thiskidknows

Failure is printed on my head...all day I've kept myself busy, cleaning, posting, ironing, washing, reading don't let myself think. I get one phone call from my ex and i'm back on the drinking I can't face him with out drink. I can't deal with him. I'm home on my own, there's no one around no one to call so I just have to wait. I can't give up drinking, I'm a failure everyone was right. I give up. Sorry take care this is a place for successors not failures like me. Sorry.

BigSis

You are not a failure... you are on a path. Recovery is a process, not a destination.

So you have some awareness about what happens to you when you get calls from your ex.

So how about some brain storming about how to deal with it next time?

1. Let the phone machine get it.
2. Take the phone off the hook when you expect his call.
3. Have numbers for local AA folks on hand to call if he DOES get through to you.
4. Know where a local meeting is and attend as often as you can.
5. Get some AA speaker cds and listen to them instead of his phone messages.
6. Play a game with yourself about how many days can you go without contact with him.
7. Flush the booze.
8. Take a nap.
9. Call someone - even an emergency hotline.



(((LostChild)))

parentrecovers

why don't you just not take his calls?

(by the way, i am a mom of an alcoholic and one thing i know for about her drinking - i don't cause it)

blessings, throw the booze away if you can today.

k

Anna

Yes, you can give up drinking.

And, don't answer his calls if you have caller ID. If you don't, hang up if it's him.

You have far more control of your life than you think you do.

caileesnana

The first time I didn't answer one the "the calls" I actually felt empowered, felt good. Try it!

Live

I know you read alot and see a therapist. Didn't you have an appmt today?

I am impressed with your reading list and your reviews!

But I wonder if you might pick up an entertainment novel....something to distract you that you can get lost in and enjoy. I use mystery novels when I need to sort of check out and see if I can figure it out like a puzzle before the end.

thiskidknows

I have called ID on my mobile, but he's got clever and now withholds he's number...i have to answer unknown numbers cause if I don't I get the police calling round my house, so I can't win. I know I should hang up, I shouldn't let him get to me. I did have counselling today, and it was difficult which is why I was trying to keep myself busy. I've already drank 6 pints why can't I jsut deal with things in a normal way. I didn't go out so i wouldn't drink but still I drink. I don't go to AA or have anyone to call.

parentrecovers

can you get to aa?

Dee74

sounds like this guy is kinda toxic, LC....but if he's your ex, don't you have the right to hang up on him, or not let him in ? (heck, you'd have that right if he was still your bf !)

D

thiskidknows

I don't know, I don't have the confidence to go. I have panic attacks in large groups and I don't know where any are. I don't htink I'm alcholic but my physicatrist thinks I have a tendancy to be one as I drink 100+ units a week and by midday get the shakes. I don't know anymore. I always set myself up to fail

parentrecovers

there are solutions lost child. you just have to make up your mind you want to get better..

blessings, k

Anna

Try to think about what you can do, rather than what you can't do.

If you keep believing you will never move forward in your life, then you never will.

MissKittyLuvs

Can you block his number from your phone?

Do you have any friends/family you can call after you talk with him? Someone that knows the situation and can help get you through your craving?

Please, find an AA meeting ... there are some meetings that have a small number of people attending ... look for those and sit there and listen. You don't have to talk.

God Bless.

nogard

(((lc))) you can try AA for 3 months and then if you don't like it give it up.

Kevin

GlassPrisoner

That's good advice. LC, you'd be surprised how different things look after even 90 days in AA.

Lollipop

((((LC)))))

Listen, we all have been influenced by outside (or inside) things that arise, BUT they CAN be overcome!!!! I know the anxiety and panick attacks ALL too well, get to an online meeting to start....they really do help (at least for me they did and do) pm me, Ill meet you in one, you can talk about your worries and probs without leaving the house. Meanwhile, work on ridding yourself of the things that are toxic to you... keep up with your doc. and think about what it is that YOU need!!!!

We are all here hun! Keep posting...you are NOT alone!

~HUGS!~ Liss

Live

AH! Therapy always stirs thing up, eh?

I would have to go home, get in bed and get lost in a book and get lots of sleep.

Therapy is hard work and very draining! Also made me feel far more vulnerable.

Aysha

I dont know what I can say to you LC.
I hope you find some peace in your life.
You are such a special person with alot to offer and very talented with words.
I wish you could see what I see just from reading your posts.
And your one wish thread.
I wish I could do the same for you.
We are all here for you.

luv2all

If you can't stay away from alcohol, then it's a pretty good indication that you have an alcohol problem! I speak from experience! I, too, suffered with anxiety and panic attacks, thanks to my low-to-no self-esteem. But I forced myself to go to meetings, because I wanted to change the awful way I was living. I didn't have to speak at any of the meetings if I didn't want to. Just say you'd rather listen! No one will faint or BOOOOO you if you say this.

At my very first meeting, I heard a man say that if I wanted sobriety and the good life, then I must be willing to go to any lengths to get it!! It was always "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink!!!" But nothing ever got better. In fact, continued drinking makes it progressively worse.

Please, please think well of yourself and that you are worth the good life. You can make it happen. I hope you'll keep coming back here to share with all of us, because we sure care about you and I hope you'll keep us posted about your AA meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous is in the phone book and you can find out where and what time the closest meeting is. May God give you the strength and courage to call and then attend!

Luv

chicago

if i had a dollar for everytime someone called me a failure id be a rich man. evidently they were wrong even though i thought so too at the time. living in an alley stealing food to survive and being a heroin addict will do that to you. now im a broker for the biggest bank in the country. some food for thought about what fully committing to AA can do for people.