sense.. Maybe it's the tolerance that I've built up because after not drinking for a few months I would find that those same 3 or 4 would give me a good buzz.

In any case, maybe it was also just a way for me to look at my amounts and say it was cool because it was "moderation" so in other words my alcoholic mind is lieing to me..

It doesn't matter now, it's a thing of the past, I know I've come to that "point" where I need to stop and want to stop whole heartedly. People talk about "rock bottom" and although I haven't had an adversely negative experience as my "rock bottom" I think the cumulative effects of little things has morphed my situation into my own personal "rock bottom"... I'm very confident and now have a game plan to do this.. Thanks to you all... I did need a slap in the face as well as support and you have provided this for me because you understand...

I'll be sure to post my progress as I go through this journey..

baggervance

Well your not an alcoholic like me If I coulndnt get {not just a buzz} feeling the way I wanted why bother drinking three or four. My idea of moderation for me is too not eat drink all I can till I pass out might take few pills and just keep that same cycle going over and over agin but that is moderation in my drinking.

tkdan

Hey Macphisto, I almost did not reply because I did not want to get attacked by the evil AAers LOL. I personally do not do AA. It is not because of the God thing I realize I am powerless to control alcohol. I do believe it is God that gives me the strength to abstain. My father in law has thiry-five years sober and always makes his Tuesday evening meeting. I know it works for many people. I truly have such a busy life that my every minute is occupied. Me my wife and our three kids are all in karate we are on our school's competition team which means that we spend much of our time training. When we are not training we are working on our house (we are in the middle of remodeling). You could say my karate school is my AA and the friends I have there are sober friends. I think if a person is doomed to fail it would not matter whether they were in AA or not. A person may be less likely to fail if they are educated about the disease of alcoholism which is something they get from AA. With that said if I ever get to a point where I realize it will take that extra step of going to AA in order to stay sober then I would not hesitate to drop one of my training sessions and get to a meeting. I think that is what it takes to remain sober the willingness to do whatever it takes. Sorry to be so long winded but I wanted to share my thoughts. My advise, do whatever it takes to live free from alcohol. Good luck and way to go for realizing it is a problem.

scootinbabe

i had the same problem when i started.

i have three young kids not yet in school.
my husband works all the time; however, i did get him to commit to covering the kids for two AA meetings a week:
one is at 8 pm on a weekday (kids are in bed)
the other is 9 am saturday (he takes them to breakfast--it's become their thing)

i have supplemented the two meetings with lots of reading and connecting to two on-site support groups.

this is a serious enemy that we face and the more you can arm yourself with people, knowledge and techniques,
the better prepared you are to beat this thing.

good luck!

mike_mass

It seems even the founder of Moderation Management had some trouble with the definition...

http://www.peele.net/debate/kishline.dui.3.html

Vance

Wow! Interesting story Mike.
The last time I went through treatment, it was hard for me to take it serious. I was bounced between counselors because mine was having *problems*. It was hard to really tie-in with one & be on the same page. He ended up melting down after 25-30 years sober. I thought, if he failed, then I surely will.

Anyway--Macphisto--

Great choice on going for it. It sounds like you noticed a few triggers that could lead you to being in the same situation, even with the best of intentions. I just started going to a few meetings & felt nice leaving them. Always had something to think about. Sure, I thought I am not as bad as this guy......but guess what? There is probably somebody that will say they were not as bad as me. Either way it DOES NOT matter. We are in the same situation.
Now it is time for me to get a book & truly work it. I did not want to be told to go to meetings or hear the one day at a time thing.
Now I am slowly seeing why it is said so much. Give it an honest try & see how things *just happen* to get better. If you have a bad day--appreciate & use the unconditional support.
I felt like a tug-of-war. One end....the partying-----other end...support.
I did not want to play games with myself & give myself *free passes* to use.
I knew it could not work that way.
Keep posting my friend!
V----

IO Storm

Moderation Management..

They must not be alcoholic..just Moderate Temperate Drinkers...

My story is like Rowan's..I drank in front of my girls..even partied with them...

but suffered estrangement with my eldest when my alcoholism took total

control and literally exploded in all of our faces...

My son was young..and I would do the necessary "mommy stuff" while

drinking cans of beer from a straw in a Big Gulp cup!

The obsession won over my quality time with him...and affected our relationship

even tho' he never saw me drunk.

But he asked why mommy had to take frequent naps and couldn't take him

to get a hamburger or see a movie because I refused to drive " buzzed"...

Thank God.

And, I broke his heart when I left for weeks to rehab.

Just my two cents, M................

I hope you and you and your family never experience these things ...but if

you head into these behaviors..seek help fast before ANY hearts are broken.

Love,

IO

slash

Well the quick answer is - of course you can get sober without AA. Many have -- and contrary to what I am reading here, many succeed as well. I personally chose AA as I began my recovery journey. For a few years, I went to regular meetings. Eventually with a lot of hard work, I began to internalize much of what I learned - some from AA, from sober support and from people whom I admired. I was at that point getting much of what I got from AA in other places. I still occassionally go to meetings but I personally believe what is important is that we fulfill ourselves honestly and entirely, not by what means we choose to do so. The real trick is the self honesty part and THAT generally is born of involvement with a healthy sober support system as most of us admit, often times, others have a better seat to our shortcomings than we do. NO ONE can tell you how to achieve sobriety or how to work your recovery. I celebrated 11 years continuous sobriety on May 27. Life gets better everyday..and THAT is no exaggeration. I am happier than I have ever been and I can't wait to wake up tomorrow because experience tells me that if I remain responsible for the moment in which I exist and I navigate that moment honestly, positively and wholeheartedly, tomorrow will be even better than today. Woooo Hoooo!!! I truly wish you all the best. Just do what you know in your heart to be the right thing for this moment. I promise the next moment will come.

calabash

Hmmmm, I wonder what is moderation for cocaine users. Was my 1 or 2 grams a day moderate?

Perhaps I am not an addict at at all?????

SeekSobriety

There will always be someone who does more and considers what we do to be "moderate", there is always someone who drank more,the word moderation is in the eye of the beholder.
We will always have excuses we can make to not be sober,
If we don't really want to be sober, we will not be sober.
If we want it, we can have it. Look at all the amazing tools, forums, groups, fellowships, programs, hospitals etc. that are available to treat alcoholism and other addiction disorders! We live in a blessed time to have all these resources art our disposal! What a gift! I can give myself a million excuses to drink but at the end of the day it did not work for me, which is why I am here. Unfortunatly the brain is built in such a way that it forgets very easily in regards to remembering how bad it can get when drinking/using. We remember the 30 minutes of feel goodness and forget the hours of hell/days that follow. I have to remind myself every day, because I know how bad it is in my gut, but the part of my mind which seeks only immediate pleasure with no regard to the consequence wants me to forget!
I just ignore that little voice, it has no power unless we give it power. It is the little alcohol/drug addict trapped in our head crying to get its own way. Thanks for listening.

scootinbabe

ditto--willingness is the key. if you are willing, the doors will open.

soooo glad you decided to try to make meetings. they are so worth it. and, knowing my life with little kids all day, it is truly a blessing and a little glimpse of serenity to have that hour to truly be yourself. keep coming back!

scootinbabe

ditto--willingness is the key. if you are willing, the doors will open.

soooo glad you decided to try to make meetings. they are so worth it. and, knowing my life with little kids all day, it is truly a blessing and a little glimpse of serenity to have that hour to truly be yourself. keep coming back!