back to work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
back to work.
first day back at work...
first no smoking at the station, its open not under shelter ffs. Then I have the smellest person ever sit next to me....had to stand amoungst people whilst waiting to get access to the underground. finally get to work...laptop was being an arse, IP address was wrong, no access to the network...by the time its sorted its 10:00!
Then one of the guys came up to me, and said "great to see u back, i've missed molesting you" and then gave me a hug...anyone that knows me knows I hate hugs and I hate that closeness..it sent me off on one, had to leave the building to calm down...get outside, we have scaffolding going up which means workmen...one says morning, fine...nothing wrong with that..then another shouts out great "****"..i wanted to run so fast..my heart was racing. I'm seen as just a peice of meat by men.
On the way home, i had a panic attack on the tube..luckly it was one stop away from where i was getting off.
The days' getting worse, i've got in and just feel like collasping, i want to cut as I feel dirty and disgusting. i sat down when I got in and one of my ab*sers face was in my head, i can't get rid of him.
What do i have to do to blend in..I used to have long hair, its now shoulder length, I used to have curly hair, its now straightened, I've changed the colour, I put weight on and still the remarks, so now I'm not eating anything but fruit and water to try and lose it, I don't wear make-up, i wear vest-tops or long sleeve tops I don't wear sluty tops, I never wear skirts...what else do I have to change so that I'm not seen as a piece of meat.
i have a massive headache, I've taken more pills then I should have to get rid of it, i want to drink but I promised I wouldn't drink during the working week..but now I just want to get drunk and forget everything.. i feel depressed, I feel I'm back where I was before i was signed off from work. the bad thoughts are back, i'm not sure how much more I can take. I can't go to counselling tomorrow as it costs £40 a session, I don't need to buy drink or tablets so I can't save money there, I'm not eating so can't save money there.. I don't know what else to do.
first no smoking at the station, its open not under shelter ffs. Then I have the smellest person ever sit next to me....had to stand amoungst people whilst waiting to get access to the underground. finally get to work...laptop was being an arse, IP address was wrong, no access to the network...by the time its sorted its 10:00!
Then one of the guys came up to me, and said "great to see u back, i've missed molesting you" and then gave me a hug...anyone that knows me knows I hate hugs and I hate that closeness..it sent me off on one, had to leave the building to calm down...get outside, we have scaffolding going up which means workmen...one says morning, fine...nothing wrong with that..then another shouts out great "****"..i wanted to run so fast..my heart was racing. I'm seen as just a peice of meat by men.
On the way home, i had a panic attack on the tube..luckly it was one stop away from where i was getting off.
The days' getting worse, i've got in and just feel like collasping, i want to cut as I feel dirty and disgusting. i sat down when I got in and one of my ab*sers face was in my head, i can't get rid of him.
What do i have to do to blend in..I used to have long hair, its now shoulder length, I used to have curly hair, its now straightened, I've changed the colour, I put weight on and still the remarks, so now I'm not eating anything but fruit and water to try and lose it, I don't wear make-up, i wear vest-tops or long sleeve tops I don't wear sluty tops, I never wear skirts...what else do I have to change so that I'm not seen as a piece of meat.
i have a massive headache, I've taken more pills then I should have to get rid of it, i want to drink but I promised I wouldn't drink during the working week..but now I just want to get drunk and forget everything.. i feel depressed, I feel I'm back where I was before i was signed off from work. the bad thoughts are back, i'm not sure how much more I can take. I can't go to counselling tomorrow as it costs £40 a session, I don't need to buy drink or tablets so I can't save money there, I'm not eating so can't save money there.. I don't know what else to do.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
You need to learn to stand up for yourself.
Stop letting people disrespect you.
Open your mouth and tell them.
If you just keep letting it happen.
They are going to think it is OK.
You have the power to stop it.
I use to be like you.
I was too shy or embarrassed to say anyhting back.
Now people know better. I make it known I will not tolerate disrespect.
Game face...Stand up for yourself.
So I am a b i t c h now.
So what. I guarntee you I wont be disrespected anymore.
Stop letting people disrespect you.
Open your mouth and tell them.
If you just keep letting it happen.
They are going to think it is OK.
You have the power to stop it.
I use to be like you.
I was too shy or embarrassed to say anyhting back.
Now people know better. I make it known I will not tolerate disrespect.
Game face...Stand up for yourself.
So I am a b i t c h now.
So what. I guarntee you I wont be disrespected anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
i tried a meeting before and I had a panic attack at the door... I know I need to stand up for myself..I don't like be shy and quiet and never saying how I really feel. I used to love my job I really did I lived to work, I loved every minute of it and now..now I just feel deflated. It was only 4 hours at work. I'm pathetic, sorry.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by thiskidknows 
I'm pathetic, sorry.
I know things will get better. Not all at once, but over some time they will. You need to be a little patient, and don't worry about things that you can't control.
Is there another train you can take? Or perhaps a bus? Those guys sound like real @ssholes to me. People that show that kind of disrespect really irritate me.
I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. Please keep posting.
Brightest Blessings, kid!
BHJ
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: A big city in, CA
Posts: 82
TKK,
Keep hanging in. Please give yourself some credit, you are trying your very best, and yes, it is hard!! But you deserve some credit. All is not lost. There will be days when everyone around is just a total Fu*#er, and you just have to try to ignore it and put one foot in front of the other--for you. I have no doubt that when you have the energy you will learn to stand up for yourself. You are trying to better yourself, you are not disgusting or dirty, or a piece of meat, you are a lovely person having some trouble and doing their very best to get better, but I know how that feels, some people are just really insensitive jerks at the worst of times. Don't give up because other people are @sses. Those people will always be around. Take good care of yourself. Keep posting!!! You are in my thoughts.
Keep hanging in. Please give yourself some credit, you are trying your very best, and yes, it is hard!! But you deserve some credit. All is not lost. There will be days when everyone around is just a total Fu*#er, and you just have to try to ignore it and put one foot in front of the other--for you. I have no doubt that when you have the energy you will learn to stand up for yourself. You are trying to better yourself, you are not disgusting or dirty, or a piece of meat, you are a lovely person having some trouble and doing their very best to get better, but I know how that feels, some people are just really insensitive jerks at the worst of times. Don't give up because other people are @sses. Those people will always be around. Take good care of yourself. Keep posting!!! You are in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I used to bitch about my job. God felt sorry for me & took it away from me. Now, I don't love my job, but I sure do appreciate it 
And, I do a pretty darn good job of doing it too.
But yeah, it takes a while to get back into the swing of things. The grind gets to everybody.
And, I do a pretty darn good job of doing it too.
But yeah, it takes a while to get back into the swing of things. The grind gets to everybody.
Inspired
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
Yesterday was my 1st day back at work since detox and inpatient rehab. My co-workers know where I was for the month, even without me telling them. I keep telling myself, I do NOT care what they think of me, I refuse to continue to value myself the way that others view me. I am NOT a doormat. The only thing I care about is that I still have my job, and my boss told me that I can work overtime next week if I want. I find myself still walking around with my head down, only difference is now I am aware of it, and I can promptly put my chin up and be proud to be sober. As long as I do the next right thing, all my dreams will turn into reality.
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