Aysha

Well I have been doing a little of a program outside of 12 step.
It's been a few weeks and alot of it makes sense to me.
In the short time I have been experiencing this program through their literature, worksheets, beliefs, chat room and online meetings. I have noticed quite a change in myself.
In all aspects. Not just addiction.
My anger has lessened. My attitude has changed more passive then aggressive.
I think now instead of reacting first.
I feel like I have energy to do things when before I didnt even feel like getting in the shower.
I am in a good mood more often and back to my goofy old self.
I am a joker and I see that coming back.
I love to laugh and make people laugh.
Nothing feels better to me. Not even the drugs.
I feel motivated and positive.
But yet not too confident.
Is there finally some balance here?
I feel peaceful and content for the first time in a long time.
I feel determined to do what I have to do to get the job done.
I havent had anxiety since court. I find myself coming out of isolation.
I like being by myself alot but I take it to the extreme where I wont even acknowledge a guest in my house. Not because I feel uneasy. Just because I find it draining to have to socialize sometimes.
My sister was here a few weeks ago. i dont really talk to her anyway. But I have a neice and a nephew that I love to see and my neice is always excited to see me even tho I hardly ever see her.
I didnt even say hi. I just went in my room.
That is just rude. So she calls today and I made sure I talked with her a little.
I find myself wanting to be outside and around people more.
I am primping myself. OMG..I havent painted my nails in years.
I am styling my hair and doing things I use to take pride in about myself.
It is kinda the pink cloud affect withput the fog.
If that makes sense.
That pink cloud got me last time.
This is different. It is like inner peace and humility.
Not this is too good to be true I feel like I'm on top of the world kind of feeling.
I am just plain old content.
I still have my moments but I have learned to not let it rule me.
I find I am correcting myself real fast if I get attitude.
I dont know me anymore. LOL....
Even with my grams. She hasnt had to lift a finger the past week. And usually when she asks me to do something I grunt or something and say later.
She hasnt even had to ask me anything here lately.
Court doesnt even seem to be bothering me too much anymore.
I figure what happens is gonna happen so why waste valuable time worrying about what I cant predict.
I dont know really what the point of this post is.
I guess just letting out some thoughts and aknowledging that I feel a change.
My mind is more focused and I am going to do this.
I havent felt like this in so many years.
I feel I have grown and grown up alot as well.
Thank you SR peeps. My journey started here with all of you.
I still have a long way to go. But there is progress.
And anyone can do it.
You just need to believe and keep trying.
If you fall..so what..brush yourself off and keep going. like your life depends on it.
Because in reality it does.
Ok enpgh out of me..
Thanks again..I love you guys!!

Alive

thks for sharing..me too..specially laughing..i hadn't laughed like this for years..it's just a natural, peaceful, confident laugh...i notice something different on you too..it's a new vibe..a good future vibe...

you keep "threading" and i can't resist to answer...lol...

Hope

That means you are recovering!! Woohoo, way to go girl!

You are growing, changing, and becoming the woman you were always meant to be.

I'm proud of you!