Speaking our Minds or Saying What Everyone Wants to Hear?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 39
Speaking our Minds or Saying What Everyone Wants to Hear?
Yesterday I seem to have made a few of you Angry with my response to Chiynita that yes, she was making me uncomfortable with her threats and taunts.
I was accused of being a new comer new to sobriety that didn't have the right to express my feelings.
I did not express my feelings in a disrespectful way. I did not threaten, bully or taunt. I simply stated things as I'm seeing them.
To get along on this Forum do I need to follow the lead of all other posters in a thread or can I express my honest opinion and feelings, with respect?
I've also had some NA philosphy thrown at me by another poster in an attempt to try to shame me into not posting my opinion.
I see the NA portion of the Forum and that's not the section I'm in. Do we all need to be following and living by the NA rules to be here? Or can we be an addict seeking support in recovery?
Opinions appreciated.
I was accused of being a new comer new to sobriety that didn't have the right to express my feelings.
I did not express my feelings in a disrespectful way. I did not threaten, bully or taunt. I simply stated things as I'm seeing them.
To get along on this Forum do I need to follow the lead of all other posters in a thread or can I express my honest opinion and feelings, with respect?
I've also had some NA philosphy thrown at me by another poster in an attempt to try to shame me into not posting my opinion.
I see the NA portion of the Forum and that's not the section I'm in. Do we all need to be following and living by the NA rules to be here? Or can we be an addict seeking support in recovery?
Opinions appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Myself, I try to stay away from posts that upset me, antagonize or provoke me. I've learned that it does little good to respond to them.
I've found that it's possible to speak my mind, but from a place of love.
This is a newcomers forum, so we all have the right to express ourselves, so long as we are mindful of our motives.
Principles before personalities, wherever possible.
I've found that it's possible to speak my mind, but from a place of love.
This is a newcomers forum, so we all have the right to express ourselves, so long as we are mindful of our motives.
Principles before personalities, wherever possible.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome,
No one needs to follow other posters comments and members can always discuss their own opinions. Name-calling is never a good idea and hopefully we can all get our ideas across without resorting to that.
Our rule is this:
4. Trolling: Posting of any content with the intention of disrupting the forum or inflaming members-be it on someone's person, religious beliefs, race, national background, sexual orientation, or recovery program. This includes flaming, flame baiting, registration of multiple accounts or impersonation of another member. Do not Harass, threaten, embarrass or cause distress or discomfort upon another Online Forum participant. This includes bashing on our forums or other public forums.
No one needs to follow other posters comments and members can always discuss their own opinions. Name-calling is never a good idea and hopefully we can all get our ideas across without resorting to that.
Our rule is this:
4. Trolling: Posting of any content with the intention of disrupting the forum or inflaming members-be it on someone's person, religious beliefs, race, national background, sexual orientation, or recovery program. This includes flaming, flame baiting, registration of multiple accounts or impersonation of another member. Do not Harass, threaten, embarrass or cause distress or discomfort upon another Online Forum participant. This includes bashing on our forums or other public forums.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I was thinking while driving home yesterday and came up with this rule for myself.
If I ever have to start a sentence out with "This might tick you off..." or "I know it sounds rude but....", then I shouldn't say it.
As addicts we all have so much negativity in our lives and our minds sometimes that's just what comes out. I always say what's on my mind but I'm always respectful of other's opinions even if they differ from my own. We all have our days.
If I ever have to start a sentence out with "This might tick you off..." or "I know it sounds rude but....", then I shouldn't say it.
As addicts we all have so much negativity in our lives and our minds sometimes that's just what comes out. I always say what's on my mind but I'm always respectful of other's opinions even if they differ from my own. We all have our days.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
strange..just had one of those moments.
I'm a recoverying addict, true
I'm also co-dependent
I'm also ACOA.
surely I've suffered enough pain and and chaso through a hand of an alki or addict.
Just got sick and tired of walking on eggshells.
there's another part of my recovery that say..if i allow people to abuse me..
that's my bad. My unsloved anger stems from not saying anything or not allow
to say antything..
i tell you what..i had to tell my father to go to hell. It took everything out
of me becuase i love him so much, but he's active alki and very abussive
to me. Tho he dosn't not thing so.
it triggers a lot of pain and chaso...I stay away from my father for reasons.
Yet, i have to tolerate all of that through the rooms of NA/AA or SR
to keep my soberiety.
yes damn it..I'm clean and sober..I earned it through blood, sweat, and tears.
An active alki or addict still using or relapsed telling me that i have head up my
ass. Well she can go the ^&%$$^& hell too.
I'm a recoverying addict, true
I'm also co-dependent
I'm also ACOA.
surely I've suffered enough pain and and chaso through a hand of an alki or addict.
Just got sick and tired of walking on eggshells.
there's another part of my recovery that say..if i allow people to abuse me..
that's my bad. My unsloved anger stems from not saying anything or not allow
to say antything..
i tell you what..i had to tell my father to go to hell. It took everything out
of me becuase i love him so much, but he's active alki and very abussive
to me. Tho he dosn't not thing so.
it triggers a lot of pain and chaso...I stay away from my father for reasons.
Yet, i have to tolerate all of that through the rooms of NA/AA or SR
to keep my soberiety.
yes damn it..I'm clean and sober..I earned it through blood, sweat, and tears.
An active alki or addict still using or relapsed telling me that i have head up my
ass. Well she can go the ^&%$$^& hell too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 39
Thanks all of you.
GlassPrisoner, it is Drama, you are right. sometimes I think that I used for so long when part of me so much wanted to stop because I was just as addicted to the drama as I was the drugs.
What works for you? What helps keep you clean and sober?
I'm so new to the whole thing.
Satit--thanks for sharing. Sounds like you've been thru a lot.
GlassPrisoner, it is Drama, you are right. sometimes I think that I used for so long when part of me so much wanted to stop because I was just as addicted to the drama as I was the drugs.
What works for you? What helps keep you clean and sober?
I'm so new to the whole thing.
Satit--thanks for sharing. Sounds like you've been thru a lot.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Hey FC, didn't mean to sound short. It's how I share.
I AVOID drama like the plague. I know where it takes me. Other may have that dubious luxury, but not me. I need to focus on my recovery, and help others do the same. Everything else is fluff.
How do I do it ? AA. I work the program intensively. Someone here said it's a program for obsessives, I think they're probably right
I AVOID drama like the plague. I know where it takes me. Other may have that dubious luxury, but not me. I need to focus on my recovery, and help others do the same. Everything else is fluff.
How do I do it ? AA. I work the program intensively. Someone here said it's a program for obsessives, I think they're probably right
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
hey FC
the only rule or guide I follow here is the old do unto others bit...being human I might sometimes mess up, but I always try and remember we're here to help each other in recovery
hope to see you around
D
the only rule or guide I follow here is the old do unto others bit...being human I might sometimes mess up, but I always try and remember we're here to help each other in recovery
hope to see you around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 39
Thank you all of you for the acceptance. I was feeling a little unwelcome from a PM I received.
Sobriety is what I want. One of the addiction counselors in outpatient said something one day that has stuck with me, I'm sure you guys have heard it before but it was new to me, she said:
If you want what they have then do what they do!
I want the sobriety that you guys have. I know I have to work on myself to get it and I'm learning that it's going to be an ongoing process.
FC
Sobriety is what I want. One of the addiction counselors in outpatient said something one day that has stuck with me, I'm sure you guys have heard it before but it was new to me, she said:
If you want what they have then do what they do!
I want the sobriety that you guys have. I know I have to work on myself to get it and I'm learning that it's going to be an ongoing process.
FC
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Since we've done a couple of IM's, I think you already know how I feel, FC. But, for the benefit of others...
I try not to be a "people pleaser" (I did that enough while drinking...guilt, I think)...so, I speak my mind, but try to do it without rubbing anyone the wrong way...I'm not always successful.
Some folks are "selective listeners", and hear what they want to hear, no matter what anyone says. It's also difficult to write what we feel when the person reading can't see the look on our face or detect the inflection in our voice...so, we have to learn to tread lightly, lest we offend without meaning to.
Since the NA philosophy is based on the AA philosophy, the only differences between us is the drug(s) of choice...mine happened to be alcohol. Although I can identify more readily with other alcoholics, if I needed to get to a meeting, and the only one available was NA you can rest assured I would walk into that NA room, sit back, relax and listen. As a matter of fact, I've done it, and always walked away feeling good about being in recovery.
BTW...my son is a recovering heroin addict, and he mixes AA meetings with NA meetings. We can all learn from each other.
I try not to be a "people pleaser" (I did that enough while drinking...guilt, I think)...so, I speak my mind, but try to do it without rubbing anyone the wrong way...I'm not always successful.
Some folks are "selective listeners", and hear what they want to hear, no matter what anyone says. It's also difficult to write what we feel when the person reading can't see the look on our face or detect the inflection in our voice...so, we have to learn to tread lightly, lest we offend without meaning to.
Since the NA philosophy is based on the AA philosophy, the only differences between us is the drug(s) of choice...mine happened to be alcohol. Although I can identify more readily with other alcoholics, if I needed to get to a meeting, and the only one available was NA you can rest assured I would walk into that NA room, sit back, relax and listen. As a matter of fact, I've done it, and always walked away feeling good about being in recovery.
BTW...my son is a recovering heroin addict, and he mixes AA meetings with NA meetings. We can all learn from each other.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: A big city in, CA
Posts: 82
"I see the NA portion of the Forum and that's not the section I'm in. Do we all need to be following and living by the NA rules to be here? Or can we be an addict seeking support in recovery?"
I think regardless of what we're all recovering from, we are all here FOR recovery and support, no matter what board it is. I find that to personally call someone out on a post is a waste of my time & energy. Their inventory has nothing to do with me & mine. If a post bugs me (and many do) and I call them out, how is that really helping my own sobriety? Posting respectfully, and in the spirit of help can definitely be done even the views differ. I'm with everyone else here on the avoiding drama thing. If I read a post that I feel I can't respond respectfully to, I just pass it up. Life is way too short & my recovery is way too important.
I think regardless of what we're all recovering from, we are all here FOR recovery and support, no matter what board it is. I find that to personally call someone out on a post is a waste of my time & energy. Their inventory has nothing to do with me & mine. If a post bugs me (and many do) and I call them out, how is that really helping my own sobriety? Posting respectfully, and in the spirit of help can definitely be done even the views differ. I'm with everyone else here on the avoiding drama thing. If I read a post that I feel I can't respond respectfully to, I just pass it up. Life is way too short & my recovery is way too important.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
I try to be supportive and honest without crossing the line but of course I do sometimes.
You as teh newcomer are the most important person here , well actually there are a few of you and so long as we keep to the forum rules you are given a lot of leeway and support.
Don't let anything stop you from posting or use it as an excuse not to post.
Kevin
You as teh newcomer are the most important person here , well actually there are a few of you and so long as we keep to the forum rules you are given a lot of leeway and support.
Don't let anything stop you from posting or use it as an excuse not to post.
Kevin
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by FindingClarity 
I've also had some NA philosphy thrown at me by another poster in an attempt to try to shame me into not posting my opinion.
Opinions appreciated.
Philosphy is philosphy. What works is what works. NA, AA... or any support/selfhelp program will use sound philosphy because it works.
When people start throwing stuff... we may want to look at what is being thrown and duck so it flies by or hold up our apple basket and collect some good nourishment.
I have found that the wisdom used in the 12 steps work in all areas of life. Because it may have a NA name tag beside it... we still may find it worth reading even if we are not NA.
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