I Am So Ashamed
 

I totally went to far last night, I am supposed to be hanging out with my son today before he goes on vacation and have ruined the entire day by partying last night. I still haven't slept, I am anxious and hungover past the point of any functional level. I am ashamed, sad and horribley dissapointed in myself. I need help, now I know that for sure. I'm so tired of failing this journey....

We're here to offer support Sarah!

And there will always be people in recovery you can reach out to for help. Glad you're back, Sarah.

I'm not sure where to start. AA I guess. Why do I feel so reluctant to go? I can't figure it out, but I just don't want to go? Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I don't really want to quite...I don't know. I just know the AA sounds pretty freaky to me for some reason.

hugs, sarahoftheshot. k

Go for it, what have you got to lose except your life????????????????

As long as you think drinking is
partying ....what is the point of quitting?

Good point CarolD....I've not had 'fun' w/o liquor since I was pretty young. Man, how screwed up am I? Ok, pity party...over and out.

Look on the bright side at least you are alive (although I've had hangovers that made me long for death). I sorry you are going through a tough time. Things can get better I believe anybody that truly wants to quit can. I don't have the words to make everything better there is no way to erase what has happened. You can turn a negative into a positive. Use this situation as a wake-up call. Sobriety is yours for the taking. Good luck and nice to meet you.

I did the same thing
 

I feel ashamed too...its so hard but I believe we CAN beat this....we HAVE to...I called my dealer because my boyfriend was away and I was scared to be alone and I didnt sleep till 10 am..i feel terrible now and I wont use tonight...Ive had one clean night this week and I ruined it last night but tonight I try again....I find watching some good films and eating "fat" food helps a little......Im still looking for other things I can do to stop me using

I can understand and relate perfectly. But after two + years in AA I'm pretty happy being a freaky alcoholic in recovery, surrounded by friends in the Fellowship, and filled with a sense of peace and serenity that I never dreamed was possible.

'The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit..."

Its free, its supportive, its a life saver, its a life giver, its forever one day at a time, climb onboard the recovery bus.

Kevin

Get to AA and clean yourself up beginning NOW. While your son is on vacation you can go to a mtg. every single day. Your son deserves it. Your addicted brain doesn't want to stop so just put one foot in front of the other and get into recovery.

When I tended bar....in my 20's
we all used to groan and giggle
when some women arrived.

Too much make up...wearing clothes
that suited a teen...hair styles out of date
they always sat at my bar
next to a guy ... waved a cigarette for
him to light...held his hand when he did.

Pathetic how eager they were for attention.

A few years later I was doing the same...
over age over done over weight party girl.

Yes...my fun bottles had gone
and I had become pathetic.

You don't have to let yourself
slide down there.

There is so much more to do
places to go friends to find.

AA can be an Awesome Adventure
:funjump:

Take care...

I am having one of those hangovers, like the kind where I can't sleep, not comfortable, can't keep food/liquids down. Where's the 'fun' in this? I wish someone would knock me out right now. I guess this is my punishment. If this isn't proof that alchohol is posion...I dont know what it is.

I love my baby (he's a pretty big baby now) more than anything, I want to be a better mother than mine was to me. I realize, this is where I must start. She is an alcoholic. The cycle must stop with me, if it's not already to late.

I've been so selfish, so negative, so abusive to myself....I am pretty sure this must be something about me hating myself to treat myself so poorly. I don't want to do it anymore and if this hangover is in anyway the motivator...so be it.

yuck

omg, it's already recently occurred to me that this party girl thing hasn't gotten old. There is NOTHING attractive about the person I am right now. I make me sick:(

bashing yourself, feeling remorse and guilt wont help at all, let it go

AA - Altered Attitude
NA - New Attitude

I hear that if you don't like what they have to offer you can have back your old life with all the pain and misery at any ole time.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes or Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Kevin

Hi Sarah,
Those feelings you describe are familiar.
When I drank hard stuff it acted as a stimulant and I would often be still awake 24 hrs later.

I agree with Carol's point.
If it's "partying" but it's followed by guilt then maybe you should rethink what's really going on.
Is it more like self-medicating for example?

I love my 9 & 11 year old babies too, but part of my story is knowing how close I came to crossing a line and losing custody of them. Now I guard my sobriety closely, knowing that I'm the father they deserve to have.

It's not too late for you to choose sobriety and be the mother you want to be.

Maybe your disease of addiction makes you sick. Those 12 steps will save you and then some.


Its a serious disease leading to death or insanity for most.

Kevin