crayola

It's hard realizing that even though I never blacked out, threw up, got a DUI, had problems at work, etc. - the emotional dependency runs so very deep. Made five days without any physical withdrawal signs at all and felt great, then got into the "weekend terror"; you know, feeling that the alcohol is the only thing that makes the weekend fun? Didn't get stinking drunk, but I rarely did. I'd planned to go out Saturday night to an art event but opted to stay home & drink, so now I'll probably lie to my friends who ask me how it was. The scary thing is I can feel myself slipping from being a functional alcoholic to a not-quite so functional. A few weeks ago I went to the grocery store (literally a block from my house) after having a drink. I never never ever went anywhere public after drinking before - I'm the original secret drinker...
I seem to have an infinite capacity for thinking myself back into drinking. For all the self-hate it engenders, I can be merrily sober and still manage to convince myself I need to drink. Last year I went 100 days with SR's help, then fell back again. How do you measure emotional bottom?

GlassPrisoner

It's different for everyone. But, you'll know when you get there.

Sounds like your disease is progressing.

stone

Cliche time!

The elevator goes all the way down, it is up to you when you get off.

Sorry, I have been going to AA and I am full of cliches! A lot of them make sense though. The idea of rock bottom is not one I am sure I understand. Some people may have no 'bottom' and just drink themselves to death. I didn't end up on the streets but I think I reached a sort of bottom, but if I pick up a drink I will find another even worse 'bottom'.
I think when the pain of drinking is worse than the pain of staying sober you get pretty motivated to stay sober.

Dee74

I think that has to be a personal measurement, crayola...makes no sense for someone else to tell you where your bottom is...pardon the unintended double entendre...for mine, when drinking starts impacting signifigantly on your life, I'd say you're definitely heading southward....personally, bottom was realising I had no life beyond drinking...and didn't much care.

D

indigo

When you reach it you know you're there.JMO.

INDIGO

crayola

"The elevator goes all the way down, it is up to you when you get off."
Thanks for that one - cliche' or not that's the first time I'd heard it - very apt and very scary/thought provoking! I was convincing myself that functional alcoholism is a different elevator than the regular alcoholic elevator but you're right, they both lead to the same place and I really don't want to make that whole trip!

(and thank you Dee for starting my day with a giggle - yeah, I've got one bottom I'd like to lose a bit of LOL). Impacting my life, double yes to that! I'm starting day one today and resolving to make a jounal. I did that last year when I went 100 days (actually the journal pre-dated the sobriety but tied into it a bit - anyone else relate to "The Artist's Way"? The opening chapter has quite a bit of useful info on sobriety, creativity and spirituality). One thing I'm going to use my journal for is documenting some of the dumb things I did when drinking and some of those self-hating night thoughts when I woke up at 3am after a binge. Maybe that will be a good reference point for when I start being tempted and thinking "boy, drinking was so much fun, I want to go back and do it again"!

Thank God for SR - you folks mean more to me than I can say!

parentrecovers

we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. step one, crayola...step one.....

blessings, k

f911

It only gets worse.

jane

Grateful Heart

Have you ever tried AA, crayola? I've started going to the meetings and I really like them. I'm on day 7 of sobriety and I don't think I could have made it this long without AA.

Aysha

For me there is no bottom..Like stone said.
I keep going to the next extreme everytime I relapse.
Sooner or later my final bottom will be 6 feet under.
You dont have to reach bottom to know when to get yourself right.
You seem to be aware of your addiction and know that it is becoming a problem.
That is good and reaching out like you are is even better.
Dont test how far bottom goes.
You know what you need to do.
I'll be thinking of you.

Surlyredhead

Exactly, there really is no bottom, once you get there the bottom falls out to yet another low. I quit drinking when I realized that death was the next step and I was dangerously close to that. I had already lost everyone and everything I cared about, including myself, my heart and soul, they were like empty balloons in the gutter...and I didn't care!!!
When I woke up on that fateful morning, the morning I was going into treatment, I was so empty, tired....I mean completely exhausted (to tired to even be scared, I was like a robot functioning on auto pilot), and sick, I knew this was my last chance, either quit or die. It took the two sickest weeks I ever had to come out of the fog and realize I was going to live. Long story short....here I am, Sober and very much alive...living, instead of existing....and more Grateful than words can say.

If you feel like using, come here first, there is always someone here to listen, once Sobriety gets a hold of you, I mean Really gets a hold of you.....it will feel as if the clouds parted and a ray of Sun is shining down just for you!!!

Cathy