Dee74

I'm glad you didn't drink either
there's no reason good enough is there ?

have a good time at the zoo !!!
D

scaredykat

Hi everyone, I'm not doing good at all. I've been miserable all weekend. I don't know if its because its a holiday or what. The last time i got to 3 weeks i drank. i feel like that again. I really just want to say F*** it all and go back to my old way of living.

It seems like the longer i don't drink the harder it gets. i don't know why. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. Last night i tried reading my big book and had to put it down. That made me want to drink reading about it. I don't know what's the matter with me. I really hate myself today and how i feel.

For anyone interested I'm putting my zoo pictures on the cafe central. I got a lot of nice pictures.

Barb

Rowan

22 days - wow!

Barb, HANG IN THERE. Believe it or not, once you get through this difficult time, it will get easier, and you will be so thankful that you didn't give in to the booze.
I have been spending quite a bit of time recently hating myself and my feelings - I think it's normal to feel this way when we are in recovery. It's not always this way, though. Read through this thread and see how many good days you had!
I saw your pics from the zoo those were great - especially the tigers. Thanks for posting those.

Rowan

scaredykat

I know its normal I guess. It just sucks and i feel like I'm losing my mind. Ever since my sponsor spoke on Fri I've felt this way. She's still struggling with things at 29 years and is talking about going back to counseling.

So that scared me and i keep thing why bother if your still having problems years from now.

Barb

Rowan

I also know a girl who wanted to kill herself at 14 years. Just celebrated 20. She made it. It's normal to struggle at times, Barb. People get sick, lose loved ones, suffer tragedy, it doesn't matter whether they are sober or active. Life still goes on.
I know that my life is a lot better sober than it is as a drunk. I'm working through early trauma right now with a doctor and it's excruciatingly painful. But, the gift is that I can go through this sober. Or, I could drink and pretend none of it ever happened - and continue being miserable.
Many people go on to realize true gifts in sobriety - I know people who have remarried someone they divorced, have been reconciled with their children, accepted back by their families.. and the list goes on.
I know it's hard work and you're suffering, but keep moving forward anyway, okay? You're not alone.

scaredykat

I know people that had a lot of good things happen after they got sober too. When my mind is so depressed and negative its hard to think about the good.

We had the topic gratitude on Sat. I hated it. I definitely haven't had any all weekend. The zoo made me happy for a little. After i got home I was in my depressed, weird mood. Oh, I forgot my hormones are probably not helping much either. It sucks being a woman and trying to get sober. We have a double whammy.

Barb

gypsytears

Barb can you talk to your husband when you're feeling like this? It is OK to feel down you know, and as Rowan & yourself said it's normal. You can get through it, and you will get through it. Find something to occupy yourself for a bit... your puzzles maybe? I think you'll feel better after going to your meeting.

Dee74

Rowan's right Barb - there's no magic wand to permanent bliss...

life doesn't get easier just cos we're sober...but we're way more equpped to deal with it that way.

Don't give in...please.

D

stone

I have felt like that a lot latley Barb, weird is the only word I can think of to describe it.

It s a rollercoaster isnt it?

If you find yourself 'planning' to drink-tell someone immediately wheter they are AA people or your hubby or anyone supportive. It works, I call it 'grassing myself up' (like informing on myself).
It worked for me last night, I was very close to drinking.
((((((((((Barb))))))))))

gypsytears

Hi Barb . Hope your meeting went well... how are you feeling today?

parentrecovers

hugs to scaredy!

scaredykat

Still miserable. I just want to give up and not talk on here no more or go to AA anymore.

Barb

Dee74

that's your alkie voice talking Barb. It wants you to go back to the old life. It doesn't care how unhappy you were there, it just wants its booze and pot, and to hell with you.

you can beat it...fight it sweetie. minute by minute if you have to.
have you called your sponsor ?

you can do it Barb. I believe in you
love ya ~
D

parentrecovers

hang in there, barb. you can beat this thing..

stone

Aww Barb, I know how you feel hun.

For now, just dont drink no matter what. Promise yourself you can drink tomorrow if you get through today and tomorrow try and make that promise again.

I am struggling myself lately Barb, I know how horrible it is, we all do. We are all in this together Barb.

Rowan

Hi Barb,

How are you feeling today? Thinking of you.

Dee74

check in Barb - miss ya

D

gypsytears

Something's going around... all this not feeling good Barb. Come back and let's not feel good together. Don't drink or smoke that pot hon .

Rowan

I hope you're just lurking as I've been, Barb. Please check in.

scaredykat

I'm not doing well, but I'm not going to leave this forum. This is my cyber home now and i care about to many people on here to just leave.

Barb