insanebrain

well i got hammered friday while mowing because it was hot,yeah right. i was blacked out for hours before i finally passed out. i cannot deal with this rollercoaster ride anymore. i am depressed and full of self hate. when i want to drink there is no calling someone because i want to do what i want to do. but i dont want to live like this anymore. death seems the easier option, but i cant seem to do that right either. i am tired of the struggling, and the battle that wages within me on a daily basis. i dont want it to be hard, i dont want to have to fight the voice of this disease everyday. its exhausting and i am so tired. im thinking of asking the dr for antabuse so i simply cant indulge when i think i want to. does anyone have experience with that? i feel like a loser, like i will never be able to get my life right. please please somebody i need your experience, strength, and hope. once the desire to drink is in my brain i have lost the battle, how do i keep it away? thanks in advance for anything you might share with me

CarolD

(((Hugs)))
Many of us had difficulties finding a
solid happy sobriety.

Antabuse? Yes I did take it for awhile.
Then I drank with it...1 split of champagne
.OMG it was simply horrible.
So I quit the antabuse as it made me ill....

If you do begin it
be aware of the after life and of all
the dangers Be sure and go for the liver
tests necessary as antabuse can adversly
impact liver enzymes.

I did finally quit...and without any drugs
4 months later.

I used the info from this book

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Added God and AA
and have not had a drink since.

You too can find a healthier life

Aysha

I use to get urges and cllaing someone was the last thing I was about to do. I wasnt going to sabotage myself. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do. But hey..When you wanna get ...You dont want nothing standing in your way.
But death should never be an option.
There is alot of support and info here.
All types of recovery options as well.
Hang in ther. Lokk around and hope to see you posting some more.

GlassPrisoner

Insane, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no magic pill.

Sobriety ,and recovery especially, take work. Lots of it.

But it's worth it.

tek33brs

I know picking up that phone was the hardest part for me and i do remember the insanity of it. I visit those memories often of when i could not stop drinking/using and yet i wanted so desperately so stop. I was betewwn a rock and a hard spot. I remember contemplating suiside but could not do that either. My first few days in recovery were terrible but never as bad as my days out drinking. Recovery to hell for awhile but it does get better. Amazing things will happen for you in recovery. Hang in there and NEVER give up.
Holley

IO Storm

You are the absolute perfect candidate for Alcoholics Anonymous!

"The only requirement for AA membership is the (desire) to

stop drinking."

You don't have to worry about "sobering up" first.

You don't have to be concerned with what you wear, look like,

or smell like.

You do not have to "clean up your act."

You do not have to have a belief system...most of us were

unable to believe anything at all when we came to recovery.

Folks just like you await to help you through these tough early

days..and if you like it..you just might stay...

"the only requirement is the desire..."

My best to you..


IO

sonas

Hi insanebrain. I know that insane feeling, but are you doing yourself any favours by calling yourself insane? If you believe that you're insane then your alcoholism will use that belief to do some insane drinking.
When I first went to aa I was in turmoil and conflict in myself and was beating myself up for being a loser. They told me I was being too hard on myself. That makes sense to me now. You have to give yourself a break and let some light in.

I am only at the end of day 3. I might sound really positive. I am trying to be positive and think and behave my way to success.
But believe me, every so often, I am still tasting that last bottle and I keep putting it out of my head, because I have to believe that it will go away eventually...

Try to stay away from activities that are going to stress you out and trigger cravings.
Let the grass grow for a few weeks.

Grateful Heart

Hi Insanebrain, I've been sober 14 days as of today...the longest I've went without a drink in over 20 years. The only one keeping me sober is my HP. I was never able to quit for this long on my own willpower....4 days was always my limit. After that 4 days I'd be thinking of nothing but getting drunk. I still occasionally have thoughts of drinking, but somehow I just can't do it. I pray every morning for God to continue to guide me and have me do His will..so far it's working. My AA group helps alot too

parentrecovers

we admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugs and our lives had become unmanagable.

step one, insanebrain, step one.

blessings, k

insanebrain

i think i WILL let the grass grow thank you, i am still laughing!!!!!! yes i am too hard on myself, and ive known for a very long time im powerless over alcohol. today was a day i couldve drank(very tough day at work) but i chose not to and to check in with you fine people. thanks for the uplift, the reminders and the wonderful laughs bless you all-tammy

IO Storm

Best to you back Tammy...