Room1

I know I have just posted one but I just kinda had a thought. I have no more drink, my other post said why, but what I was thinking is, the thing that bothers me most at the moment, that I have no one to talk to about.

It is something that happened to me while ago in a blackout, I can't really talk to anybody else cause they just don't get it. I don't understand myself, is it my fault? That sounds wrong, but basically I was living with a guy and I had pretty much decided it was over, he wanted a child and I didn't, I had two allready, amd only know him 6 months. There were other things but basically I had come to the decision this guy was "not the one!" I hadn't told him this yet but I had told him I didn't really want another child.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I stopped having sex with him to make sure I didn't get pregnant, you know, head ache to tired etc, Well one month later I was pregnant, I have no memory of having sex with him, the only time I can think that it happened was when his parents came to visit and we all went to the pub :s

I just don't know what to think about this, I have another daughter now, whom I do love but I find it hard, as I do know that i didn't want any more children really. i sometimes think that he did as good as rape me, obviously he didn't as we were living together at the time, obviously if I wern't drunk nothing would have happened, but equally how could he do that to me if I can't even remeber it? I just don't know what to think about it. This daughter is 2 and a half now, she has never seen her "dad" he wasn't an english citizan and even after I was pregnant my thoughts were the same, I didn't want to be with him, I kinda feel like he got me pregnant on purpose, I think he thought I would let him stay with me if he did :s

i don't know what to think about this, but I have come to realise it is one thing that I try not to think about, maybe one reason I drink? He wrote me a couple of weeks ago and told me how much he loved "his daughter" and asked me to give her a kiss and hug from him?? She is 2 and 1/2 and never seen him?????

I guess what I am asking is, is it my fault for being so drunk or did he do wrong? ohhh, i know it makes no difference really but I just don't know what to do for the best reguarding my daughter? did he do wrong so i would be within my rights to tell him to go to hell, or was it my fault for being drunk :/

Anna

It sounds like a mistake that happened between the two of you. If you had been sober things would have turned out differently, but he should not have taken advantage of you under the circumstances.

The main thing now is to focus on the child and what is right for her. If her father wants to see her and know her, maybe that is a possibility you should think about.

Alive

Some people are just not good parents...i'm sorry..but from what you say he seems to be like that..i can't judge him or have an opinion but say to you that you are a great mom. I am a man, and i don't see myself not seeing my future kids ever...i can't understand that kind of selfishness.... i imagine raising a kid without a father..even more if it's not planned...i can tell you something tough..you can choose to keep thinking on the reason he did that to you( and its perfectly normal) or teach your daughter to move on and not let men use her...i am telling you this, because i am in a position where i realized i did not move on from a lot of stuff until now...and that was specially because i couldn't get the way dad treated mom..i stopped trying to understand..my time is too precious to loose it with selfish and cold people..no more....sax..you shouldn't loose another minute thinking about that...you have a life in front of you, you have three children...you have yourself..live..my friend...

i am telling you this, from my perspective at this time of my life...i don't know if it makes sense at this time in yours..but to me, it was an epiphany to realize that it was my fault that i though about certain people that much...i chose to let go of that and bring myself back to life...

take care...those who can't love you have a problem..because you are a child of God, you are supposed to be loved..

GlassPrisoner

If you're an alcoholic, that's why you drink. Period.

Again, my advice is to put the hows and whys aside for now, and commit yourself to a recovery program. If you're pregnant, you can't be a practicing alcoholic. It will harm the child.

If you decide to follow a 12 step program, like AA, eventually you will make an inventory of all those you resent (including the man that got you pregnant) and then realize that you weren't victimized, and you had a large part to play in it. But that's step 4.......

Room1

I am not pregnant now, this was over three years ago, my daughter that was born although I have no recolection of having sex is now 2 1/2.

I have 3 daughters, two by my marriage (divorced now) and well the third as explained above

Room1

Thats what I am trying to work out I think?

Room1

Anna, that is what i am trying to think about. I do get hung up on how she was conceived but I do try and look at the bigger picture. Which is basically in 2 1/2 years he has written 3 times, all he ever says is how bad he feels about not being here, and sorry for being crap when he was here and that she is his life?. He has never asked one question about her, never asked to see her or ask for a photo. I was in contact with his sister for a while and I sent her a photo which she obviously passed on to him which prompted his last letter that came last week. He lives in another country and has never once mentioned coming to visit :/

Anna

That's a difficult situation. And, the fact is that whatever you decide is best, your daughter may decide she wants a relationship with her father when she gets older. In the meantime, you need to do what you feel is best.