Empty Cartridge

Thank you for all of the responses.

It does make sense that my body is just accepting the beer calories for what they are. When I do eat, it is often healthy foods. The hot dogs and last night's meal were the first thing that popped into my head. I often will have a fruit smoothie with nothing but fresh fruit, yogurt, and milk. I eat lots of salads, because as I said, bulky foods (burgers, steaks, etc.) are tough for me to finish. Well, impossible for me to finish.

I have to tell you that the prospect of going to a doctor or clinic about this is very frightening. I am not one to visit a doctor very often, and am not a fan of medication. Getting me to take an aspirin is a stretch.

I am not sure that I understand why detoxing by myself is considered so dangerous. Is it physically dangerous? If so, how? Or is it more the danger of me slipping up?

The physical problems I have had are A) the kidney thing mentioned above, B) my complexion has worsoned (redness in the face, acne, C) sporadic, guttoral coughing until I eat or drink D) the sleeping and eating thing. I haven't seen more severe things, like blood in vomit or urine.

I am a little more open to AA, but still not quite there yet. I just admitted to having a problem, and posting here was really my first step to getting some answers.

This is all very frightening to me. It's not that I don't know what I have to do, it's just trying to find an answer that fits for me with minimal impact on my work life. I have many employees and customers that rely on me....not to mention that I depend on myself.

I am going to read through more of the forum, and continue to read your responses. Trust me, all of them are appreciated. The worst thing about not talking about this before was feeling that I was alone.

GlassPrisoner

You're not alone, that's for sure. I felt that way too once, it's scary.

Misscat

Just go. Doctors are there to help you, and if you dont go, what are you gaining? Dont overthink this, in my opinion.

Empty Cartridge

Well, I've been reading up on recovery, and it looks like complete withdrawl could be physically dangerous. An article I found said that during the early stages of detox, that I would have to be "supported."

I am not ready for that.

I am going to try a scheduled, gradual withdrawl. If this does not work, I will go to a doctor and get a friend or two to help me. I consider this a last resort, and I know that it is against many of your advice, but I feel I need to do step 2 before I do step 3.

If I slip up on the scheduled withdrawl a single time, I will throw up my hands and do the doctor thing. Some of this is pride, some fear, and some practical reasons.

gypsytears

I hope you reconsider the doctor thing. It'd be wise to go that route first imo .

Empty Cartridge

I may. The more I read, the more I see that that may be inevitable. This is scary stuff.

BaldHeadedJohn

You may experience very bad effects, like delerium tremens, extremely high blood pressure, seizures, and some other nasty effects. If you are in any doubt whatsoever, please detox under medical supervision. None of us are doctors, and I assume you're not, either.

At the very least, please let a friend or someone you're close to keep an eye on you.

Everyone is different in their physical responses. Please reconsider the doctor visit.

I wish you well. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

All my best to you.

BHJ

Empty Cartridge

I will keep in touch, and thank you for the offer. I appreciate all of your time, caring, and prayers. I'll give the tapering a go, but I promise to keep you an honest update on the progress. I think this forum may be as helpful to me as anything right now. Just getting all of this out has been a big step for me.

Rusty Zipper

EC how about the unmanagability? EC

AAFreeportPA

You know you want to quit. And it can be done. In fact, since you decided to not drink you're going to feel that desire for drink come on string for the next few days. However, it's just a bad habit that deserves to die. In this case, starve it by simply not drinking.

Feel it's pain and realize that your desire is appealing to you. And yet you choose to not drink. Once you see its weakness as it tries to show you memories of ONLY the good times you and only you know where those drinks led to.

In other words, just don't drink and feel that pain of a vanquished opponent. It will only last a few days but it will fade within a week as you recognize its tactics. Think of any desire to drink as your defeated opponent whining and begging for it's precious. In fact, think of it as Gollum and how that character within LOTR is that desire for that precious. When seen for what it is abstinence becomes simpler by recognizing that appetite as not you.

Feel free to ask questions. You'll find the answers soon enough. Just don't drink Just For Today and realize how simple it is to stay quit.

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

barb dwyer

Hey EC - how's it going?

Empty Cartridge

Status check:

Reduction in drinking: on schedule. I ignored a 70's party, a baseball game, and a free night of drinking due to a friend being a guest bartender tonight, and stayed at home (I drank, but under controlled amounts).
Sleeping: I slept like crap last night, but I slept.
Pain: Still significant kidney pain
Eating: very poor
Resolve: still strong

barb dwyer

EC -

I have kidney disease. Frequent backaches, etc. Swelling, (hands, face, abdomen) fatigue ... the whole schmoo. I can't emphasise cranberry juice enough. It even seems to wrk better for me when diluted a tad with elrctrolyte enhanced water.

Just a thought.

Empty Cartridge

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try it tomorow.

barb dwyer

It's icky ... truth.

I don't know WHAT ever possessed natives to squash them up and drink something that sour but ... good thing they did, I guess.

Pilgrim

Hi Empty Cartridge. It's good to see you here and studying what alcohol is doing to your body. This has got nothing to do with your willpower and the problem is not psychological.

At the end of my heavy drinking I pretty much stopped eating and had stomach pains if I did eat something. I was bloated and had blood in my urine.

Your body needs help. Alcohol is keeping the pain away but at the same time, it is severely damaging your internal organs.

It is my opinion, along with others here, that you need to see a doctor who understands alcoholism.

You are not alone. We understand!

Empty Cartridge

I have decided to call my best friend tomorrow and tell him what my goal is. I think he knows that I am an alcoholic, and will be honest and stern with me. I trust him, even though he is many miles away.

I have held to my short-term goals the last two days, but have also recognized the temptation to slip. He will dedicate time and effort to me me without judgement. I have a feeling that I will slip without support.

I still maintain that if I slip a single time that I will go to a doctor. That is a promise, and I don't take promises lightly.

Pilgrim

I found that my non alcoholic friends didn't really understand even though some are very supportive. The thing is, they don't quite "get" the need to stay stopped. We love each other but we are on different planets when it comes to alcohol.

I know what you mean. I slip without support too. Slips are not good for me and my body can't really cope with much more. AA and SR are my support. Lots of new friends who understand.

Thanks for the promise EC. You know we hold people to their promises round here - Stone even has a whip!!!!

lostmdboy

Hey EC. I hope you go see a doctor soon. I would highly recomend going to an AA meeting, and picking up a Big Book. I think this would bennit you greatly. I wish you the best. There are a lot of people who have gone through what you are facing. I think you should follow there advice.

parentrecovers

you're right when you say your non alcholic friends don't get it. they can be supportive and they're not bad people, but they just don't understand your new way of thinking. that's where aa support comes in....they GET IT!

blessings, k