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Okay needed advice.....

Old 07-19-2007, 10:08 PM
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Okay needed advice.....

I have been trying to post for an hour and i hope this works as now I am not doing so good.....

I am getting married in a year from now.....

Love my fiance & my family....

Family doesn't know I am going through some tough times, they have in the past just not now...Fiance does on some level.....

I do not know what to do.

I drink when I get home from work 10 at night or 5 pm whenever....Just to let you know I am a manager at a job and I work at a retail store for my second job.....

I guess I just need advice to know whether or not I am an alcoholic or not.

I can control my drinking when necessary but if my fiance is driving forget it or when i am at home forget it.....I'll DRINK....Which sucks....Well I like it when I am doing it...So, anyway, any advice would help....

thanks a ton,
K
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Old 07-19-2007, 10:36 PM
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Hi K,
I am glad you found us and sorry that you were having trouble posting. We are here to help!
No one has the right or ability to tell you that you're an alcoholic or not. You'll have to make that call on your own. You say that you "have control" unless something happens. Normal drinkers don't say things like that. They stop drinking when it no longer works for them or for whatever reasons. I don't know. I am not a normal drinker. Anyway, if you say that it sucks and yet you can't stop drinking, that's a good indication. Think about it. How many times have you wanted to stop drinking or started thinking maybe you have a problem or maybe you don't want to do this anymore and yet you still drank? I can't answer that question for you nor will I attempt to persuade you in any way. Just really think about it. Deep down inside you know the answer, no matter what it is. It is good that you are looking for answers. You'll meet a lot of great people here!
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Old 07-19-2007, 10:38 PM
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Hey Sunshine -

No one can tell you that , (if you're an alcoholic or not)
I figure you've already read enough just here on SR to have learned that one.

Welcome to SR, btw!!!

I *can* mention that ... 'normal' drinkers ...
don't ask themselves,
or anyone else if they might have a drinking problem, though.

And finally - something I've learned in a way that I can't pretend I don't know any more is : nothing - and I mean NOTHING ... is better than honesty.

Read around these threads; others will be along soon to welcome you aboard!
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Old 07-19-2007, 11:39 PM
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Hello and Welcme!

I am confused...
Family doesn't know I am going through some tough times, they have in the past just not now...Fiance does on some level.....
Are you saying you used to drink excessively ...qiit...
and have started again?
And are trying to hide the fact?

Or were you using other drugs then
and switched to alcohol?

Glad to see you here..
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Old 07-19-2007, 11:48 PM
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Drinking every night...um? "I'll DRINK....Which sucks"...um? I think you've answered your own question "whether or not I am an alcoholic or not"
Maybe the question could be: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT???
Maybe here @ SR you will see what others are doing and you will want what they have, recovery.
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Old 07-20-2007, 01:06 AM
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Hi sunshine..Glad you are here.
I think if you even have to ask that question it is quite possible you do have a problem.
Take the advice from above.
Hope to see more of you.
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Old 07-20-2007, 05:27 AM
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Welcome! and good for you for being brave enough to ask questions. There is a lot of great information above...of course that won't stop me from adding my 2 cents!

My feeling is this: perhaps we focus too much on whether there is a "title" or "label" for our problem(s) - The fact is you indicated in your post that you ARE having issues and negative feelings...there is no question about that. So, maybe it doesn't matter what those issues are called. Maybe what matters is working toward a solution. Does that make sense? I think that focusing on potential solutions is MUCH more empowering . Instead of asking "am i an alcoholic?", Try asking, "What can I do to be happier and healthier (emotionally and physically)?" This may actually lead to a greater degree of comfort and empowerment that in turn can facilitate an easier recognition of whether or not you are an alcoholic. OK...enough outta me. You are in my thoughts and prayers...as are your family members. I wish you all the best.
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Old 07-20-2007, 07:44 PM
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Thank you everyone for your posts...To answer some questions:
1.) Yes, I did have an issue in the past 6 years ago & had an "intervention meeting" w/ my family.
2.) My fiance, boyfriend at that time was involved and new about everything and stated if I did NOT stop or not drink A LOT then he would think about continuing our relationship.

Thank you Slasher, I like your posting and it really inspired me
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Old 07-20-2007, 08:56 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

At the end of your post, you said, I can control my drinking when necessary. That sounds pretty ominious to me. If you trying to control your drinking, then you are probably an alcoholic. But you need to decide that. I tried to control my drinking for almost two years. I was very determined. Of course, I never did get a grip on it and was really so relieved when I just stopped. No more obsessing.
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Old 07-20-2007, 09:40 PM
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Welcome !!!

if I did NOT stop or not drink A LOT
If you're an alcoholic, those two are mutually exclusive. The only thing THIS alcoholic has found that works is abstinence.

If you are alcoholic, then you are most likely also in the first stages. This disease progresses. If you are alcoholic, you're drinking will increase in both frequency and amount. Sometimes we ramp up quickly, other times slowly. But eventually you will get to a point where you can't drink, and you can't not drink. I can tell you from personal experience that is not a good place to be. In fact, it was a living hell.

You're gonna hear AA thrown around. And, if you're like me, you will not want to go. I didn't. But, it was the only thing I've found that works for me. And I tried quite a few different ways.

If you are an alcoholic, put your recovery and sobriety first. If you don't, there won't be a fiancé or a job to worry about anyway.
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:34 AM
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From my own perspective, controlled drinking suc_ed. If I had to keep a lid on my drinking, what the heck was the use, and where was the fun?

It eventually became obvious that, if I had to try to control it, I was already out of control. As has been already stated, no one can label you an alcoholic...that is something you will have to decide for yourself. As the first step of AA says, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable."

It isn't how often, or how much we drink, but the effect it has on us when we do. Good luck in trying to figure it out...some open AA meetings, and listening to the stories of recovering alcoholics might be helpful. Keep us posted.
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Old 07-21-2007, 05:06 PM
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Welcome to SR sunshine!!

I wish you the best. I hope you stick around. This forum has a ton of great peeps that want to help you.
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