screwed up a little
 

Wanted a drink yesterday, took a shot of Jack. Feel bad. Didnt drink anything after that. Wondering if I wll be able to just not drink at all. I dont want to just go back to the same unhealthy mistakes, but part of me is having a hard time thinking that I will never drink/party again. I dont feel like a failure, but I feel like I should feel more like one. I feel frustrated more than anything.
I feel like an *******.

Hi Misscat,

I feel the exact same feelings. I know drinking will kill me if I continue. The famous saying, "One day at a time", really helps. Don't focus on the future.

Love and peace.

Only you can decide whether you can moderate your drinking, Misscat, and even if I was able to drink just one shot, one time, I couldn't guarantee that I would be able to stop at 1 the next time.
Abstinence is safest. I know it's hard to not think in terms of never drink/party again, so why not try to stay in the present, and look for things to do that don't involve alcohol?
They say it's a test we can try in order to find out if we are true alcoholics - to try to stop at just one - but I don't like to play with fire, myself.
I hope that you keep posting, Misscat.

All I Can Tell You Is To Try To Be Strong And Continue To Work On Your Drinking Issue I Ve Never Been In Your Situation But I Know Its Goning To Be Hard To Resist And Not Drink But I Will Pray For You If You Need Someone To Talk To There Are Plenty Of People Here That Will. Sorry I Cant Help Much More But My Bf Is My Addict So I Really Cant Give Any Other Advice
!!just Never Give Up, And Stay Strong!!

If you can test your self by seeing if you can only drink one or 2 and stop you may not have a problem, I have tried that and I could never stop at 2 drinks I would just keep on drinking so I know I am an alcoholic.

Thanks. I just feel very strange. I feel kinda lonly, scared I'll fail, but dont want to think about it TOO much.

I dont have a problem drinking alone/at home with one person...its when I am in social situations. If I am out for a night I make poor decisions all the time. Its hard for me to know if I should drink at all even at home even if its just for a while. I dont want to get myself into a bad situation when I am out again--that's when I end up buying drugs or blacking out.

when you first look @ sobriety, it's no uncommon to feel this way.

talking with other alcoholics is a tremendous help for me!

keep it up!

Tom

good for you for stopping yourself at one. blessings, k

If you are blacking out after drinking, even if drinking only in social situations cause binge drinkers can also become alcohol dependent, I used to be that way and it progressed to where I drink a lot more now, so be careful. Just a little advice from some one who knows and I am not trying to tell you that you have a problem, only you can decide that for yourself, anyway I wish you the best!

:) To feel socially at ease
you have to drink?
Kinda sad isn't it?

Blessings

My mother was the best advise giver in the world. Short and sweet. She would have said, "baby, if in doubt...don't." Best of luck.

I am new to this but there is NO WAY I could have had that shot and felt like that was enough. There are different extents of alcohol addiction/dependence and you don't seem to be that advanced. You may not yet be or ever will be a alcoholic but I'm definitely sure you would be described as a problem drinker, if for no other reason than it causes you problems. Now why don't you access the social aspects of your life (I myself have problems with this). I'm sure you would feel better the next morning if you had a few drinks with a friend at their house and watched a DVD than you would after getting drunk, going to a rave and popping tablets or whatever. NO alcohol agrees with me but alcohol may not be your problem, rather your circle of friends or life choices may be. At the time partying is very enjoyable. It's an escape. I loved it. But like you I pay for it later and it just isn't worth the problems (depression, guilt, injury, embarrassment etc.).

It was really hard for me in the beginning (and still is at times) to think that I will live my whole life without taking drugs or drinking. I couldn't imagine a life like that because more than half of my life I have spent wasted in some form or another. I learned that you literally have to take life one day at a time, sometimes 15 minutes at a time and you get through it. If I feel that way now, I just try to say that for the next fifteen minutes, I am not going to use and I am not going to think about anything longer than that. It really does work.

I can't pick up and I know I wouldn't stop...yes maybe one time, I'm not going to test myself though and now I don't want to and I can go out have fun be silly if I want without embarrasing everyon, in short I persevered it took me years to 'get it' and now I have a life and my family and friends who supported me in my decision, I won't do anything to jeopodize (sp) that. Only you will know if you can stop or not. My very best wishes for you.

ha--yes, I hear you. The thing is, I am very comfortable in social situations for the most part. I just find that I get antsy when there is alcohol available and other people are drinking, its almost like a nervous tic. I used to do drugs out of anger, I was angry at my mom for selling my childhood home and moving 10 hours away with a man she had only known a year, and kind of leaving me with no where to go at an age where I was old enough to live on my own, but was kind of taken by surprise. I had to live with my best friend's mother while I figured out what to do, and ended up crashing with hippies, smoking pot, tripping, taking mushrooms, whatever was around. My drinking and doing drugs was like a big F you to her for doing that, stupid as that sounds. I couldnt deal. I think I just got to a point where living on the edge felt good--I just had no personal direction at that time of my life, and it provided me with a distraction. I definitely got my life together and got my Master's degree and have a decent job at this point, bought a condo, etc. But I got so used to living with people who would just get obliterated, and once I found the club scene, it wasnt uncommon for me to be at a friend's place in Chelsea (NYC) at 10 am coming down off of pills and drinking a beer while people around me were still doing Meth (I never did that). I guess I compared myself to all these people around me who were so much worse than me, and I never really had a group of friends who were moderate--they were extreme partiers. I got used to that being what fun is.
In the past two years I have shifted my focus and have started to spend time with much more moderate people, and my fiance is moderate in what he does and doesnt do drugs. Although I am a lot less of a partier than I used to be, I would say that "Old habits die hard--" I got used to a certain intensity of partying being "fun"--and less than that always felt like it was, well, just not as intense, it almost felt like I was left "hanging." I still had fun, but I felt a sort of restlessness that I still get and can't put my finger on. Its not always about the drugs or the drinking, its about staying out and experiencing all kinds of people and feelings. Maybe this doesnt make sense but I find I get bored very easily and partying became a not-so-healthy way to keep myself distracted from boredom. Unfortunately, my restlessness would almost never be calmed no matter how many drinks I had, but as I drank more, my inhibitions lowered, and I found myself drinking more and then picking up drugs or whatever. I just have a hard time calming the restlessness. It may be anxiety based...is this alcoholic/addictive thinking? Or just a behavioral/social habit that hasnt yet changed?
Sorry for the long post...but I am still trying to sort this out. Thanks everyone!

hey all still getting used to the culture of this board, sorry if I am long-winded.

does anyone have any thoughts on this? sorry its long...

First off let me say that I mean no disrespect by this, but when I read your original post here, Misscat, I was reminded of the story of the man who went to the doctor, and while he was hitting himself on the head with a 2x4, he told the doctor, " I hurts when I do this doc...?" so the doc said, "Well, DON'T do that!".... (o:

Dose it really matter?......: "It may be anxiety based...is this alcoholic/addictive thinking? Or just a behavioral/social habit that hasnt yet changed?"

Try staying out of social situations for a while, and get comfortable in your own skin; enjoying your own company.

And one final note. I'll leave you with what I answered to your previous post 'Scared'.....:

"You've gotten a lot of good suggestions so far; one of the first things I might suggest you do is.....

you say, "I am not sure I can be completely sober..." .......... well, you're absolutely right; with this kind of thinking/attitude you won't be able to.....soooooooo..........

CHANGE your THINKING/ATTITUDE..... (o:

There's a lot to be said for 'the power of positive thinking' or 'you sow what you reap' or 'The Principle of Mind/Thought....Action: Thoughts held in mind produce after their kind.'

You'll hear a lot, in AA anyway, that you can act your way into right thinking.....pure POPPYCOCK! Thoughts do NOT follow actions; actions follow thought. There's never been an action where a thought didn't preceed it, even if only subconsciously

So, whether you believe in God and that you're created in His image or not, just remember that you have the power within you....you CAN get sober!!!!! So pick up some of the previously mentioned suggestions anf....GOFORIT..... (o: "

NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

Misscat, I understand that feeling of weird restlessness at parties where there is alcohol or drugs. Not necessarily because you want to use them but because it is so much of your lifestyle for a long time (well, mine, anyway). For me, I used to look at drunk and high people and shudder to think I was like that, making a fool of myself and acting so horribly. Then the shame went away when I started thinking that I was missing out. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that what I really was missing out on was pain and misery, I couldn't convince myself and back out I went. Over and over that cycle continued. Sometimes I think about what it was like for me at parties--the way the music felt (yes, felt, not sounded, like a physical thing and I bet you understand that), the way I could roll with whatever was coming because I was floating and it didn't matter, I had no problems. I could travel a thousand miles in my mind and still be right there and I loved it. I loved parties like that, where I could lose control mentally of myself and still have the hilarious duality of knowing that I was physically at a party. I can't really describe that sensation. It's very strange and hard to put into words. Perhaps that wasn't your experience at all but it was for me and that is why I think I am mourning so heavily for that lifestyle. I did hit a bottom, though, and no amount of travelling in my mind or having hallucinations to Doors music could save me from what I had become--an animal at best. That's no way to live for me. I knew if I wanted to physically live and to really, spiritually live (as in enjoy life for once), I knew I had to get clean. It's a struggle. And it's worth it.

Just my two cents. :)