...Trying to not relapse...
 

Hey everyone! I wanted to thank you for the replies to my post when I returned to the board about a week ago. I really appreciated that! I missed everyone very much. I had a lot going on at home and I needed to be away from the internet for awhile.

Anyway, I'm posting now because I don't have anywhere else to turn. Even in all this time, I never ended up going to AA meetings. I went to visit my extended family for a week in a different state. I know I could have gone to meetings either before or after, but each time I chickened out. I am in counseling, though.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I'm 21, don't have an official job aside from baby-sitting and am going to have to return to my crappy housekeeping hotel job. I am eventually going to take classes at another college to finish my degree, but it's going to take at least a year to finish and again, I don't know when I'm going to start. A lot of my other friends have graduated and have gotten well paying jobs, especially those in the nursing fields while I feel pathetic and stuck at home.
I don't know...I just feel so overwhelmed about my future right now and I feel like I will not be able to move forward.

Quite honestly, I just want to move to an anonymous place away from here so that I never have to hear, see, or talk to a lot of the people that I've encountered in the state that I live in...I'm not saying that to run away from my problems. I have had so many people near me screw me over, most involved in the party scene. In my state, mose people are associated with each other. Wherever I go, someone knows me from somewhere and for ****'s sake, I'm sick of that. I honestly hate it. That's partly why I am not going back to my old school. I know this is a bit of a rant, but as I said I'm trying not to relapse. I honestly wish I could just assume a new identity and go to another state. It's not that I care what people think because I'm past that. I just don't want to be around these people. And I don't want to relapse.

"and if you flee make sure you run
towards something and not away from
'cause nothing happens here that doesn't happen there"
-the avett bros.

i'm 22, and most of my friends are the same way. when i get to feeling REALLY down, i just say the short version of the serenity prayer-f*ck it. :)

i love you. be safe, and gentle with yourself.

Change of geograpy is the easy change. I was wondering what happened to you and I am glad that you're free and safe. Get out of your mind because your addicted brain is manipulating you. The addicted mind leaves you unable to reason with yourself. Can you be a person of action and enroll in the classes you need and get to the mtgs.? Put one foot in front of the other to do the things that will make your future how you really want it to be? Just some questions to ask yourself and maybe motivation to get up and get going.

hey! glad for your sober time..keep staying strong....

no matter what you decide, do it for yourself.....so you don't regret not doing exactly what you wanted....to be happy in a job is a crucial thing...!

take care

xX, what i have found for me...

wanting to go, run move... the one problem, i go along...

a new idenity, what worked, and is stil working... a thing called "change'

i have learned in recovery from many, that its fix'n the innards that count most...

wishing you all the best xX...

if you do go, try to leave xX there, and move the new xX... http://img116.exs.cx/img116/6469/g5cgrin.gif

I'm glad you recognize how slippery a slope you might be on. I'm glad you posted.

I agree that a geographical cure may not be the answer. I wanted to run, to start over, many times. I hated change more than I hated my situation, though, so I stayed, and I changed 'me' instead.

I'd love to be in your position - living under someone else's roof (who I assume are paying the bills), the opportunity to go back to school (a new career - I would love that), and the youth that goes with it all.

I waited until my mid 30's to start getting well. I gave up on school, settled for a job that paid the bills, got married to a man I didn't love, and had children with him. Now I'm going to be 40, and I've got a lot of financial responsibilites to shoulder.

Start where you are. And build from there. Just don't pick up - that's one place you surely don't want to go.

Always grateful to have you here with us. Wishing you well, always.

Rowan