FallGirl

I don't know where to start. I'm crying right now because I'm really upset, and part of me just wants to die because I don't ever want to feel this way again. WHY ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM?!?!?
The longest I've been without drinking is 3 months. I have gone without for the past 7 days, but today I was weak, and I bought a six pack.... I just woke up about 1 hour ago, and now I feel worse than I have felt in a long time.
My boyfriend will be home in a bit, he's been gone all day on a motorcycle trip and he's gonna be really upset with me. I don't know what to do anymore

Midas

*hugs* Don't cry. Relapse happens. It doesn't have to, but it does. Just jump back on the wagon.

barb dwyer

Fall -

here's another way to think of it.
You tried on your own to stop.
It didn't work.
maybe now it's time to think seriously about getting into a program of recovery.
you're not the only one who can't do it alone.

i'm one.
There's hundreds/thousands who can't do it by themselves.

Quite a few
read and post on this website every night. day.

just another perspective.

Rowan

Hey Fall Girl,

Thanks for your honesty - I'm glad you posted.

I couldn't do it on my own either - relapsed a couple of times. Keep at it, you can do it. Stick around - we need you here.

FallGirl

Barb-
You're right I've tried it on my own so many times and failed, the longest I've gone without is 3 months - and I felt so good! But I thought I could drink casually.... and well, we all know the end to that story!
I just feel I have no one in my life I can talk with, my boyfriend can't understand why I can't "just not drink". Coming here was helpful before, hopefully it can work again.
I just want to add that last time I was on here I was a total jerk and posted while I was drunk, and I just want to apologize to anyone I may have offended. This place is truly the only place I can come to where people know what I'm going through.

CarolD

Good to see you here again

Did you try AA or SMART or ??? before?

SR is a grand addition to my recovery
AA meetings are vital for me.

Blessings to you and your SO

Luckyv2

Hey my friend! I am so glad to see ya! Things will get different and if you ever need me you know how to get me!

Grateful Heart

Hi FallGirl, sending prayers your way. GH

FallGirl

I've tried AA 3 times and it just doesn't seem to do it for me, part of that though is because I don't want it to. I start to feel ok, and think I don't need it anymore. Last time I went I met great people, and cried like a baby the whole time... but they were all really nice.
What is SMART? Anyone have any info on that? it would be appreciated

FallGirl

CarolD

Here is a link with recovery programs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Find one that works for you
and stick with it.

Aysha

If anyone knows how you feel. I do. Seems like I can go almost 2 mos then ...Bam...out of nowhere there I go again. And the reprecussions get worse and worse every time. I am so tired of trying to make heads or tails of it. I just kno I cant do it on my own anymore. So I am thinking hard on ways to get it somewhat right with some kind of help.
I hope you find what helps you.

FallGirl

That seems to be exactly how it is! I do really good for a while and not drink, and it feels so good! Than I think I can "handle it" and have some control over it (when in reality I know thats impossible for me) and just ends up being worse than the last time. I drink more than before, and feel more depressed than ever before. I just feel like a failure right now. I wish it was tomorrow so at least I could say it was Day 1.

The sucky part is I don't have to feel like this. the last time I went to an AA meeting (about a year ago) I remember I was sitting there crying, and one man said to me "the good thing is, you don't ever have to feel this way again" that has stuck with me since. I don't have to feel this way - why do I sabotage myself?!

Nuudawn

I have been fortunate this time. Not drinking does not feel like a "deprivation" to me any longer ... it feels like freedom. It has not always been that way. Alcoholics are incredibly resilient... never give up kinda sorts. We can go down..round after round...and still come up swinging for yet another arsekickin'. Booze will take us down time and time again. Raise the white flag ...admit defeat and regain power over yourself.

I know it isn't that easy.... it takes some work and endurance... but sobriety is the only answer.... the only route to fill the void within.

barb dwyer

hi hon - I can't answer that for you, but I can tell you the same thing. You don't ever have to do this again.

FallGirl

thank you barb...I just hate myself right now. I just need to realize I can't do this alone, I need to be able to talk with people that know what I'm feeling and going through. I'll be coming to this sight alot more

GlassPrisoner

You know, there's people in the rooms of AA that know exactly what you're going through too. They've been there, done that so to speak.

1_day@_a_time

"I don't know what to do anymore"

IMHO.......you MUST admit complete defeat.

If you could have quit on your own, you would have done so already!

"my boyfriend can't understand why I can't "just not drink".....

Bet ur b/f is not an alkie either, true?

Alcoholism is a MIND POWERED DISEASE.

It's our THINKING!

You take away alcohol & now we have nothing to numb the pain.

We are the same people w/o alcohol, sober & hurting.

ANY of this make sense????

Tom

indigo

You can do it, sobriety rally does rock, don't give up on yourself or beat yourself up.
Just continue to abstain.
hugs

Missymae737

Thinking of you...Keep posting,go to a support group, You can do this. In the beginning it is hard but not hopeless...

Iforgot

I am right there with you Fallgirl. ((((HUGS))))