ChicagoSong

I have no idea if I'm an alcoholic or what. About a year ago i tried going to a couple meetings with my girlfriend, who wanted badly to stop drinking.

My situation has been that I have drank since I was probably 17, i'm 28 now. My problem doesnt seem to be the fact that i want to be drunk all the time, and i'll often go weeks and months, drinking casually just fine, without an "epsiode". And hopefully theres others out there that will understand what I mean. Its almost inevitable that i'll eventually, a few times a year, get so drunk, act like a complete moron, say the craziest stuff, and generally look like an idiot. I'll be instantly struck with feelings of immense depression, embarassment, and become avoidant, and not desire to drink again for days or weeks, then sucessfully be a social drinker with no problems again for varying lengths of time.

i dont know what to do, but I dont want this to happen again.

THanks for reading.

CS

lostmdboy

Personally I do not think anyone here can tell you if you are or not, but if you are asking that in it self tells me something. Keep coming back. You will figure it out at some point.

Missymae737

Hi Chicagosong,


No one can tell you, you have a drinking problem...I think we all know deep in our hearts if our drinking pattern doesn't seem right.

By your drinking, have you hurt people , places and things??? Has your life become unmanageable due to your drinking? Does alcoholism run in your family?

There are so many questions regarding addiction...

Keep posting, we are happy to be here for you...

Anna

Whether or not you're an alcoholic, is something you will have to figure out yourself. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then chances are you're an alcoholic. Have you considered stopping drinking?

ChicagoSong

yeah i've gone to aa meetings before, made sense, and i've also gone to my therapist with my concerns, and he didn't seem to think A.A. would be my only option, but was supportive of the idea of stopping/moderating drinking. I can't risk having another night with complete loss of control, its just not worth it and i've been lucky that my consequences have been limited to embarassment in front of friends/family/co-workers.

just looking for options. does everyone here pretty much see AA as the only way to go? Does moderation work for people? Any alternatives?

Anna

I'm not an AA person and have been sober quite a long time now. AA works well for many people, but whatever works for you is great. I would really discourage moderation. I tried it for such a long time, determined to get it right and all I did was obsess about it and going up and down in my consumption.

Here is a link to some recovery programs:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Missymae737

Hi Chicagosong,

How often do you LOSE control when drinking?

Please remember, Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

AA is not the only way to go as long as you have a good support system...That being said, I have found that AA is the best support system..AA has literally saved my life...I am a true alcoholic, through and through. Without the help of this program, I probably would have died...

If you are alcoholic, moderation DOES not work...Eventually you fall from your addiction.

Keep posting...Thinking of you.

ChicagoSong

I'd say once every couple months i'll have a complete blackout situation where I show a very ugly side of my self. I know alot of this is because I hold things in, I have social anxiety, mild depression, and have a lot of crap that somehow comes out in the form of really crazy behavior when I get completely out of control.

I should probably go to the speaker tomorrow morning at the local aa. We'll see. Thanks for your continued thoughts.

stone

I just wanted to say hi Chicago. You have got some good advice already!

Pilgrim

Hi CS. I want to welcome you too.

When you say blackout - is that the sort when you are awake and doing things while drunk for a period of time (30secs, 3 minutes, 20 minutes - doesn't matter) but you cant remember anything you did during that period the next day? I had those.

ChicagoSong

Yes, thats what I mean. Hazy to no recollection of extended periods of time, and totally out of character behavior that I'd never dream of doing in a sober state. I am just concerned that there's something wrong with me mentally, that Its something about my personality or something i've just got no control over, i dont know. I just dont want it to happen anymore, and i don't want to know if 100% cutting out drinking is the only way to achieve this.

thanks.

baggervance

I am an alcoholic.when I was younger say 18 , 20 I would tie one on and not drink for a while months sometimes.Iprogressed over years to drinking everyday at the worst I had to drink as soon as I woke to function.Your only one who knows.You may be able to moderate AA may not be right for you.Know that if you are an alcoholic it gets worse progression is absolute.Ever read the big book might give you some insight.

Missymae737

[QUOTE=ChicagoSong;1429463 I am just concerned that there's something wrong with me mentally, that Its something about my personality or something i've just got no control over, i dont know. I just dont want it to happen anymore, and i don't want to know if 100% cutting out drinking is the only way to achieve this.

thanks.[/QUOTE]
Hi,

If you have no control over your drinking, chances are you have a problem with drinking. I know the fear, the anger, the insanity of realizing you just can't drink anymore...

I also know if I continue to drink my life is in danger and other peoples' lives are in danger. I got my first DUI a couple of months ago...

SO, I have totally surrendered...

Thinking of you,

Pilgrim

My name is Stephanie and I am an alcoholic. I have a house and a car and a good job. If you met me in the street, you wouldn't know that I can't drink like other people.

I found it helpful to read a book called "Under the Influence". There is a sticky at the top of the forum with extracts in it.

Blackouts are a big sign of alcoholism.

Not all of us reach complete destitution (you know - unwashed wino with long coat sleeping on park bench with brown paper bag). My rock bottom was mental anguish when I couldn't continue to drink but I couldn't imagine not drinking either. I felt trapped with no good solution. I started to want to be dead in that situation. That was my bottom.

I found I was powerless over alcohol. Not all the time. There were days I could drink socially. But I never knew. I had no control over when I would start to drink and then I would have no control over how many I would have. Sometimes I would make promises and break them because I would drink instead. It got to the stage when I was so unreliable, I would preplan my day to take into account the fact that I may not be available. It was no way to live.

Don't get me wrong, to others, I appeared to be the one who could drink a lot and stay seemingly sober compared to them. People thought I could manage my drink well. That's the tolerance thing. I could drink anyone under the table. I found myself hanging out with others who could drink like me. I could have 20 and still be functioning, possibly in a blackout. Normal drinkers would be in a coma.

The last two years I had many days I didn't drink. Mostly because I was sick or embarrassed and was trying to cut back. In the last few months, I was either drinking lots, too sick to drink or thinking about when I could stop working and go drinking.

No one told me I should stop because by then, my friends all drank like me.

I went to an AA meeting in February at the suggestion of my new friends here at SR. There, I found a solution and my life has changed heaps. I have days and days when I don't want to have a drink at all and life is getting better.

Sorry for the long post.

Yasmin1970

Hello Chicago Song,

Well.... reading your story reminded me of.... ME up until about a week ago. Like you, I was making an arse of myself in front of friends, family etc.... but then I went and had a blackout that resulted in me hurting my husband so bad.... well I have problems talking about it.

My husband is my life... and I hurt him ????

Since that day I have not had anything to drink and I am not going to. One of the reasons for my choice is that every time I have made a fool of myself or gotten in bad situations before... I never learnt from it. I have moved my boundaries each and every time... and this time it exploded in my face... but it hurt someone. I can't accept that !!!! Besides... I really dislike who I have become when I drink. I saw a video of myself recently... NOT good !!!

I can't answer your question about you being an alcoholic but I can say this much !!
If you are feeling uncomfortable about who you have become now... and the feeling you get about yourself when you drink.... then please keep coming here. Maybe it will give you the answers ????

I am by no means an expert.. nor do I think this is going to be easy..but I am attending AA meetings and I come here. I just don't want to drink anymore. It has done enough damage in my life, and I want to wake up in the morning knowing what I did the night before and how I got to bed without having to be told how I got there !!!!!

Best Regards and Peace
Yasmin

chicago

hey CS, we're in the same city and the same age. send me a private message. there is a solution to you're problem!

nogard

Welcome to SR

Hang around for a few months and see how it goes.

Kevin

SeekSobriety

Well in my opinion, if you think you have a drinking problem, there probably is one. How lucky you are to have identified this relatively early. There are many of us who had to go many many more years before being able to walk into these rooms and seek freedom from alcohol. How lucky we are to be here and to get our lives back on track! Your in the right place and you have a great head start to sobriety available to you should you so choose!