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Have I dug myself too deep?

Old 07-16-2007, 12:20 PM
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Have I dug myself too deep?

You know..I am not quite sure what the boundaries are of what you should or shouldnt talk about here.
Me personally. I will let it all out here.
Basically because I feel that comfortable and second because how else am I going to get the support or advice I am looking for.
I feel I put too much of my personal business on here. But then again..I dont. This is all part of me and my problems I am seeking help for.

So now with that said.
I really am having high levels of anxiety today over that rental car.
I know he is going to want to renew it Friday and I really dont want to do it. Of course because with that comes a big chunk to get high on. It's not I dont trust him as a person because that isnt the case. He is a good dude and so is his partner. But they are doing illeagal things and if he gets caught it is going to be my ass. I am the only one suppose to be driving that car per agreement with the rental place.
He calls me today to make sure we are gonna get up Friday and also tells me his partner got locked up and may want me to bail him out in my name. Now thats pushing it. Dude is good people and all. Ad I hate to see anyone in jail. But what if he doesnt go to court? I am not paying the bail but my name and me will be held accountable if he jumps.
What have I got myself into?? How am I going to get out of it?
I am not asking for unethical answers or to solve my problem for me.
I just need a few thoughts on how to deal with this and get it over with. Because regardless when Fri comes and I HAVE to do something with that car. I already know what is going to happen when he throws another buscuit in my lap. I wont be able to say no. They are tricky tricky.
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:26 PM
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Get with the program, work it, and everything will work itself out. Most likely not how you want it to, or when, but things will resolve themselves for the better.

You're heading toward a cliff Chi, don't go over the edge.
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:30 PM
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Yea it sure seems that way. I am spiraling out of control and fast. I really screwed up.
And now I have to deal with all of this. Its like playing clean up and theres a hole in my garbage bag. Ya know?
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:33 PM
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i tell my daughter when she gets overwhelmed with consequences/decisions - "quit digging and put one foot in front of the other". i learned that here at SR

hugs, k
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:35 PM
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as your friend i would love to see you put yourself first.....i know you give yourself too much to people, you're a good friend...but by going to meetings and talking your heart will tell you what to do...

take care

p.s. i read today in the bible: "stop worrying, you will be ok..."
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:37 PM
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Chiynita

I don't think I know all the background here but I think you know what you should do.

But they are doing illegal things
Why would you put your butt on the line?

It is hard to say no sometimes. I understand. You say you don't like to see people in jail. Well, usually when someone goes to jail it's as a result of their own poor judgment. You shouldn't feel like you have to take responsibility for it.

You have to learn to put yourself first and say no sometimes.

Keep us posted!
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:38 PM
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If I where you. I wouldn't worry about anyone but yourself right now. You are more important right now than anything else. Go to your meeting tonight and take care of yourself.

Barb
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Old 07-16-2007, 01:04 PM
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I'm with the anvil!
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Old 07-16-2007, 01:04 PM
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Work on your recovery Trish.

You know what is the right thing to do.
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Old 07-16-2007, 01:07 PM
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I haven't been here, don't know the ins and outs of this Trish, but it sounds dangerous. Really dangerous, in a whole lot of ways.

Why the hell put yourself here in the first place ?

D
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Old 07-16-2007, 02:43 PM
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If you're serious about wanting to clean up your act, you have to quit associating with drug dealers. Plain and simple. If you don't break this cycle of renewing the rental car and hanging around with "dude", you're never gonna get this right. You'll just be posting the same thing week after week. It sucks. But that's the way it is. Here's to hoping you take that first step on friday. Good luck, Chi...
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Old 07-16-2007, 03:07 PM
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Hey Chi,

I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION...

almost exactly. They must teach that rental stuff at crackdealer university?

Ok, heres the thing, they call it the game, you've heard that , right?

After 3 or 4 months of the car deal, when they had their hooks in me really good, things got worse. Much worse. Soon you'll be doing other favors, like cooking and packaging, holding money, giving packages to a few of their friends.

They'll try to set you up for a fall, to get out of jail, and beat their case. Maybe ask you drive accross town and pick up a large package, and bam, you get 2-5 years as their supplier... maybe some of their "friends" coming by are the cops... thay give you up to beat their case.

You got to wake up to the reality of this. Addiction leads to jails, institutions and death.

Or recovery.

I was in pretty deep. I had to get out of the place, in a way that they could get all their stuff out -

i checked myself into rehab, let my family know what was going on, and that i needed help. They helped me find a new place after 2 weeks rehab. They helped me break in to my own car and steal it back.

Look, i know it doesnt sound pretty, but thats what i did.

I was at a bottom, that had trap doors. I was holding a shovel, digging my own grave.

Rehab, and AA/NA saved my life. My family, God and others who had been there guided me.

I never did see those guys again,

i relapsed 2 times for short periods.

On friday, im celebrating 3 years clean with my homegroup.
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Old 07-16-2007, 04:19 PM
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I am not going to go overboard here without seeing what he says t me telling him I cant renew. I am going to tell him I am going out of town for the next few weeks for the new job. He knows I went to the interview. But doesnt know I didnt get it yet. So he is just going to have to turn it in until I come back. So he will think. And I just wont do it againn.Last thinkg I want to do is involve the police. That will put me under suspision as well and I have enough problems with the law right now.I am not going to tell him until we meet and thats it. Then I will be done with it. He has my number but I have caller Id. If his partner got locked up. it is only a matter of time before he will. The one locked up is the big dog in their little operation. So I am sure they are watching him too. I do not want to be involved in any of that **** when it goes down. I could catch some serious felony charges.
I got it all figured out. I just hope I can go through with it without him throwing a chunk at me. If he keeps the dope to himself I will be able to do it.
But I am not going to stress that until Fri. I have court Thurs. That is first on my plate.
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Old 07-16-2007, 05:55 PM
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I used to play with my sanity and the welfare of those around me in this way. It caused me much grief and I lost loved ones spent time inside and woke up in hospitals on countless occasions.

Recovery by working a program is the only way I have found. These days I do lots of things wrong but I don't muck around with my head my life and others lives anymore.

I hope you get a program and other help if you need it.

Do whatever it takes to stay clean. Put as much effort into recovery as you did into using and all the head miles.

I wish you well.

Kevin
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Old 07-16-2007, 06:44 PM
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The people who want to have that car seem like total jerks, not good people at ALL. Dont call them or answer their calls, take care of you.
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:36 PM
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Um...

Why aren't you at your first ever NA meeting tonight, missy?

Quit f***ing around, this is your LIFE, girl. Try to get the car back, if the dude gives you any hassle, call the police and report it stolen, tell them you were in a bar and left the keys on the counter and went to the lil girls room, when you came back, the keys and car were gone. It's that simple, really. PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR RECOVERY FIRST. The only reason you are REALLY helping these people out is cause you don't wanna screw over your connection, and because deep down you still want to use. F**K 'the man', you need him outta your life completely ANYWAYS if you wanna get well, so stop doing him favors. You're just gonna end up using what he gives you and you damn well know it. STOP IT and get to some friggin meetings prior to your purported 'checking in', too, it'll do you some good I promise.
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:45 PM
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Seriously, listen to yourself...

"If he keeps the dope to himself I will be able to do it."

A sensible person who's serious about recovery would MAKE SURE that they are NOT THERE for such a temptation. You'd send a friend to meet him if you had to, but first you'd just insist he drops the car off himself (rental places DON'T pay attention to who drops off a car, btw, so that excuse is gonna be BULLS**T, I'm warning you in advance My Fellow Drug Addict - and I use that term with affection )

See how that works. The fact that you CARE about what 'the man' thinks going forward, and the fact that you are all set to do something totally DUMB like risk meeting him when you know he could toss dope your way constitute SERIOUSLY flawed reasoning for someone who is remotely concerned with getting clean.

This is why I tell people that they cannot get themselves sober once they are addicts. The addictive mind is too powerful, and you must learn COMPLETELY new ways of thinking and acting and they take a lot of work and a VERY high level of motivation to accomplish. Doesn't sound like you're there yet based on the choices you're pondering and the fact that you don't see to be on your way to the earlier-promised NA meeting...
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Old 07-16-2007, 09:01 PM
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I got it all figured out.

There's a saying in AA/NA. "My minds a dangerous neighbourhood, it's not safe to go in alone."


The advice given by the others here is solid.
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Old 07-16-2007, 10:55 PM
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The ANSWER can be FOUND in your HEART........

NOT your MIND!!!
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Old 07-17-2007, 12:17 AM
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I am checkin in next fri or sat. So i think I may have my uncle or a family member go with me when I do this. No I know I will. End of that. No drugs and I amd finished with all that crap.

Why aren't you at your first ever NA meeting tonight, missy?
Read my Na meeting thread. There was no meeting at the address I was given. The list is probably an old one.
I think I did break my toe guys..It is all purple now. and it hurts like hell. I just had the best nights sleep I hav had in awhile. I feel so much better. But I am definately having my dad or uncle go with me when I do this fri. I dont care. I have to end this **** now!
Thaks for all your input. I love you guys!!!
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