I don't understand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I don't understand
The things I do.
I had 40 days today.
I can't post here because I have been drinking. And you know... when I drink.... I get it in fast. I lost count already. Maybe 12. Still waiting for it to give me what it used to.
If you are thinking of picking up - Steph says..... you will not find what you wanted to find.
Don't.
I love you all so much still.
This is the hardest fight of my life without question.
I have had some fights. PM me if you want to know them. This is the hardest.
If I get through this time....it will be because God has something else to do with me.
Newbies - dont go back. Go too AA. Get help. Don't give up. I hope I come out the other side with wisdom for you. Tomight I have none.
I had 40 days today.
I can't post here because I have been drinking. And you know... when I drink.... I get it in fast. I lost count already. Maybe 12. Still waiting for it to give me what it used to.
If you are thinking of picking up - Steph says..... you will not find what you wanted to find.
Don't.
I love you all so much still.
This is the hardest fight of my life without question.
I have had some fights. PM me if you want to know them. This is the hardest.
If I get through this time....it will be because God has something else to do with me.
Newbies - dont go back. Go too AA. Get help. Don't give up. I hope I come out the other side with wisdom for you. Tomight I have none.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Sure you have wisdom and you are
welcome to share it here with us
(+) (+) (+) Hugs and Prayers Steph
You can just begin again
and I have faith you will.
I too had false starts.
Geez! I was in AA 5 years before
I earned a 1 year medallion.
We can and do recover!
welcome to share it here with us
(+) (+) (+) Hugs and Prayers Steph
You can just begin again
and I have faith you will.
I too had false starts.
Geez! I was in AA 5 years before
I earned a 1 year medallion.
We can and do recover!
Sooze
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 24
Hang in
Sweetie,
Don't forget all those weeks of sobriety. You can do this. Yes, it sucks right now, but you are an awesome individual.. Hang in baby, you can do this. We all fall and fail. It's apparently part of the journey. Hang on!! And keep posting!!
love, Sooze
Don't forget all those weeks of sobriety. You can do this. Yes, it sucks right now, but you are an awesome individual.. Hang in baby, you can do this. We all fall and fail. It's apparently part of the journey. Hang on!! And keep posting!!
love, Sooze
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
steph from what i remember... at my end... no amount would get me to back to oz...
the house landed on me...
it was exausing to try to keep up the pace... constant blackouts... the stupidtivity factor was way over the top...
steph, the Rat one again this time...
when you try again.. dammit, fix what needs fix'n... and dump that BF...
slow the hell down, see where it got you...
and i dont give a hoot if you dont like what i just said...
as alky's, we need to hear, what we dont like to hear... bottom line...
it can be life, or death...
root'n for you steph, and all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
Maybe 12. Still waiting for it to give me what it used to.
the house landed on me...
it was exausing to try to keep up the pace... constant blackouts... the stupidtivity factor was way over the top...
steph, the Rat one again this time...
when you try again.. dammit, fix what needs fix'n... and dump that BF...
slow the hell down, see where it got you...
and i dont give a hoot if you dont like what i just said...
as alky's, we need to hear, what we dont like to hear... bottom line...
it can be life, or death...
root'n for you steph, and all good wishes...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Steph,
One day the penny will drop for us both, I know it will.
''You can just begin again
and I have faith you will.
I too had false starts.
Geez! I was in AA 5 years before
I earned a 1 year medallion.
We can and do recover!''
Quote from Carol. (I still havent got my head around quoting)
Nother quote from Rusty,
''it was exausing to try to keep up the pace... constant blackouts... the stupidtivity factor was way over the top...
steph, the Rat one again this time...
when you try again.. dammit, fix what needs fix'n... and dump that BF...
slow the hell down, see where it got you...
and i dont give a hoot if you dont like what i just said...
as alky's, we need to hear, what we dont like to hear... bottom line...
it can be life, or death...''
Paul.
One day the penny will drop for us both, I know it will.
''You can just begin again
and I have faith you will.
I too had false starts.
Geez! I was in AA 5 years before
I earned a 1 year medallion.
We can and do recover!''
Quote from Carol. (I still havent got my head around quoting)
Nother quote from Rusty,
''it was exausing to try to keep up the pace... constant blackouts... the stupidtivity factor was way over the top...
steph, the Rat one again this time...
when you try again.. dammit, fix what needs fix'n... and dump that BF...
slow the hell down, see where it got you...
and i dont give a hoot if you dont like what i just said...
as alky's, we need to hear, what we dont like to hear... bottom line...
it can be life, or death...''
Paul.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by Pilgrim 
The things I do.
If you are thinking of picking up ..... you will not find what you wanted to find.
This is the hardest fight of my life without question.
If I get through this time....it will be because God has something else to do with me.
If you are thinking of picking up ..... you will not find what you wanted to find.
This is the hardest fight of my life without question.
If I get through this time....it will be because God has something else to do with me.
Thank you for being honest. I needed to know someone out there is struggling also. Today is 7 days for me (again). What you say is the truth. Picking up a drink will by no means better your present circumstances. I can vouch for that. Thank you for giving me hope today. And yes, I do believe that each one of us has a purpose--whether he be a believer (in his own religion) or non-believer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Ok.
First thank you for responding. God Bless.
Carol - you post especially gave me a lot of hope.
I guess the bad part is that I drank. The good part is that it was not a nice buzz and I felt no serenity or peace. The anaesthetic I craved did not happen. I drank till I past out and this morning I am very sick.
I wanted a companion and I wanted to stop feeling so lonely. Drinking didn't help with either.
I have been in AA for five months. I have asked many people to sponsor me. I have had my current sponsor for four weeks and yesterday afternoon, I had an appointment with her to finally start step 1. She cancelled at the last minute - I already had my coat on. I had planned my day around it and I didn't go to a meeting because of it. I had not realised that I was still so close to the rat winning RZ. Something snapped and I stopped caring about my recovery.
I am going to use my holiday to reassess what to do next. The book "Under the Influence" has arrived so I will read.
First thank you for responding. God Bless.
Carol - you post especially gave me a lot of hope.
I guess the bad part is that I drank. The good part is that it was not a nice buzz and I felt no serenity or peace. The anaesthetic I craved did not happen. I drank till I past out and this morning I am very sick.
I wanted a companion and I wanted to stop feeling so lonely. Drinking didn't help with either.
I have been in AA for five months. I have asked many people to sponsor me. I have had my current sponsor for four weeks and yesterday afternoon, I had an appointment with her to finally start step 1. She cancelled at the last minute - I already had my coat on. I had planned my day around it and I didn't go to a meeting because of it. I had not realised that I was still so close to the rat winning RZ. Something snapped and I stopped caring about my recovery.
I am going to use my holiday to reassess what to do next. The book "Under the Influence" has arrived so I will read.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
hi steph just saying Im thinking of you and hope you feel better soon. from the small time here getting to know you I know one thing you a lovely person!! and we all make mistakes. hey you may of caved Im not much better tho I havent bought any booze but I have dam days when its all I can think about to the point of having fantisies about drinking then I make myself remember the hangover and the feeling of hatred that I have about myself.
Be kind to yourself today dont know if its raining where you are (your in wellington arent you?) but curl up take it easy and when monday rolls around its a new day.
thinking of you
Ang
Be kind to yourself today dont know if its raining where you are (your in wellington arent you?) but curl up take it easy and when monday rolls around its a new day.
thinking of you
Ang
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Relapse Isn't A Requirement!
Relapse isn't a requirement for membership although I have had my fair share. Hope is the evidence of something hoped for but not yet seen. So today I have hope that you too will be able to learn from this and get through another day. None of us have anything but today!
I know the feeling of coming here and say "I f*cked up again!" Most of the old timers here remember my struggle with staying clean. Matter of fact since I joined up until May 25, 2006 I struggles with so much in life. I kept coming back, I kept listening, then I decided that this isn't a program of people who want it or people who need it, this is a program of people who Do-It. Just for Today mind you! We
I remember those nights of hell and I NEVER want to forget what it was like. Not being trusted, kids running from me, friends leaving me, dog bitting me
(not that), and the hateful heart that I turned out to have. Today it is completely different. NO this isn't easy to do, but it is doable. I will keep you in my thoughts tonight Steph when I am out on my step looking in the sky!
So pick yourself up, get to a meeting, and say I am back!
I know the feeling of coming here and say "I f*cked up again!" Most of the old timers here remember my struggle with staying clean. Matter of fact since I joined up until May 25, 2006 I struggles with so much in life. I kept coming back, I kept listening, then I decided that this isn't a program of people who want it or people who need it, this is a program of people who Do-It. Just for Today mind you! We
I remember those nights of hell and I NEVER want to forget what it was like. Not being trusted, kids running from me, friends leaving me, dog bitting me
(not that), and the hateful heart that I turned out to have. Today it is completely different. NO this isn't easy to do, but it is doable. I will keep you in my thoughts tonight Steph when I am out on my step looking in the sky!So pick yourself up, get to a meeting, and say I am back!
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