help with resentments
 

hey guys... i'm really struggling with resentment right now. i don't want to drink over anything at this point, but if i don't learn how to let things go i will want to. i'm, starting to want to smoke pot, been thinking about it a lot these last couple of days. how do you let go of things? i'm due to do a fourth step, but i really need some help with it... my sponsor doesn't even know i've done my third. (did it with someone else) i've called every day, but haven't gotten ahold of her yet.

anyway, any advice on the resentments? some days i'm o.k., but these last few i've really been feeling it. i feel silly... its the same ol' thing, really, that i've had for a few months...

thanks for reading the ramblings and any advice

gg

Hi ghostgirl,

I think that forgiveness is a huge key to living a sober life. And, it can be so hard to do. And, by forgiveness, I don't mean saying what happened was okay or forgetting about it. Forgivness is something you do for yourself and it enables you to shed the burden of resentment and anger and move forward without the load on your shoulders. I am usually only able to do it in small doses. It takes many layers of forgiving for me to be able to move along.

Glad you asked Ghostgirl. Let's see, I finally figured out that 99.999999999999% of my resentments come from:

"What is he/she/it/they not doing, that I want he/she/it/they to do, when I want he/she/it/they to do it, to MAKE ME MORE COMFORTABLE."

Let me tell you I sure didn't like that one. Damn, that meant when I pointed the finger at someone else I had three pointing back at me. I sure didn't like that, that took it right back to the Big Book where it says "our troubles are basically of our own making."

So what to do........................well first it was suggested that I take a brown paper grocery bag and with magic marker write on it in big letters GOD'S BAG. Then every time I had a problem or a resnetment I was to write it down on a piece of paper, fold the paper up real tiny and put it in God's Bag. Pretty soon there were lots more tiny folded up pieces of paper. Now the 'corker' to this was....................if I wanted to continue to fret about a particular one I HAD TO TAKE IT OUT OF GOD'S BAG. Oh man, do you know how long it takes to go through all those pieces of paper. Sheesh, it soon just became easier (yep the 'easier, softer way, lol) just to leave it in God's Bag.

Also I had to pray for the person, that they get what they needed for 14 DAYS STRAIGHT, and if I missed a day, I had to start over.

Those two methods sure helped me to get rid of resentments in a big hurry. Sure made my daily living less stressful and chaotic.

A brief suggestion regarding your sponsor. If you are having so much trouble getting ahold of her, especially in early sobriety and during the step work, she may not be thesponsor for you and it may be time to look around for a new sponsor.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,

right on, anna! forgiveness and patience - with/in myself and others makes for peaceful days. i also believe that for me anyway, resentments are usually based in some fears. when i can let go of fears, i have stronger recovery moments.

blessings, k

hi gg...

i'm due for a 4th step myself, me and the spons just finished some reading and now ive got my homework assignment. i have a hard time with the word "advice", but i will more than gladly share my experience, strength, and hope with you.

resentment is the #1 offender for me... it will kill me if i don't kill it first. if there's a specific person i'm resenting i pray for them, that they have every blessing i would want for myself granted. then, i write sometimes, if i think it'll help. i try to pray for these people every day for at least a week, sometimes two if i don't feel that tense-chest-feeling start to fade. same deal for institutions, 'cause i have a lot of anger about global issues, and i just pray and pray. most of my resentments come from me thinking i'm running the show, and when i humble myself and work on my gratitude, my resentments tend to ebb away.

oh! make a gratitude list. :) that's what my sponsor makes me do. and, most importantly, don't pick up... you're not going to kill the resentment, but you might kill yourself, and that would suck big time. good luck!

hey guys thanks... am really down today. funny that things don't bother me some days, some they do.

yeah, thats me all over... i want what i want when i want it.

i've been to a lot of meetings lately, but i could "feel" this swing coming on. blah.

gg

Right there with you, gg. Coming out of it, finally. Keep doing the 'do' things, even when you don't feel like it. And keep reaching out. It will lift.

(((((gg))))))

rowan you are so awesome... thank you so much.

((rowan))

gg