I've been away so long

Old 06-25-2007, 10:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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I've been away so long

I'ts been over a year I guess since I've been on this site. I had my last drink early Sunday morning. Every Monday in June, I've said I'm done and by Friday I'm at the bar and binge drinking all weekend. I turned 40 this month and thought for sure I would be done - Wrong.

I hate alcohol, I hate who I am today, I'm ashamed at my actions while drunk. I feel hopeless. I admit, I've never really truly committed to AA. I've gone in the past, but don't really work the program or stick with it. Up until today, I really truly thought I could keep my lifestyle ( the bars, drinking friends) and not drink. For me, I can't. I just didn't get it and I'm so afraid come the weekend - I'll forget just how bad it gets after just one beer. I'm suppossed to go for an assessement today ( I took off work - depressed after this last weekend drinking episode) for outpatient treatment. Based on the quick phone assessment - they said I would intensive outpatient - 3 nights a week for 3 hours - then after a two monnths - maybe 1 time a week.

Has anybody done outpatient? What is it like? Do you think AA is just as good?

I am a weekend binge drinker. And truthfully, the only reason I generally don't drink during the week is I know I can't stop at one. Heck, I've been on ReVia the last month and still drinking.

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Old 06-25-2007, 10:12 AM
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Glad you are trying again...

I did not do outpatient
so can't share on that.

However..since the weekends
are your drinking periods
why not spend them in AA?

And this time do the work..

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Old 06-25-2007, 10:21 AM
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Hi and Welcome back,

I'm glad you are ready to live a sober life.

Whatever program you choose to follow, it will take a lot of work and motivation. But, it will be rewarding always.
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Old 06-25-2007, 11:42 AM
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Hi glad you came back..
I havent been to outpatient or AA.
But I am sure you willl find what suits you.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:55 PM
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Well, I met with an intake person and have signed on for outpatient. They also want me to go to AA meetings. I guess I could just go to AA, but I really need to learn how to live a new life - sober without booze and I have no idea how to do that. I cannot imagine a life without the bars, being able to get drunk and forget your troubles for a while etc.
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Old 06-25-2007, 03:08 PM
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Hugs! I have just returned as well. I'm glad you signed on for outpatient, that will already help you feel better today, just having made a step toward recovering. I REALLY understand the shame, hopelessness & self-hatred you are feeling. I've been going through that myself over the past few days, and it really sucks. I actually feel a little better today (day 3) and I know each day it will get easier.

One thing I wanted to share with you, I was sober & went to AA for a year (been out for 3). In that time, I did work the 12 steps and it really helped me that year. Although there were a bunch of things within the meetings that I never quite grew comfy with, I did learn a lot from them, and the way I look at it now, is although I relapsed for a period of time, I obviously learned something in that year that brought me back this time, and I am thankful for it, because that sober year was much happier than the past 3!

AA is not for everyone, all the time, but if you decide to do it, remember-- you can make it YOUR OWN program. You can pick your own sponsor, and you can decide whether or not it is a "good fit". If not, pick another! People do it all the time. There are no hard-fast rules except to not drink, and it sounds like you don't want to. If you decide to go, keep your mind open. Not everyone there may impress you or hold your viewpoint, but that's ok. What they tell you isn't LAW, but rather guidelines to help you. Take what helps you and leave the rest.

There are also alternatives to AA, or you can use as many methods as you like together, including AA--whatever keeps you from drinking and makes you feel better. I've been checking out the "Secular" forum board on this site. There is also something I've been looking at for myself called the SMART program.

I found before that for "weak" times, like the weekend, making a solid plan to stay away from those places & people really helps. If not meetings (and they schedule bunches of them on Friday, Sat, Sun because there are LOTS of people who drink only on weekends), then maybe activities, visit a friend, go out of town, go to the park, anything that keeps you away from the bar or wherever the alcohol is. That's what I'll be doing too!

I wish you luck & hope you feel better!
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Old 06-25-2007, 03:33 PM
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I guess I could just go to AA, but I really need to learn how to live a new life
AA DOES teach you how to learn how to live a new life. The only step that mentions alcohol is Step One.
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Old 06-25-2007, 03:40 PM
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Glad you're back.

I am currently going to outpatient. It is really helping me. I am getting a lot out of it but I've found that people have to put something in it to get something out of it.

Take this opportunity. Open your mind and go in there ready to learn. You will get some valuable tools to help you.

Going to AA meetings is good also. I recommend both to give yourself a better chance.

This can be the time you do this. You don't have to keep going back down the road of drinking. It only gets worse as it is progressive.

This can be a great new start for you. You are not on this road alone.
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Old 06-25-2007, 03:47 PM
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Like Hope, I recommend both for a while, I went to inpatient, then outpatient and AA, I still practice the steps everyday. I know in my heart of hearts I would be lost if I didn't.

Good luck, Cathy
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Old 06-25-2007, 04:05 PM
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Hi brdlvr

Glad to see you back and ready for changes for the better.
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