Sooze

So I wrote to you all last Saturday, poured my heart out. Since then, believe it or not, I've been sober! (cheers, bic lighters being lit all round) Okay good. But now it's the weekend. I"ve been invited tomorrow night to a really good colleague's fortieth birthday party. And already my mind's going, "Yah, I could just have one glass of wine." What's up with that? Why do we do that? When we know that there's nothing finer than a sober night in our wee bed, followed by a sober morning? What is it in me that is already trying to f** that up?

your loving friend,
Sooze

barb dwyer

sooze -

congratulations !!!!
was wondering about you this week.

about the other -
we think about drinking because we're alcoholics.

*shrug*

go figure.

keep your head, kid - and you'll be fine.

are you going to meetings or what?

CarolD

Glad to see you had a sober week.

I could always be content
with just 1 drink t oo..
one 5th that is.

I did avoid drinkers and parties
in early sobriety because I culd
not stay sober when I went.

Now I could but find the scene
more pathetic than interesting.

Take care of yourself
cause no one else will.

Sooze

Girls, thank you. Thank you so much. It amazes me still that I can write in this forum, just some stuff I'm thinking about, and have people respond to me. Barb! you're so right. it's just the addiction talking. And telling me that no, I am not normal and okay just because I had a sober week without incident. And Carol, you also are right. No I haven't gone to any meetings and I think that is the thing that will keep me from either being a success or a failure. meetings! Why do I resist them so much?

Thank you, beautiful ladies. Yes, I truly have had a sober week. But because it was so easy, I can see myself slipping.

love you, Sooze

barb dwyer

Man o man..

I go 48 hours w/o a meeting ... and I'm nuts.

Walk in
say hello
sit down
and
WHUMP
all is better.

Whatever that is -
it's better than anything, man.

Sooze

Realy? What is it about hearing people, a bunch of strangers, that works for you? I know I sound really negative about it, I'm not really, but I would so love to know what works for you about meetings. As I said, I only ever went to one and I didn't really like it. But I respect you a whole lot and would love to know your thoughts.

sd

indigo

A week rocks!!! in early recovery and at unexpected times we addicts/drunks find we are getting cravings or using, drink related dreams, I think that's quite normal. When you feel like that try and change your activities to take your mind off it. Now if I have dreams of using/drinking I awake and thank goodness it was only a dream or nightmare. Keep on you can do it.

hugs indie

barb dwyer

They're not strangers. They're fellow alcoholics. I know without a doubt that, sometime within that hour ... something is going to be said that I am going to connect with, find profound, or find comfort in.

We all share the same affliction. The same gifts. The same problems. The same inablility to connect with the same aspects of the 'normal' world. We're the only ones who understand. It's the only place where I am understood. It's the only place where I don't have to 'be' anything. Other than my own home ... it's my only refuge.

It's the closest thing to a family I've ever known.

Sooze

You know what? I am proud of my week. I've been sorrrowing a lot for my man this week, and Damn, yeah, it was a good thing that I stayed sober!! Cheeyah!!

But let

Sooze

sorry, I pushed the wrong button. But the thing I am most worried about is the weekend. Especially since I've been invited to a party. Help me!

love you gals, you're so awesome.
Susie

barb dwyer

well ....
you might have to decide thepriority of the party.

I know you said at some point that you're a screenwriter. I've got friends up there on the Great White way, myself. I know there's schmoozing to be done. If it's one of those kind of parties ... maybe someone on your call sheet would like to go along to keep you sober company?

And - you said something one of my sponsees said one time:
'why don't I want to go to meetings?'
YOU ... do.
The DISEASE .. the PERSONALITY ... doesn't.

It knows it won't continue to be in charge if you go.

Sooze

Actually, I've already decided to take a sober friend with me. A gay best friend of mine to whom I've admitted my alcoholism. Funny how writing to you guys is making me pro-active! Again, Barb, you are one smart lady. Butte, Montana, Huh? I look forward to being friends. Let me tell you how tomorrow works for me. But I think it's gonna be good. I'd hate to write you all and tell you I f**ed up.

love, S

barb dwyer

dont' worry about that.

none of that has happened yet.

more important - what ya gonna wear?

indigo

Yeah what are you going to wear?

lostmdboy

One thing that came to mind when reading your post is that normal drinkers do not plan out that they will only have one drink. I here tell that they do not even consider it. I guess that is one of the things that make us alkies. We are always trying to control some thing that already has control of us. Good luck at the party, and have fun.