losing my mind
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: desert southwest
Posts: 34
losing my mind
Just a little more than a week ....
Haven't been posting ( job chains me to the computer so extra
curricular keyboarding tends to diminish during the week) - but
I have kept a browser open to the site and been read as I can.
Having all your posts available has been a blessing.
Physically I am slowly feeling much better -- mentally I feel as if
I am going insane. Emotions bouncing all over the place -- one
minute I will feel strong and full of hope, the next I will be sobbing
uncontrollably in the ladies room.
The worst is the overwhelming waves of anxiety (panic attacks???) --
the first one hit in the middle of a presentation at work. I momentarily
stumbled over something (no big deal we all do it) -- and suddenly my
heart was pounding, I could hardly breathe, had to choke out the
words and my legs started shaking so hard I literally could not stand up.
I somehow managed to cover it
(boss said he didn't notice) by leaning casually against a conveniently
located desk --- but inside I was hysterical. Starting to make myself
hysterical over the smallest things ...physically fled from a casual
ceremony full
of people I know yesterday because I started to become hysterical
over walking five feet across a room and picking up a plaque on behalf
of my church (what if my legs started shaking and I couldn't walk? what
if tried to speak and the words wouldn't come out? what if? what if?)
Is this normal? I am by nature a shy person and am never comfortable
with large groups --- but never have I experienced something like this. I
feel like I am losing my mind.
Haven't been posting ( job chains me to the computer so extra
curricular keyboarding tends to diminish during the week) - but
I have kept a browser open to the site and been read as I can.
Having all your posts available has been a blessing.
Physically I am slowly feeling much better -- mentally I feel as if
I am going insane. Emotions bouncing all over the place -- one
minute I will feel strong and full of hope, the next I will be sobbing
uncontrollably in the ladies room.
The worst is the overwhelming waves of anxiety (panic attacks???) --
the first one hit in the middle of a presentation at work. I momentarily
stumbled over something (no big deal we all do it) -- and suddenly my
heart was pounding, I could hardly breathe, had to choke out the
words and my legs started shaking so hard I literally could not stand up.
I somehow managed to cover it
(boss said he didn't notice) by leaning casually against a conveniently
located desk --- but inside I was hysterical. Starting to make myself
hysterical over the smallest things ...physically fled from a casual
ceremony full
of people I know yesterday because I started to become hysterical
over walking five feet across a room and picking up a plaque on behalf
of my church (what if my legs started shaking and I couldn't walk? what
if tried to speak and the words wouldn't come out? what if? what if?)
Is this normal? I am by nature a shy person and am never comfortable
with large groups --- but never have I experienced something like this. I
feel like I am losing my mind.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Yes, in my opinion this is very normal.
My emotions were all over the place. I had been numbing my emotions for several years and not dealing with any of the stuff in my life. When I stopped drinking, there it was, all staring me in the face, and I didn't know how to cope with normal emotions. I think it will lessen as time goes by. I never felt comfortable in large groups or with people that I don't know and that hasn't changed since I stopped drinking. The thing is, now I know I don't have to drink just so I do feel comfortable. I'd rather feel the genuine emotion of discomfort and try to deal with it than drink to get through it.
My emotions were all over the place. I had been numbing my emotions for several years and not dealing with any of the stuff in my life. When I stopped drinking, there it was, all staring me in the face, and I didn't know how to cope with normal emotions. I think it will lessen as time goes by. I never felt comfortable in large groups or with people that I don't know and that hasn't changed since I stopped drinking. The thing is, now I know I don't have to drink just so I do feel comfortable. I'd rather feel the genuine emotion of discomfort and try to deal with it than drink to get through it.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Hey i was feeling like that Friday....but it's the unbalance of things.It does fall into place...do believe you're ok...it's a first step to make the right decisions....everybody's on my tail, but i know with the help of God, support and myself i will do this, you will too!do anything to be healthy, that's a very important thing to survive in this world...i am feeling much stronger, how about you?
our very point of start in this universe is our own person..we are our start, our center of healing!
take care
our very point of start in this universe is our own person..we are our start, our center of healing!
take care
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
[QUOTE=chimineria;135639Physically I am slowly feeling much better -- mentally I feel as if
I am going insane. Emotions bouncing all over the place -- one
minute I will feel strong and full of hope, the next I will be sobbing
uncontrollably in the ladies room.
The worst is the overwhelming waves of anxiety (panic attacks???) --
[/QUOTE]
Hi Chim,
Swap mens room for ladies room and I am exactly the same. This is my 8th day and the first 7 were mostly physical withdrawals and feeling sort of shell-shocked.
Last night and today depression and anxiety hit me like a lead weight. Panic attacks and even some paranoia. It is normal because I have gone through it many times before and it does get better but it is hard to remember that when you are in the middle of it, very hard.
Anyway just hang on tight, it will get better soon.
I am going insane. Emotions bouncing all over the place -- one
minute I will feel strong and full of hope, the next I will be sobbing
uncontrollably in the ladies room.
The worst is the overwhelming waves of anxiety (panic attacks???) --
[/QUOTE]
Hi Chim,
Swap mens room for ladies room and I am exactly the same. This is my 8th day and the first 7 were mostly physical withdrawals and feeling sort of shell-shocked.
Last night and today depression and anxiety hit me like a lead weight. Panic attacks and even some paranoia. It is normal because I have gone through it many times before and it does get better but it is hard to remember that when you are in the middle of it, very hard.
Anyway just hang on tight, it will get better soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: desert southwest
Posts: 34
Karimpatim
Hmm -- posted a response and it vaporized. Try again
I don't really know how strong I feel just yet - to me the road still seems very
very long and very very hard. I do believe though that with God's grace it is
a road that I can travel.
I hear your point about needing to heal (well change) the inner me.
In the time I have been lurking on this and the ALCOA boards I have recognized
myself in many of the posts and have come to see the anger, resentment,
hurt and rage that I have been keeping locked inside of me all of these years.
I have also come to understand the damage that clinging to those feelings has
done both to myself and others.
I have been down on my knees in tears to my HP asking him remove some of
the worst of them -- and true to His promise he has. To those on the outside
looking in it may seem that I have not traveled far -- I still struggle with sobriety,
I am still mired in crazy alcoholic thinking, I still don't have the skills to deal with
much of life as it comes. But perhaps for the first time in my life I have begun
to believe that I am not undeserving of what life could be. I no longer WANT to
harm myself with alcohol --- I WANT what I see some in these boards have. To
me that is a journey of a million miles --- and it gives me hope that I can move
forward.
Maybe the next time I am waivering at the door of an AA meeting I need to
reflect on where I am and where I've come from -- perhaps it will give me
what I need to propel myself through the door.
-P
Hmm -- posted a response and it vaporized. Try again
I don't really know how strong I feel just yet - to me the road still seems very
very long and very very hard. I do believe though that with God's grace it is
a road that I can travel.
I hear your point about needing to heal (well change) the inner me.
In the time I have been lurking on this and the ALCOA boards I have recognized
myself in many of the posts and have come to see the anger, resentment,
hurt and rage that I have been keeping locked inside of me all of these years.
I have also come to understand the damage that clinging to those feelings has
done both to myself and others.
I have been down on my knees in tears to my HP asking him remove some of
the worst of them -- and true to His promise he has. To those on the outside
looking in it may seem that I have not traveled far -- I still struggle with sobriety,
I am still mired in crazy alcoholic thinking, I still don't have the skills to deal with
much of life as it comes. But perhaps for the first time in my life I have begun
to believe that I am not undeserving of what life could be. I no longer WANT to
harm myself with alcohol --- I WANT what I see some in these boards have. To
me that is a journey of a million miles --- and it gives me hope that I can move
forward.
Maybe the next time I am waivering at the door of an AA meeting I need to
reflect on where I am and where I've come from -- perhaps it will give me
what I need to propel myself through the door.
-P
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