Time spent getting wasted... time spent away from friends
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Time spent getting wasted... time spent away from friends
Its been almost 2 years since i spoke to one of my close friends. I was 2 screwed up for me to be allowed over there and I was basically homeless and had no # to be called at. we got completely out of touch.
Allthough I have been much better for awhile and could have called her I have been putting it off because the last time we spoke i was holding $ for her and ended up smoking it up and I have been feeling too ashamed and guilty to make that first call.
At the time didnt get mad and told me to consider it an early x-mas present, but I know she just did that cause she finally realized how far along into addiction I was by then and was trying to be kind by giving me one less thing to worry about.
Little did she know she was just being an enabler.
Anyway I finally got up the nerve to call her today and I found out she is moving out of state in 4 days.
I have been crying since I found out cause all I can think about is how much time I wasted getting high in thr street among peopke i barely knew when I could have been spending quality time with the people I love and that love me.
i am really depressed about this.
Allthough I have been much better for awhile and could have called her I have been putting it off because the last time we spoke i was holding $ for her and ended up smoking it up and I have been feeling too ashamed and guilty to make that first call.
At the time didnt get mad and told me to consider it an early x-mas present, but I know she just did that cause she finally realized how far along into addiction I was by then and was trying to be kind by giving me one less thing to worry about.
Little did she know she was just being an enabler.
Anyway I finally got up the nerve to call her today and I found out she is moving out of state in 4 days.
I have been crying since I found out cause all I can think about is how much time I wasted getting high in thr street among peopke i barely knew when I could have been spending quality time with the people I love and that love me.
i am really depressed about this.
Carpe Diem
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: I live by the riiiver!
Posts: 149
I am so sorry you are going through this. Regret is one of the worst human emotions, in my opinion, and there is very little you can do about the past now. She's leaving soon but you can still spend a little time with her. Maybe you will be able to communicate through other mediums when she is gone.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Your admittance and honesty about the situation is courageous. The Promises tell us
"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". My interpretation of that is to learn from my actions in order to live a more peaceful future.
You've got a beautiful life ahead of you in recovery, you can't change the past. Think about the quality time that you could have today, and do your best to let go of your regrets.
"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". My interpretation of that is to learn from my actions in order to live a more peaceful future.
You've got a beautiful life ahead of you in recovery, you can't change the past. Think about the quality time that you could have today, and do your best to let go of your regrets.
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Location: wherever my feet take me
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I offered to help her if she needed help moving anything, but she told me she had people coming to do the packing cause her hubby has a broken ankle.
i know we will stay in touch via e-mail and the phone, but it doesnt take back the wasted time. and she isnt the only one their are many friendships I just threw away. I am just feeling very depressed, and I am alone. I dont know why depression = drinking for me, but here I sit with a glass at my side to be topped off with some pills
i know we will stay in touch via e-mail and the phone, but it doesnt take back the wasted time. and she isnt the only one their are many friendships I just threw away. I am just feeling very depressed, and I am alone. I dont know why depression = drinking for me, but here I sit with a glass at my side to be topped off with some pills
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
I'm sorry Beth.
There is definitely a period of mourning when we really wake up and realize what we have lost to our addiction. In my case, it was three years and I don't think I accomplished much during those years. But, there is no point in dwelling on that. Accept your feelings for what they are and then try to let go. Move on. That's all you can do.
There is definitely a period of mourning when we really wake up and realize what we have lost to our addiction. In my case, it was three years and I don't think I accomplished much during those years. But, there is no point in dwelling on that. Accept your feelings for what they are and then try to let go. Move on. That's all you can do.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Beth, any amount of time spent with someone is a gift, it's part of your journey on the road to recovery. I've found that my higher power puts people in my life for a reason, sometimes only for a season. And I've also found that even in sobriety some friendships and relationships don't last forever, but the memories and the lessons will always remain. Be grateful for the time you have with every person that enters your life.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
This is one of my favorite meditations, I read it often in spite of how much it hurts sometimes to come to terms with changes in friendships & relationships-
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Beth..I dont have a whole lot I can add at the moment.
I went through the same thing with a couple of my friends I grew up with. Some stayed. Some I never heard from again. Some are just there. I feel and know it will never be the same as it use to be. I have to accept that.
It hurt me and still does.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
I went through the same thing with a couple of my friends I grew up with. Some stayed. Some I never heard from again. Some are just there. I feel and know it will never be the same as it use to be. I have to accept that.
It hurt me and still does.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
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