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Going to Jail and Lost Girlfriend due to drinking

Old 12-17-2007, 11:31 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Suggestion: it's progressive...........

took me 25 + years to REALLY figure it out.

You're not even that old.

Stay on your toes my friend!

Tom
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Old 12-18-2007, 06:21 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Good luck Paul, glad you got through it all ok. I would probably just add what a few other people have, I've been drinking since I was 13 and I'm 31 now, and if I'd stopped when I was 22 my life would probably be a whole lot better than it is at the moment. And I've been able to work (only lost a couple of jobs), avoid jail/fights, and study - I just keep getting hurt, blacking out, ruining my relationships with people and losing friends because I get too hammered to operate.

Not saying if I had my time again I'd do it any differently, but given the choice - I reckon I could be a lot further along in life and a lot happier if I'd chosen sobriety 10 years ago.

I've accepted that I can't just have one drink, or I'll drink whatever I can get my hands on, so I have chosen to not drink at all.

You may feel that you can have 2 drinks every couple of nights, but I reckon it doesn't take much until you're happily drinking four or five, and then when you start to really enjoy getting your buzz on - that's when the same behaviour that landed you in the slammer's going to come out again, in my opinion.

At any rate, good luck and enjoy yourself, whatever path you choose. If you're not enjoying it, decide if you want to choose another I reckon. And this coming from a dude who's done 3 days sober... lolololol
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Old 12-18-2007, 09:50 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Want to say hi and welcome

So, are you looking at county jail or prison??? If you want to know about either, I can help you with what it's like. My son has been in prison most of the last 10 years. He has been let out on parol twice but went back. If it is prison time I can give you the heads up on what to expect and what not to do.

Just want to help
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Old 12-20-2007, 02:35 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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I hear what you guys are saying but I just don't want to stop it completely so I'm just going to keep it under control. If things start going wrong again maybe I'll think about it differently. Nothing is worth having to go back to jail for.
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Old 01-01-2008, 06:37 PM
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I know guys I,m going through pretty much the same

Here's my story guys ..

I started drinking and smoking pot at 14-15

By 17 I was taking xtc,speed,rohypnol,lsd

I went on like that till 1997 but I stopped drinking when I was 17 also

I was married to a beautiful italian girl and had 2 children with her

And in 1994-1995 I started drinking again because I started getting panic and
anxiety attacks thanks to all the substances I had been taking and became
and alcoholic and in 1999 I lost my girl of 9 years thanks to my behaviour from alcohol

And then I started drinking about 1 and a half of cask wine everyday non stop
to help me deal with my loss but I still cried like a baby everyday and then I got into trouble while in a blackout and landed myself in a cell

I would have been sent to jail for 15 months but the judge said if I completed
a 12 month rehab program everything would have been sweet

plus since the breakup I was living with my family and drove them nuts with
my heavy drinking

I did 13 months of intense rehab and by finishing the program they would give you a housing commission in villawood without being on a waiting list and I
was so happy and sober

I ended up doing a pc hardware course in tafe and got the best job I ever had ever, working in a computer company fixing computers ( my passion )

everything was excellent and I was working there for 3 months and then
everything went to s*#t

while I was at work my flat got broken into by my next door heroin neighbours
that I found out from another neighbour who said my window was broken

I raced home from work to discover all my computers.. christmas presents for
my kids and other electronics all gone

and because my window was broken I didnt leave the flat, firstly because I
didnt have anyone to mind my place for me while I was at work waiting for housing commision to fix my window which they could have taken more of my
goods they didn't take

I had to stay for 3 days and I lost my job because of it

So what did I do .. went across the road and started drinking again ..

I was single at the time but was confident I could have and hold a serious
relationship

And after this just happened a miracle happened to me

as I was across the road eating fish and chips and I bumped into a girl I haven't since 1988 and I had the biggest crush on her at high school and
she was going out with one of my close friends so we hung out sometimes
and she had every guy at school after her

But now since I left school that year and haven't seen her until february last year (2007) she now has MS and was in a motorised wheelchair and I freaked
and was trying to build up confidence to speak to her since she wheeled past me and didnt recognise me

I pulled up the courage to go ask her " Is that you jennifer ? " and she looked at me and said " oh my god " and hugged me and we immediately exchanged
phone numbers and she had been living right around the corner from me all this time without us knowing how close we lived together

I invited her over that day on the phone and I was holding a small birthday party for a kid from next door and she said " oh yeh I would love to "

I WAS SO HAPPY and when she arrived I carried her upstairs to flat and guess what ... She brought a bottle of scotch with her for us to drink

And I thought this couldn't get better .. she drinks too !

That night we kissed and I thought WOW it took about close to 20 years but
she is mine .. and I didn't care about the MS ...

3 days later she asked me to move into her housing commission around the corner and be her carer ( and boyfriend ) .. I immediately accepted and I couldn't tell you how high I was in the clouds at this moment

For months we fell in love and asked her to marry me and she said yes

But ..... in those months almost everyday we drank and partied together

and then things went crazy .... She would blackout and abuse me and
slap and punch me for little arguements we had

I put up with it and drank more until I was drinking a cask of wine a day again
and ended up in detox 3 times last year

The fights got worse and so did the drinking for both of us ... and I never started one single fight with her ... Because of all the medications she was on for MS and alcohol and 4monthly steroid treatment she got to give her strength in her legs she would scream and call me things no one ever called me that hurt so deep

One day she would tell me " get out of my house " and the next " I love you more than anyone ever did before

When she was sober she was the most beautiful loving caring person that made me feel so good about myself ... and I cooked .. cleaned .. and basically helped her with everything since being her carer and lover

And even when she was pissed she could also be someone like I never met before

She was also a former model until her legs got worse and I felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have her and she would say the same

Also I know this is getting personal but our most intimate moments were out of this world

But this year she just got worse and worse and every second day she would
say its not going to work out and to move out ... then one or 2 days she would say I can't live without you and no one ever loved and cared for her
like that before

At this stage people around me were telling me to leave her

But I couldn't because of fear I would never find someone like her ever again

even though I copped all that abuse

she is angry at the world because of her MS and its not my fault she has it

And she lashes it out on me and her excuse for drinking is because she
has MS

So after all this 1month ago she slapped me and punched me when we were
drinking and when we fight I get angry because I think after everything I do for you so I stick up for myself and fight telling her why are you being like this to me

people said it is fate that we found each other the way we did

anyway as I saying she hit me and because she uses a walking frame to move around if she lets go with one arm and hits me and I quickly grap her hand before it reaches my face her she has no balance and falls ... and she did
and she got on the phone to the police saying I was abusing her and the police arrived and I said to them I dont want to go to jail and I'll grab a knife and slit my throught so they drew their firearms ( about 7 police ) and capiscum sprayed me and charged me with assault..

And then after I was released from overnight and went back to her and she
cried apoligising to me in tears

Then she kicked me out .. left me without a home because I gave up my lucky chance to get one and I'm going to court for assault

can you beleive that .. the police were calling me a wife basher

bullsh**t

I have never layed a finger on her throughout our whole relationship

so now in feb 2008 I have to go court for the 3rd time and find out my
punishment

fair enough I was drinking to .. but I did not assault her .... or intended to

I always remove myself from the bedroom were we spend most of our time
because of the MS to avoid fighting .. and she used to even more cranky

And she broke up with me .. left me homeless ... and broke my heart into
millions of peices

So I moved into my parents house again ... putting up with my mothers violent behaviour and mood swings

and after an arguement with her at christmas she is not speaking to me
either is my son who lives here with them

I have never felt pain.. loss.. hurt .. broken hearted like this and I have
been abusing myself again until I get in detox anyday now

there's obviously more to this story and I will continue later about the
phone calls after the break up and emails ... of the same thing .. I love you ..
then what hurt the most she sms me the other day saying these lips of hers
will be on someone else .... that killed my soul ... then I got another I love you
even after this break up ... I cant stop thinking about her .... I need help and friends ..

I am now on valium and anti-depressants ( that dont even work ) until I get into hospital ....

When I have read all your stories in this forum I just discovered yesterday
It reminded me that I am not the only one

I have no friends calling me ... broke ... and depressed and when I get out
I have to come back to this hole ( parents )

It doesn't seem fair and I have been suicidal but today I feel better by speaking to my story .. so far

Thankyou for listening to anyone that reads this .. and its all TRUE ..

peace to you all

Gilbert
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Old 01-01-2008, 07:01 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Paul84 View Post
I hear what you guys are saying but I just don't want to stop it completely so I'm just going to keep it under control. If things start going wrong again maybe I'll think about it differently. Nothing is worth having to go back to jail for.
I don't get it, you don't want to stop what caused you to lose your relationship and also what put you in jail? You clearly cannot control yourself, and like someone said, this is progressive! I'm 25 so i can relate other than the jail, and i once thought i could control things too, but really you can't. You may be able to while consciously thinking about it, but once you stop doing that you will up things like us all, IMO. How you can spend 4 months in jail (sobriety) to come out and drink is mind numbing. I do not want to come off as a jerk or rude, so please don't take it that way. Alcohol has caused you these extreme problems, yet you continue using it. I dare you to not drink for 2 months, not a sip. If you can't, you're an alcoholic IMO. The fact that you returned to what caused you so much trouble is a red flag in my books. There is no point to drinking, go to a crowded bar some night sober, soak it in. See how much "fun" people really are having. If you can kick it, do it now for yourself. Maybe with enough time and change you can save your relationship which in return is not only helping yourself but your child. Good luck, i wish you the best!!!!

LB
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Old 01-01-2008, 10:41 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Gilbert - welcome - and wow.
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Old 01-02-2008, 03:25 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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thenkyou barb

hi

Nice to meet you

thanx for taking your time reading my story

and as things progress I will keep posting here

peace to you all !


gilbert
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Old 01-11-2008, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Longball1 View Post
I don't get it, you don't want to stop what caused you to lose your relationship and also what put you in jail? You clearly cannot control yourself, and like someone said, this is progressive! I'm 25 so i can relate other than the jail, and i once thought i could control things too, but really you can't. You may be able to while consciously thinking about it, but once you stop doing that you will up things like us all, IMO. How you can spend 4 months in jail (sobriety) to come out and drink is mind numbing. I do not want to come off as a jerk or rude, so please don't take it that way. Alcohol has caused you these extreme problems, yet you continue using it. I dare you to not drink for 2 months, not a sip. If you can't, you're an alcoholic IMO. The fact that you returned to what caused you so much trouble is a red flag in my books. There is no point to drinking, go to a crowded bar some night sober, soak it in. See how much "fun" people really are having. If you can kick it, do it now for yourself. Maybe with enough time and change you can save your relationship which in return is not only helping yourself but your child. Good luck, i wish you the best!!!!

LB
Well I just have a few drinks at the weekend and not during the week and I haven't got into any more trouble since. I know I can't afford to get drunk and into a fight again or I'll be back in jail. I only got into trouble when I went too far after spending the whole night drinking.

The fact that I got through the time in jail without drinking made me realise I didn't need it but liked to have it. As I said I don't drink during the week so if I stick with that I think I have things under control. I know most people here wouldn't agree but it's working for me so far. I had to do a drink awareness course in jail as well so I have thought about this a good bit.
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Old 01-11-2008, 10:33 PM
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Hey Paul!
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Old 01-12-2008, 02:44 AM
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Be very careful

Hi Paul, I'm glad to hear things are going better for you. But be very careful about thinking you can drink just a few and stop. I had almost 6 months of sobriety and starting feeling cocky. I thought I could drink maybe 1 or 2 beers and stop at that. And at first I could. That was in November 2007. By January 2008 I was back to my previous level of drinking: one 12 pack of beer. This truly is a progressive disease. One is too much and a thousand are not enough. Best wishes to you. GH
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Old 01-12-2008, 02:47 AM
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Gilbert - where are you these days?
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Old 01-12-2008, 03:56 PM
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Paul84

I am sorry to hear about your problems, one of the sure signs of an alcoholic is

1. Does your drinking cause problems in your life, with your job, your family or the police

I believe you have all of this issue's, I have also had problems due to drinking and most people on these posts will admit that the reason they have stop drinking is because they have all the same types of issue's.

All you can do at this point is admit to your wrongs, spend your time in jail wisely

- Maybe take some courses, read some books and plan your future without
alcohol

- In one of the other threads there was a discussion about saying sorry to the people we have hurt, most of the group agreed that first we would have to prove to the poeple we have hurt that we no longer drink and get our lives together and than saying sorry would have merit.

In closing I wish you the best of luck and if you do the right thing everything will work out.

Regards,

Rob
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Old 03-19-2008, 03:00 PM
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I know it's a while since I posted here but I've been looking back at what I posted here. Most of the advice was pretty good and I've had a good bit of help since. I quit drinking totally 6 weeks ago and it is the best thing I ever did. I did it because I pulled in a favour to get a job and they only gave me the job on the basis I was going clean and staying out of trouble. Was really hard to get a job with my record so I decided to give it a go and it's been good since then.

I can't believe that I couldn't see what it had done to me with my family, my job, my girlfriend. My Dad died passed away when I was in prison and I had to push to get out for the funeral. On that day when things were so bad for my family - there was I cuffed up and chained to a guard and then taken back to prison without much time to talk to my family. After getting out I was just delighted to be out but thinking back on being in that position and everybody seeing me like that should have told me straight away that I had a problem.

I've been tempted once or twice but have managed to stay off and know I'll be tempted again but I think I've made the decision to clean things up.
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:33 PM
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I know this is an old thread but just came back to the site after years. When I posted first my life was a mess - I had lost my girlfriend and was on my way to prison here in England and it was all down to my drinking.

Now nearly 5 years later I have a new life and am looking forward to the future. I recently passed out from Basic Training with the Army. I always wanted to join but with getting into trouble I thought I never would. But after years waiting I got accepted and here I am.

I'm 27 now and was the second oldest in my Platoon - one of the instructors was younger than me - but I made it through. After all the trouble I had got into I was so proud on the day of passing out. I just wished my Dad who was an Army man could have been there to see it as I know he would have been very proud. One of the worse things about going to prison was the fact that I missed out his last few months and had to go to his funeral under guard. My family were there to see it, my younger brother is an Officer, my Mother too and especially and my 4 year old. I was so happy that I could show Daddy doing something good.

Having to wait nearly 5 years to join and having to work to get fit again and to accept the discipline of training has made me know that this is what I really wanted in life and I just had to wait longer to get it - that makes it feel better.

I was the only one on my platoon who didn't drink and alot of the lads thought that was weird but they accepted it. The only negative thing is that I started back smoking since joining the Army but no one's perfect.

Thanks again to all who gave me good advice when I was going through bad times. Looking back I really do appreciate it.
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:40 PM
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Yet another truly inspiring story Paul....brilliant, I am so pleased for you
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:40 PM
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Wow, what a great post!

I'm so glad you came back and told us how you're doing. Congratulations for following your dream and for your recovery.
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Old 09-21-2012, 02:29 PM
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What a fantastic story

Thanks so much for sharing Paul!

D
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Old 09-21-2012, 02:51 PM
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Great job at getting things together. You will have a life time of good things as a payoff. I am happy for you!
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Old 09-21-2012, 02:52 PM
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