Aysha

I feel I have been quite hostile in my posts lately.
Could my xanax be the cause of accelerating these emotions?
I am taking them as prescribed. But back in the day when we took them for fun..I would turn quite violent at the littlest thing.
Not only that but for someone who has never done opiates. I have had cravings to do them. Am I losing my freakin mind here?
I dont like who I am lately. I am taking my anger out on certain people here and that just isnt me.
I am way too sensitive and quick to get angry.
I can admit it. And I am not gonna sit here and act like its all in my head.
I havent jumped on the crazy train yet.
So if I have offended anyone...Or made you feel uncomfortable..I am very sorry.
And a special apology to Satit. I may not like your approach but hey...Maybe thats just your way of getting through to someone. So for that I am sorry.
I have alot on my mind as does alot of you. But my world is crashing all around me and it is noones fault but my own.
I by no means want to alienate anyone here.
I love you guys like family. And you all have been my back bone since the first day I found this board.
But I see a big change in myself this past month. I have done a big backslide and I dont like it.
I guess what I am getting at is. I am sorry for being a jerk. And hope you all can forgive me.

Alive

hey..chiy, i was just saying on another thread..there are other effects by some meds..it depends on people..make sure if you feel wrong to talk to your doctor..people in my close family had to change some meds because of side effects..some have emotional effects..there is some controversy on that..so do value your response...every case is different, because your body might have different reactions to a diferent med....

lov ya..

p.s: L.O.V.E you chiy...never give up on your dreams..it may all seem hopeless...but the truth is that hope will always be there...

parentrecovers

did you get to a meeting, chiy? hugs, k

FindingClarity

Since you brought it up....

I used to post here awhile back ago under another username and stopped because someone close to me was reading and finding things out about me.

I considered coming back and didn't want to because of you Chiy. It seems like this forum is exclusive to you and your issues.
I'm glad you realize you've made people uncomfortable.

Wishing you luck in your quest for sobriety.

Astro

I'm not going to preach (well, not too much) chiy, but this was my first thought when I read the title of your post. Yes, meds can obviously contribute to emotions, anger included. But in order for me to be calm, at peace, and serene, I need to be attending meetings on a daily basis and actively working a program of recover.

I took anti-depressants and SSRI's in my first year of sobriety, but I didn't find serenity and God in a pill, I found the answer in the rooms of AA.

parentrecovers

well, fc - it's good that you are back and able to share your feelings. but it's important to be patient with others? we're all in this together..just my opinion. so thanks for listening.

blessings, and i hope you can keep posting about yourself. k

Missymae737

Chiy,

Please do not think I am telling you what to day...This is a suggestion only..

ZANAX is a mind altering substance...Sooner or later you could abuse them too...Maybe you need detox?

About the anger, when I was on Zanax, I just walked into walls, slurred my speech, and slept most of the day...They prevented me from FEELING.

Again, get to a meeting!!! Think about getting off zanax, but you will need help..Seek medical attention.

Thinking of you and love and peace,
Marian

bval

Sorry 2 thread-nap here, but hey ASTRO - I just got back from Phoenix myself (2 weeks visiting my g/f) and I spend some quality time over in Mesa - Alano Club on W 1st and "Recovery and Beyond" (NA) just a couple blocks from there. I met some nice folks down there, heard a lot of wisdom, etc.

Ever been to any meetings in Mesa?

bval

Chiy, according to you you've been off your drug of choice for almost a week now. It could be the xanax (based on your story, that might make some sense, although it's atypical of the effects of that drug for most people), or it could be the fact that you're in the middle of DETOX. HELLLOOOO? It takes A LOT MORE than a week to get 'right' almost no matter what you're detoxing from.

Here ... try this ...
STOP THINKING.
CHECK IN.
TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
CONTINUE NOT THINKING EXCEPT to
DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO.

How many times I gotta spell this out for you?

Aysha

Please clarify...How is this forum exclusive to me?
Maybe because I am the only one crazy enough to post any and everythin thats on my mind?
I have alot of issues and I am not afraid to lay it out.
Now if you feel like I am receiveing all the attention. I think you are very wrong.
And if I made you uncomfortable//I am sorry. But until recently I have been the most welcoming supportive person I could be. Just up until this past month. So I am sorry but please tell me why you would say that.

Astro

Sorry to hijack too chiy. Next time you're in town try a meeting here, it's like home for me http://www.northscottsdalefellowshipclub.com/ I'm glad to hear your meetings were a good experience, if I'm ever in Mesa I'll check out the Alano there.

Chiy, you just keep laying out your issues anywhere. It's all good, OK?

Aysha

How bout this...Understand what I post as far as when I am checking in. Why I have not gone to A meeting ..I ALWAYS speak my mind and it is always the truth.
And I guess alot of you dont know how to take me. I am always going to speak my mind regardless. I come here for help and advice just like any of you. I am at a low point in my life right now and My state of mind is not equipped at the moment to deal with what feels like to me as low shots to me reaching out in desperation until the day I can check in. This board HAS changed as well. And sorta see why alot of old time posters have left. We have lost alot of great contributers to this board for various reasons.
So maybe it would be best if I just stayed away from SR since I am such an attention hound and i guess i just am not getting it.

And might I add that most of it comes from newcomers that have no idea of my history. I havent been here that long but I have poured my heart out here when I have had nowhere else to turn. I find it sad I am feeling shunned here as well.
And I swera my hand to God ..and ban me if you must..because I dont give a rats ass anymore. If any of you that like talking down to me were to ever say some of this crap to my face. It would surely be last thing you ever said.

Alive

i'm sorry i just have to say i don't agree with the above said about you chiy...i don't get this..don't people realize that some people are more needy than others...there's no competition..just love to pass around...if a friend of mine calls on me everyday at night i am not gonna hang up the phone!!!!!!!!!

chiy you are loved.....if people don't like your posts,there's a return button, then why hating....this is about recovery...why not to keep positive....this is not about formal discussion..some people save their lives through recovery..if we are all here, is because we all need support...and if you ask me post 100 threads a day, and if i'm home and i can help, i'll answer to every one of them...i hold no judgment here, i would expect the same from everybody that is in recovery....lately there have been some wars that my soul doesn't understand...stay positive chiy..there's nothing wrong with you my friend......

parentrecovers

support going out! k

BaldHeadedJohn

Stay with us, Chiy! Some of what you've posted, and others reply to, gives me some good food for thought at times.

BHJ

Missymae737

Chiy,

Take what you need and leave the rest!!!

I don't always like what is being said at meetings. everyday life, friends, family...I have learned to hold on to the positive things being said and I try to hang with people who are a power of example...

Not everyone likes what I say here, nor do I like everything that is said here.

BUT the focus here is recovery and those that are that are really serious about their addiction, know that one of the keys to sobriety is reaching out to others. Surely you must feel that here...I see many people reaching out to you...

You are loved, keep posting...

Jersey Nonny

Hmmmmn...seems someone has forgotten to put principles before personalities. Also, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." (That may not be the exact quote, but close enough.)

I'll be darned if I would stay away from any meeting or forum because I didn't see eye to eye with a certain few. Also, it doesn't say anywhere in the SR posting rules that we are limited to the number of times we can introduce a new topic. BTW..every thread clearly states the originator...if anyone feels turned off by someone, all they have to do is not open the thread.

Sorry to digress, Chiy. Getting back to your issue with Xanax, my Mom is 95, and has Alzheimer's. She had recently become very aggitated and combative...to the point the psych doctor prescribed Xanax. My Sister has it on hand constantly, because it definitely has helped to calm her down. For it to have the opposite effect seems unlikely, although anything may be possible...in any event, check back with your doctor, since none of us here are medical professionals.

PaperDolls

chi, I hope you're still around. I haven't noticed you're anger and you haven't alienated or been a jerk to me.

You've gotten a lot of replies here, some good, some bad. Take what you want and leave the rest. I'm not real familiar with your history but someone mentioned you've been sober for just one week and probably still detoxing. That will make you a bear for sure. The meds can do it too. I've gone through it myself and I understand how you're feeling.

You're problems are important. Just as important as everyone here. This isn't some sort of popularity contest. Each of us are here for support as we travel through life. We've got diverse pasts and experiences and can learn from each other. Say what you want, what's on your mind, get it out......just keep posting and know that we care.

GlassPrisoner

Gotta echo some of the sentiment here Chi. Namely, have you gotten to a meeting ?

I'm pretty sure you're NOT going to beat an opiate addiction by taking benzos.

PaperDolls

yeah, when was the last time you saw your doc?