Aysha

Hope your doing OK..Just thinking about you.

Anna

I've been thinking about you too Beth.

I hope you have time to check in and let us know how you're doing!

Hope

I hope you are well.
Thinking of you, Beth.
(...)

Alive

Me too...you have a wonderful life in front of you Beth


with friendship, Karim

CarolD

(+) (+) (+)
Hugs and Prayers for you Beth

Change4life

Hello!!!

You know you guys are the best. I came home from work feeling down and depressed. The fair is a way to make money, but I should quit. I havent gone over the edge but I havent been staying clean either. I was feeling strong enough to work there , but something unexpected happened Sunday and I fell back into the I dont care mode.
My ex who has remained one of my closest friends stopped by Sunday morning. Things did not go well betwen us. We ended up having an arguement. No need to get into the details, but I ended up really really upset. Upset to the point of my leaving a message to never call me again. Which was completely stupid because thats the last thing I want. I am still deeply in love and i probably shouldnt be cause it just doesnt work anymore, but for me feelings of my heart have always outweighed what my head tells me.

Sunday Morning was just really sucky. I cried in the shower missed the bus came back home and ended up riding my bike to work crying the entire time because all the doubts I have about trying to give life another chance overwhelmed me.
I was feeling highly self destructive and even though I was late I found myself at the liquor store buying beer and went looking for drugs and got high before I went to my stand.

I sat with the friggin sheep, goats and cows crying on and off all day.
I miss the relationship my ex and I use to have, I miss my dad, I miss school, I hate where i live. Im worried about court and probation blah blah blah.

Anyway I am feeling down I get home and Im locked out roomie has a female over and locked the top lock so I couldnt get in. Finally got him to open the door still Feeling like absolutely nobody cares and I log on and see the bfree thread. The fridge is loaded with beer and I was going to make a major dent in it, but coming here and seeing you guys asking about me made getting drunk seem totally useless.

I dont know. One minute I am like... whats the point of trying to stay sober and the next I am thinking what is the point of getting high and or drunk.

Im just glad to hear from you guys Im definetly falling back into the negative zone since my Sunday arguement. I cant imagine life without the one and only true love in my life. I am feeling really, really D
O
W
N.
TRISH, ANNA, HOPE4LIFE, KARIM, and CAROL. I have been thinking about you also. I hope the four of you are doing well. 2Stop and Cyberwolf I hope you are doing well also.

I feel like I am making an exceptance speech and I dont have enough time to mention everyone that has been here for me.
I HOPE EVERYONE HERE AT SR ARE DOING WELL!!!!!!!!!
**********{HUGS TO YOU ALL}}}}}}
Love and huge hugs,
Beth

Dee74

Huh ? oh just saw the rest LOL.

OK jokes aside....sorry you're feeling down, beth...I'm kinda wistful myself thinking of times gone by...but we're always here OK...and we're better than a fridge full of beer !!

D

Change4life

The fair is really not a good place for me to be, but I am getting stronger and staying away from the stands where I know the drugs are running freely.
Im hanging in there.
I really love the jobs. Something about working with the animals is very relaxing.

stone

Hi Beth, hang in there hun

IO Storm

Beth..

There's drugs at the fair?

I'm still freaken naive at times...

Yep..just keep hanging out with us...

I was feeling pretty (D) too until I saw my Where's IO thread!

My hearts with ya Beth...

You have a lot of bad stuff to deal with on a daily basis..

I don't know what I would do facing your challenges.

Stay on SR..

It's a lifesaver.

Love,

IO

Change4life

The thought of ending it all pemanently crosses my mind more often than i car to admit, but I just keep taking one day at a time and try to focus on what I can do instead of giving up
So much BS to deal with makes getting cean and staying that way seem immpossible.
Im trying to work on solutions even though im taking baby steps I am getting better slowly.
My problem is that i find where I am unbearable unless I am feeling numb.
The first course of ACTION IS TO GET OUT. Atleast I know that I just dont know when I will have the resources to ifnd my own place and financially maintain it. I stay out of here as much as possible. That is why I first got the job at the fair. i also think I decided to travel with them to the next show. It isnt far. i would have to take off work, but the $ makes it worth it. i could use to get away from here for a few days.

CarolD

See if this has info you can use...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/s...vinghomes.html

Onwardd Beth

Dee74

(((beth)))
D

Change4life

So far I have been hanging in there. when the fair first started I felt like a kid in a candy store, but that wore off quick. I am finally more concernd with making money and moving than getting high.
Today when I got to the fair i felt like being my usual non thinking self, went right out to the stand where all the drugs are coming out of and put in my order. Before the stash came through what I think to be the most amazing thing happened. I was checkig all the animal pens and thought their was something wrong with one of the sheep, but when I took a better look I realized 2 hoofs were coming out of her. No one ever bothered to tell me she was pregnant. Anyway I ran to get help because even though I thought i knew what to do I didnt want to take any chances. One of my co workers came and pulled the little lamb right out.
I stood there and watched a lamb pop out of its mother and in a split second their was a new life standing before me needign me to care for it. it was really beautiful and moving. something about watching that made me feel very different. I never did go pick up the drugs and didnt even call them back to tell them I wasnt coming it just seemed so unimportant in the realm of things.
Their was something about watching that birth that made everything about my life, and life in general different.
I work again tommarrow and can only hope that feeling doesnt go away, and i can make it throug h another day without using.

nogard

(((beth)))