I need help!!!
 

The guy I live with is a complete A******. Dont get me wrong I appreciate him letting me stay here, but that doesnt give him the right to verbally abuse me.
The son of a bitch told me to f myself cause I wouldnt wash his back when he was in the shower. I told him no and asked him if he was five, asked him to please shut the door cause no one wants to see that (him naked).

News bulletin for him I never have washed his friggin back and never will.

This guy thinks he is getting sex and he is so far off base it isnt funny. I dont pay half the rent, but I also dont have my own room or any private space at all. I give him $ and buy my own food and I am not a *****.

He got me so upset I found myself with my hand in the ice tray ready to grab some cubes to put into a nice strong drink. He has scotch here and I hate scotch, but it is booze and will do the trick.

I threw the cubes in the sink and decided to come right here instead.

I cant drink and I am finally feeling good and not going to let him and his misery bring me down.

If anyone reads this and has anything to help me reinforce the not drinking mode please help me.

Trying to bfree,
Beth

Read your sig line.................

****{hugs}}}

It's easier said than done, I know.
Using, drinking will make it all worse though, we never really escape the pain. It always catches up with us.always.

Beth,

You know that's the wrong solution.

You need to get away from that living arrangement and find a place of your own. Is there any way you can do that?

I need to find more work ASAP.
Not only is he an ******* he is schizo, he came back home and is acting like nothing happenned. He might be use to that kind of relationship or friendships, but I am not.

The scotch is his, but I feel like pouring it right down the drain just the same.

Let him go f himself.

go look for more work tomorrow and dont let him p*ss you off. Just ignore anything he says while he's drinking. Your "booze talking" part of your brain will eat at you and tell you it's ok to just say **** it, but dont!!!!!! Fight back. Get more work, and get out of there. I wish you the best. :hug:

Don't let the bast*rd wear you down!!!

What makes his abuse so unacceptable is that he isnt even drinking.

When he drinks he is unbearable, when he is sober he is just a smuck.

Tommarrow I am going to work on updating my resume, and hopefully some one will find it in their hearts to hire a friggin crackhead alcoholic.

I miss working and miss having my on place.

meanwhile I am getting really pissed cause I was gonna go to my first movie in almost 3 years or more and my friend who is unaware of what is going on between roomie and I is hanging outside with him playing cards, and I was just informed he is now going with us.

Im highly pissed cause the only reason my friend wants him to go also is cause they want a ride home later cause they are so friggin lazy.

I think i will let them go and I will stay home and read.

I can got to the movie tommarow by myself. Its bargain night anyway plus I will have a better time if I go alone than with the 2 of them.

I feel extremely betrayed right now cause my friend doesnt know the extent of the problems I have been having with Jon, but they know I dont want to be anywhwere near him.
The 2 of them are outside playing cards and joking around.

I can hear them through the window and I am starting to boil.

I am boiling like to the point of Head exploding off the shoulders boiling MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heard in meetings all the time..

"if you hang around a barber shop long enough...eventaully you're
going to get a hair cut"

okay...just so you think I'm not preaching at ya or just throwning
stuff at ya...
I had a bad..bad..bad gambling problem..As long as I was hang around
my gf when she was gambling....I ended up gambling eventaully.
Once I start..it's was a pain in the ass to stop.

**********{beth}}}}}}}

I KNOW that kind of anger..oh boy d I! yikes......try and take some deep breathes, and remember YOUR sanity and YOUR peace of mind is far more important to be focusing on. That ain't easy at first to focus on, our own control.we just wanna get up in that face and show em what the hell kinda smuck they really are, and By G-d WE'll showm em a thing or two.........and then we feel worse, and our head hurts, or we justify using/drinking to calm down, or we don't justify at all.....old habits die hard, I have lost sobriety mainly when I was nagry just like you describe.

Try and breathe sweetie.........slow, deep......calm.

************{Encouraging Hugs}}}}}}}}}

I'm on YOUR isde, we all are, so ya got support, just try and relax what ya can k?

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
I know it can make you sick to your stomach.
Be strong and work on getting out of there.
It may take some time.
But it will be well worth it.
I wish there was something I could do for you.

beth...I am so worried for you right now...SO many triggers *and* the sleazy BS...please, do whatever you can, within reason, to get out of there ASAP...

but while you're there...please I know you're strong...don't let your situation talk you into relapsing...no answers there, and it will make it harder for you to get out and start that new life

D

Hi Beth, stay strong hun. Wash his back!? OMG! Just dont pick up a drink for god's sake, you remember the pain of the withdrawals? I know you do!

Illegitimi Non Carborundum-dont let the ba$tards grind you down!

I took a deep breathe and left the house. I wanted to confront him, but it just isnt worth my energy.

never made the movie and my friend didnt help in my sobriety. I picked up.
I only had a few and realized like what the hell am I doing??

He is so not worth it, and said friend is now on the people to avoid list. I am going to talk to him today and tell him I love him, but I cant be with someone that doesnt support this very important effort. The most important thing I will do in my life.

Not exactly a job I will need my college education for, but the pizza place by me needs a dishwasher on weekends. Doesnt sound glamorous, but it will pay enough for me to move out. I hope I get it. I can always keep looking for a better job, but I will take anything for now just to get my sanity. With the 2 PT jobs I should be oK.

Cant wait to pack up the cat and fly, fly, fly, away from here and I aint looking back!!!!!!!!!

****************{Beth}}}}}}}}}

Hi Beth

Big Hugs, How are things now? I really hope that you get something sorted regarding work so you can get he H*ll out of there. Don't worry about the movie, there will be plenty more you can see, just loook after yourself.

CW
X

Im over the movie. Back to priorities.

Work as much as possible and save ,save,save.

Time to start fousing on me!! My health, well being, and sobriety.

It will take some work, but I know I can do this if I dont lose the focus I need to put on myself.

hUgs,
Beth

good to see you're back on track, Beth !
D

thanks dee

Hi Beth.. Just noticed your post and wanted to pop in and see what is going on. I am sorry you are having to deal with all the BS from your roomate. It shouldn't be this way at all! Do you think you could find an evening shift at a warehouse or something? Most of those jobs pay pretty decent and if you work full time, you can get the health benefits and such. Atleast you would have steady job to keep you focused and hopefully things will just fall in to place for you. Have you tried an employment agency to see if they have any good paying jobs?
(((((((((hugs))))))))) Stay strong!!

I hope you get yourself out of that situation ASAP. No one on this planet should be abused unless it is done by oneself, then there is no one else to blame but...

Good luck and stay strong...

Working on getting a job, thinking the night shitis a good idea. Ill be out of the house away from him and I can save my penneies ans move.

how's today panning out, Bf ?
D

wow..i only saw this now....he should see you deserve a lot more...if he could look outside of his world...anyway what matters is you are ok..you know my mom always tells me a saying....the dogs bark and the car passes, it means mouths talk and we still have a life to live and we don't stop living because of what people do or say..i believe that!we don't have to lose our energy with people that can't give us something...

I hope you can move soon........you deserve a safe and sane place to call home.

Sending Love & Light your way......hang in there.

Ive been talking to one of our customers at work. he had mentioned there might be an apartment available where he lives soon. Its kind of far from my job and where iI live now, but it is something I might be able to afford even on my meager wages.
Anyway he came in to the store today and asked how I was doing. i told him I was looking for another PT job cause I am in desperate need of more $.
He didnt mention anything about the apartment, but he told me 3 of the women at his job either quit or got fired and asked if I might be interested in getting a job there.
I told him absolutely yes. He gave ne his bosses name and number. I called this aftternoon and he told me to fax my resume and he would see what he could do for me. It isnt definite, but it looks pretty good. It would be FT so maybe just maybe I can get the hell out of here real soon. I absolutley hate the SOB im staying with. He is just plain nasty, disgusting. He isnt anything like i thought he was when we first met.
We have been fighting like crazy cause I have had it with his **** and he realizes sex is never gonna happen so he is tired of me.
Now that I am getting some clarity and have more control he hates it. he likes to think he is in control or in charge. the dumb f liked me better when I was high all the time and that makes me sick. Why would someone like watching someone else self destruct
Im not into guys all that much anyway, so being around a nasty old man has been a complete horror for me.
I cant wait to get out of here.
Please pray for me so i can finally get some peace of mind and work on sobriety.
Next on the agenda is putting all my legal problems behind me and getting my butt back in school, something else he is against. I am only 18 credits away from my BA and he doesnt want me to go back F him.
He needs to find someone else to destroy I am tired of being a human door mat for him to wipe his feet on.
Its time for me to take control and I am finally figuring out that I cant get control of myself till i stop using. Painful as it might be

Get away from that stupid b-----!!

I just hate it when people treat people badly. I have such atemper I do not know

what I would do to him..too many flasbacks from the past.

There must be another way bfree other than drinking or using again to numb out.

The problem will still be there. he will still be there.

Keep your wits about you so you can move ahead.

I am so proud of you for sticking to yer guns and not letting him browbeat you

into sex!

Much Love,

IO

Hi Beth! It sounds like your a** of a roomate wants control of you and wants you to be/feel as low as himself. Pretty sad but I have a feeling this is all happening for a reason. It's good that he is being an a** to some extent because it will hopefully get you out of there and you will make something better of your life! :) I wish you the best of luck on the job opening!! :)

Beth, even if you end up in a single room in a boarding house, it's better than living with someone like your current roomie. I hope you get that job and get the heck out of that dude's house. Hang in there...