My story. Vicodin, Weight Loss Surgery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 47
My story. Vicodin, Weight Loss Surgery.
Hi all!
I dropped in a few months back and had some amazing support. Of course-I had to go out and do a "bit more research" (sigh).
My whole life I never took pain meds-I flushed anything that was given to me by any doctor. It wasn't until ten years ago (I am 41) that I took a pain killer whatsoever. Once I did-I thought- OMG-this is what it is like to NOT SUFFER! Not only physically but emotionally. I felt numb and "happy". I didn't really get seriously addicted until this past year. About a year ago I was put on Vicodin for a bone cyst in my foot. Owie. Well-I weighed almost 400 lbs last year-so they just kept giving me the vicodin for ALL of my pains. You know-knees, hips, feet-etc.
Last November I had gastric bypass. Today I weigh 237 and may see my goal weight by 2008 sometime. So-because I had this surgery I cannot take anything that is an anti-inflammitory. It will hurt my "new" stomach. So-they continued to give me Vics for pain of joints-bones-etc.
Well-you probably can guess that I went from the baby dosage to 10's in no time at all. So now-I am hooked. I am going to see a pain management doctor in August-because my doctor is amazing and said "Look-you are taking too many and you are scaring me-I need you healthy"-so he didn't take the pills away but lets me know there is an end at some point.
So--and sorry I am SO long winded!! So-now I am supposed to be taking 4 a day AS PRESCRIBED-but alas I mess around with them-woofing 7 one day and six the next and you know the story. So now-I have enough to have about 3 each day until my refill.
Here is what I am saying-I have NOT BEEN SOBER one single day since last year some time. I don't even remember what it's like. That makes me unspeakably sad and empty. I know I am an addict and I know I need to come clean. I have told my shrink and my doctor.
I now need some friends and I need to be able to come here and read and share what this is like. I would like to be OFF of them. Even though that is SCARY to me-because I am unsure what they will do for my actual pain (which by the way-I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE! LOL-because I am always somewhat high).
Thanks so much for listening. I so appreciate you and this site!!!
Peace,
Scarlet
I dropped in a few months back and had some amazing support. Of course-I had to go out and do a "bit more research" (sigh).
My whole life I never took pain meds-I flushed anything that was given to me by any doctor. It wasn't until ten years ago (I am 41) that I took a pain killer whatsoever. Once I did-I thought- OMG-this is what it is like to NOT SUFFER! Not only physically but emotionally. I felt numb and "happy". I didn't really get seriously addicted until this past year. About a year ago I was put on Vicodin for a bone cyst in my foot. Owie. Well-I weighed almost 400 lbs last year-so they just kept giving me the vicodin for ALL of my pains. You know-knees, hips, feet-etc.
Last November I had gastric bypass. Today I weigh 237 and may see my goal weight by 2008 sometime. So-because I had this surgery I cannot take anything that is an anti-inflammitory. It will hurt my "new" stomach. So-they continued to give me Vics for pain of joints-bones-etc.
Well-you probably can guess that I went from the baby dosage to 10's in no time at all. So now-I am hooked. I am going to see a pain management doctor in August-because my doctor is amazing and said "Look-you are taking too many and you are scaring me-I need you healthy"-so he didn't take the pills away but lets me know there is an end at some point.
So--and sorry I am SO long winded!! So-now I am supposed to be taking 4 a day AS PRESCRIBED-but alas I mess around with them-woofing 7 one day and six the next and you know the story. So now-I have enough to have about 3 each day until my refill.
Here is what I am saying-I have NOT BEEN SOBER one single day since last year some time. I don't even remember what it's like. That makes me unspeakably sad and empty. I know I am an addict and I know I need to come clean. I have told my shrink and my doctor.
I now need some friends and I need to be able to come here and read and share what this is like. I would like to be OFF of them. Even though that is SCARY to me-because I am unsure what they will do for my actual pain (which by the way-I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE! LOL-because I am always somewhat high).
Thanks so much for listening. I so appreciate you and this site!!!
Peace,
Scarlet
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome back Scarlet. The 1st step is to surrender and become willing. Are you there yet? Do you have a plan of recovery because wishing won't make it so.??
I hope you are able to do the work it takes to get clean. There are lots of people who post here who have recovery, so maybe you will get motivation. Bless you.
I hope you are able to do the work it takes to get clean. There are lots of people who post here who have recovery, so maybe you will get motivation. Bless you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yo Scarlet...
My but our stories sound similar (at least, I was where you were about 4 years ago, before I got sober for almost 4 months then went out and went out HUGE), I can totally relate to what you're going through (not the weight part, I'm one of those hated 'eat anything never gain weight' people ... but ... don't hate me for it kay?).
The good news is this:
1) You CAN recover and get off this stuff for good.
2) You are accepting of the fact that you are an addict and must stop. I can't tell you what a valuable insight that is to have in terms of your prognosis.
3) You have a great opportunity at hand to be (relatively to MOST narcotic addicts) nipping this thing in the bud. Your level of use is not THAT high. Put it like this, at my worst, I was doing the equivalent of 80 percocet (in the form of Oxycontin, i.e. pure dope, no tylenol/aspirin) to my head A DAY. My best friend, when he got shipped off to Hazelden was doing 90 vicodin a day (hate to be that guys liver I'll tell you!). BOTH of us are ... total addicts, totally spoiled (especially him), and to top it off, we're total WUSSIES when it comes to being dopesick, too. But ... we are both now sober. So what you are looking at doing ... I promise ... can be done, and it's not even going to be THAT tough on you. I promise YOU CAN DO IT. And the WAY to do it to take WHATEVER you have left in the way of pills, and GIVE THEM TO SOMEONE TO DIVVY OUT TO YOU. Otherwise, you're going to RUN OUT EARLY ... now, aren't you? The thing to do here is to make up a WEANING schedule for this person to help you follow. You want to go like: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 pills a day, start breaking them in half when you get to about 3 a day so that you can spread them out farther. You don't have to wean in only 5 days, the point is figure out what you've got left, and make them LAST as LONG as you can. You want to have taken as little as possible in the days leading up to quitting, and been continuously heading DOWN. Don't let yourself get off that track, whatever it takes to make it happen will be WELL worth it in the long run.
4) Get settled in with plenty of water and reasonably healthy but more importantly easy to make 'comfort' food (plan on SUGAR, you're gonna be craving it). Have some good DVD's handy to watch. Put on some fresh COMFY sheets, you're gonna be in bed (sweating) A LOT ... and not in the good way
. Baby Wipes are nice to have. Imodium AD is nice to have. You're basically looking at 3-4 days of feeling like not one part of your brain or body is functioning properly, not eating, not sleeping (UNISOM is your FRIEND if you ask me, others disagree, I say F*** NOT SLEEPING it'll drive you absolutely bats**t crazy after awhile when you're dopesick and AWAKE for too long), feeling pain/weakness as if you've JUST woken up from a coma 1 year after a train ran you over, along with what I like to call feeling like a 'soulless pit of eternal dopesick longing' (you'll see what I mean). Then that part will be OVER FOREVER. You know how fast 3-4 days goes by? Well, it's gonna be the SLOWEST it's EVER been, but ... still ... only 3-4 days. Then for another 3-4 days, you'll have a milder version of the same thing, but your spirits should be improving quickly. There'll be continued weakness, insomnia, lack of appetite, constant yawning, legs shaking, and crying a lot over anything remotely sentimental or just 'normal'-seeming. That part is actually pretty good, healing stuff, though. This is a good time to listen to The Very Best of The Eagles a lot, I've found.
5) Then, around day 4 or 5 is when you should start attending NA (AA if you can't find an NA that's handy, just substitute "drugs" for "alcohol" and it's pretty much identical) meetings, and you should plan on going to one each day for the next 90 days, no matter what. Do what the good people there tell you do, and what the program tells you to do, which you'll know because you'll be buying a Big Book at that first meeting and proceeding to read it cover to cover over the next few days while you're still recovering.
6) In about a week, you'll feel around 80-90% overall, and within 3-4 weeks you'll be able to say nearly 100% if you're like most people.
Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with, my fellow junkie
My but our stories sound similar (at least, I was where you were about 4 years ago, before I got sober for almost 4 months then went out and went out HUGE), I can totally relate to what you're going through (not the weight part, I'm one of those hated 'eat anything never gain weight' people ... but ... don't hate me for it kay?).
The good news is this:
1) You CAN recover and get off this stuff for good.
2) You are accepting of the fact that you are an addict and must stop. I can't tell you what a valuable insight that is to have in terms of your prognosis.
3) You have a great opportunity at hand to be (relatively to MOST narcotic addicts) nipping this thing in the bud. Your level of use is not THAT high. Put it like this, at my worst, I was doing the equivalent of 80 percocet (in the form of Oxycontin, i.e. pure dope, no tylenol/aspirin) to my head A DAY. My best friend, when he got shipped off to Hazelden was doing 90 vicodin a day (hate to be that guys liver I'll tell you!). BOTH of us are ... total addicts, totally spoiled (especially him), and to top it off, we're total WUSSIES when it comes to being dopesick, too. But ... we are both now sober. So what you are looking at doing ... I promise ... can be done, and it's not even going to be THAT tough on you. I promise YOU CAN DO IT. And the WAY to do it to take WHATEVER you have left in the way of pills, and GIVE THEM TO SOMEONE TO DIVVY OUT TO YOU. Otherwise, you're going to RUN OUT EARLY ... now, aren't you? The thing to do here is to make up a WEANING schedule for this person to help you follow. You want to go like: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 pills a day, start breaking them in half when you get to about 3 a day so that you can spread them out farther. You don't have to wean in only 5 days, the point is figure out what you've got left, and make them LAST as LONG as you can. You want to have taken as little as possible in the days leading up to quitting, and been continuously heading DOWN. Don't let yourself get off that track, whatever it takes to make it happen will be WELL worth it in the long run.
4) Get settled in with plenty of water and reasonably healthy but more importantly easy to make 'comfort' food (plan on SUGAR, you're gonna be craving it). Have some good DVD's handy to watch. Put on some fresh COMFY sheets, you're gonna be in bed (sweating) A LOT ... and not in the good way
. Baby Wipes are nice to have. Imodium AD is nice to have. You're basically looking at 3-4 days of feeling like not one part of your brain or body is functioning properly, not eating, not sleeping (UNISOM is your FRIEND if you ask me, others disagree, I say F*** NOT SLEEPING it'll drive you absolutely bats**t crazy after awhile when you're dopesick and AWAKE for too long), feeling pain/weakness as if you've JUST woken up from a coma 1 year after a train ran you over, along with what I like to call feeling like a 'soulless pit of eternal dopesick longing' (you'll see what I mean). Then that part will be OVER FOREVER. You know how fast 3-4 days goes by? Well, it's gonna be the SLOWEST it's EVER been, but ... still ... only 3-4 days. Then for another 3-4 days, you'll have a milder version of the same thing, but your spirits should be improving quickly. There'll be continued weakness, insomnia, lack of appetite, constant yawning, legs shaking, and crying a lot over anything remotely sentimental or just 'normal'-seeming. That part is actually pretty good, healing stuff, though. This is a good time to listen to The Very Best of The Eagles a lot, I've found. 5) Then, around day 4 or 5 is when you should start attending NA (AA if you can't find an NA that's handy, just substitute "drugs" for "alcohol" and it's pretty much identical) meetings, and you should plan on going to one each day for the next 90 days, no matter what. Do what the good people there tell you do, and what the program tells you to do, which you'll know because you'll be buying a Big Book at that first meeting and proceeding to read it cover to cover over the next few days while you're still recovering.
6) In about a week, you'll feel around 80-90% overall, and within 3-4 weeks you'll be able to say nearly 100% if you're like most people.
Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with, my fellow junkie
Carpe Diem
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: I live by the riiiver!
Posts: 149
Hi Scarlet,
I am glad you found us and I think you will find a lot of support and help on this board, everyone is very friendly. I am also glad to see that you can admit you have a problem and that you need help. I know what it feels like to not know how to be sober because you've been blitzed for so long. I am 25 and have essentially been high for 12 years. I am just learning what it is like too because it was everyday for me as well, for 12 years. I am an opiate addict as well (different opiate but they're all essentially the same) and I kicked it cold turkey with no weaning. It wasn't fun and wasn't easy but I did it. Go to meetings and find people in person or online that can help you get through. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need help. Good luck!
I am glad you found us and I think you will find a lot of support and help on this board, everyone is very friendly. I am also glad to see that you can admit you have a problem and that you need help. I know what it feels like to not know how to be sober because you've been blitzed for so long. I am 25 and have essentially been high for 12 years. I am just learning what it is like too because it was everyday for me as well, for 12 years. I am an opiate addict as well (different opiate but they're all essentially the same) and I kicked it cold turkey with no weaning. It wasn't fun and wasn't easy but I did it. Go to meetings and find people in person or online that can help you get through. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need help. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
scarlet, first off welcome to the SR family.. i read your post, and dont have too much time right now...
this is something i know about first hand...
cronic pain is real... and some have to be on pain meds forever... a good pain management doc, and i mean "GOOD"! is a great way... one has to compleatly open and honest with themselfs, and the doc...
as i see everyday of my life today, with my live in, and around the rooms... it is doable...
good wishes miss scarlet
xxoo, rz
this is something i know about first hand...
cronic pain is real... and some have to be on pain meds forever... a good pain management doc, and i mean "GOOD"! is a great way... one has to compleatly open and honest with themselfs, and the doc...
as i see everyday of my life today, with my live in, and around the rooms... it is doable...
good wishes miss scarlet
xxoo, rz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 47
Thanks so much!
Thanks to each and every one of you! Yes-absolutely I understand that I have to be ready. There just isn't any other way to do it-but through willingness. It's very scary indeed!
I just wrote my doctor this morning (he is very cool and has an email tool we can use to talk!!)-I told him I learned about Suboxone-I have been researching and I told him I really want OFF the Vicodin and would he consider helping me DT by using that medication?
I will keep you posted to see what he says.
Thanks again for lending me your time and your thoughts. Not just anyone would care-you know? I APPRECIATE YOU!!
Peace,
Scarlet
I just wrote my doctor this morning (he is very cool and has an email tool we can use to talk!!)-I told him I learned about Suboxone-I have been researching and I told him I really want OFF the Vicodin and would he consider helping me DT by using that medication?
I will keep you posted to see what he says.
Thanks again for lending me your time and your thoughts. Not just anyone would care-you know? I APPRECIATE YOU!!
Peace,
Scarlet
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Scarlett,
Welcome back to SR...I have been where you are at, and many others here have been down that miserable road of addiction to prescribed meds... Sobriety is possible just by surrendering to your addiction and becoming involved with a support group.
Keep posting, we are happy you are here...
Welcome back to SR...I have been where you are at, and many others here have been down that miserable road of addiction to prescribed meds... Sobriety is possible just by surrendering to your addiction and becoming involved with a support group.
Keep posting, we are happy you are here...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Scarlet:
I'm no doctor, and to be honest, I used Bupe (Subutex to be exact) to wean off of ... and I'm a BIG FAN of Bupe as a general rule ... BUT ... and trust me I've done a LOT I mean a LOT of research, both on the web, and upon myself and I can honestly say I wouldn't recommend Bupe for your situation UNLESS you simply cannot take one week out of your life to get back on your feet. The main reason I say that is that you aren't doing enough dope (or strong enough dope) to make going on Bupe worth it, IMHO.
What's going to happen is that if you go on bupe, even for just a one week wean, the w/d's themselves won't be as acutely bad ... BUT ... they will LAST LONGER. It's up to you to make that call, and I'll tell you right now if your doctor isn't aware of this fact, you should find someone more knowledgeable to help you for the detox part of your recovery.
I'm just going to urge you to do research of your own, there's lots of info on the web about bupe, and people here can probably advise you as well, and of course I'm NOT a doctor ... but ... I DO know a hell of a lot about opioids/opiates, w/d's, and the options available. I would highly recommend tapering (with HELP) on the Vicodin and getting off those directly.
If you CAN'T take a week off no matter what at this time, then it may be a different story. Lemme know, and I'll try to give you my best advice given your situation.
Again, getting off the level of Hydro you're talking about over the time period you're talking about is not going to be THAT bad. I've cleaned up in almost your exact situation before, timeframe of use, amount of pills, etc. It's doable without bupe, all that's gonna do is make it a little bit easier at best, and prolong the low-grade symptoms for probably 2-3 times as long.
I'm no doctor, and to be honest, I used Bupe (Subutex to be exact) to wean off of ... and I'm a BIG FAN of Bupe as a general rule ... BUT ... and trust me I've done a LOT I mean a LOT of research, both on the web, and upon myself and I can honestly say I wouldn't recommend Bupe for your situation UNLESS you simply cannot take one week out of your life to get back on your feet. The main reason I say that is that you aren't doing enough dope (or strong enough dope) to make going on Bupe worth it, IMHO.
What's going to happen is that if you go on bupe, even for just a one week wean, the w/d's themselves won't be as acutely bad ... BUT ... they will LAST LONGER. It's up to you to make that call, and I'll tell you right now if your doctor isn't aware of this fact, you should find someone more knowledgeable to help you for the detox part of your recovery.
I'm just going to urge you to do research of your own, there's lots of info on the web about bupe, and people here can probably advise you as well, and of course I'm NOT a doctor ... but ... I DO know a hell of a lot about opioids/opiates, w/d's, and the options available. I would highly recommend tapering (with HELP) on the Vicodin and getting off those directly.
If you CAN'T take a week off no matter what at this time, then it may be a different story. Lemme know, and I'll try to give you my best advice given your situation.
Again, getting off the level of Hydro you're talking about over the time period you're talking about is not going to be THAT bad. I've cleaned up in almost your exact situation before, timeframe of use, amount of pills, etc. It's doable without bupe, all that's gonna do is make it a little bit easier at best, and prolong the low-grade symptoms for probably 2-3 times as long.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Oh, and one more thing ...
If you do truly have chronic pain that you can't deal with without opioids, bupe is a MUCH better option for managing that pain (if it works well enough, which it should) than just about anything else in the category. The reason I say this is that it doesn't get you high, there's little incentive to over-do your meds so they should last you til next script time, and they basically block other (better) opioids from 'working' (no buzz to speak of). You can live a MUCH more normal life on the stuff, in other words. But ... you'll still be an addict.
So, therein lies the rub for people getting off opioids who have (apparently) chronic pain - not only WILL YOU BE IN PAIN NO MATTER WHAT when you stop opioids/opiates, even with NOTHING else wrong with you (the back especially WILL be killing you, I guarantee it), but it will also take a WHILE before your body will start making the proper endorphins to allow you to assess how bad your 'chronic' pain truly is after you quit taking the pain meds... that can make it real tough to get clean if you have true chronic pain. But as you say, MAYBE you WON'T. I would try to tough it out at least 2-3 weeks off of pain meds before you assume you have recovered anywhere NEAR your 'natural' painkilling ability...
But again, talk to your doctor
I've spent so much time talking to my doc, who ran a treatment center for years, I think I'm giving you pretty damn accurate information. But DON'T JUST TAKE IT FROM ME, okay?
If you do truly have chronic pain that you can't deal with without opioids, bupe is a MUCH better option for managing that pain (if it works well enough, which it should) than just about anything else in the category. The reason I say this is that it doesn't get you high, there's little incentive to over-do your meds so they should last you til next script time, and they basically block other (better) opioids from 'working' (no buzz to speak of). You can live a MUCH more normal life on the stuff, in other words. But ... you'll still be an addict.
So, therein lies the rub for people getting off opioids who have (apparently) chronic pain - not only WILL YOU BE IN PAIN NO MATTER WHAT when you stop opioids/opiates, even with NOTHING else wrong with you (the back especially WILL be killing you, I guarantee it), but it will also take a WHILE before your body will start making the proper endorphins to allow you to assess how bad your 'chronic' pain truly is after you quit taking the pain meds... that can make it real tough to get clean if you have true chronic pain. But as you say, MAYBE you WON'T. I would try to tough it out at least 2-3 weeks off of pain meds before you assume you have recovered anywhere NEAR your 'natural' painkilling ability...
But again, talk to your doctor
I've spent so much time talking to my doc, who ran a treatment center for years, I think I'm giving you pretty damn accurate information. But DON'T JUST TAKE IT FROM ME, okay?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 47
Hey bvaljalo! I had to come back to tell you. You DO know what you are talking about. My Doctor emailed me back and basically told me it would be best to "wean" as well. He really, really wants me to work it this way until I see the Pain doc in August. I told him thanks for the feedback and that I was just getting nervous and trying to jump the gun-etc. I love this place and I sure appreciate your feedback!
Peace,
Scarlet
Peace,
Scarlet
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