wussed out
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
wussed out
Well I was going to go to an AA meeting tonight. I made it to the parking lot, but didn't make it inside. It's not like I've never been to a meeting before. Been to plenty of AA meetings in rehab and a bunch of NA meetings when I got out. They never really seemed to help me much, but I thought I'd give it another try. Pot was/is my drug of choice, though alcohol has always been a good pinch hitter when there was no pot to be had. I've been 30 day's clean from pot, today, but had replaced it with binge drinking several times a week. I was a 24/7 pothead, but only drank at night.
I haven't drank since Saturday nite. On the way to the meeting I seriously considered going to the city to score some pot, but I didn't. I seem to get this way around "landmark" days, ie:30,60,90, etc. Got a bunch of white tags, and a couple of 30's, though 28 of those days were in rehab. Never made it to 60. It's one reason why I try not to count days. I quit on the first of the month, so it's kinda hard not to keep track.
I pulled up to the meeting, circled the lot a couple of times, and just felt the anxiety kick in. The same kind of thing used to get to me when I had to cold call in sales. I know nothing bad is going to happen to me, but the idea of going into a room full of strangers and interacting with them is terrifying. I thought I had gotten over that stuff, guess not.
Oh well, maybe I'll try again on Friday. At least I didn't drink or use. I came home and rode my bike hard for about a half hour. Can't ride it as hard as I used to. Could be all the pot smoke I suppose. Guess that's it for me. Take care.
I haven't drank since Saturday nite. On the way to the meeting I seriously considered going to the city to score some pot, but I didn't. I seem to get this way around "landmark" days, ie:30,60,90, etc. Got a bunch of white tags, and a couple of 30's, though 28 of those days were in rehab. Never made it to 60. It's one reason why I try not to count days. I quit on the first of the month, so it's kinda hard not to keep track.
I pulled up to the meeting, circled the lot a couple of times, and just felt the anxiety kick in. The same kind of thing used to get to me when I had to cold call in sales. I know nothing bad is going to happen to me, but the idea of going into a room full of strangers and interacting with them is terrifying. I thought I had gotten over that stuff, guess not.
Oh well, maybe I'll try again on Friday. At least I didn't drink or use. I came home and rode my bike hard for about a half hour. Can't ride it as hard as I used to. Could be all the pot smoke I suppose. Guess that's it for me. Take care.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
hi tyler,
Yeah I still get butterflies around milestone times. I just go to more meetings and talk to members every day and even so I had a lot of trouble with the latest milestone but did not use, can't say I behaved well though.
I remember not wanting to go in to the meetings, not looking at anyone and not feeling part of it. Rather than look at it as total, why not just go with your only intention for that meeting to be to listen to speakers or talk to a member or get some literature. For me that is baby steps, a way to be there without feeling overwhelmed.
Thinking of you.
Kevin
Yeah I still get butterflies around milestone times. I just go to more meetings and talk to members every day and even so I had a lot of trouble with the latest milestone but did not use, can't say I behaved well though.
I remember not wanting to go in to the meetings, not looking at anyone and not feeling part of it. Rather than look at it as total, why not just go with your only intention for that meeting to be to listen to speakers or talk to a member or get some literature. For me that is baby steps, a way to be there without feeling overwhelmed.
Thinking of you.
Kevin
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Yeah I still get butterflies around milestone times.
See, Tyler?
we ALL do ... this is why we're not alone, hon.
The hardest meeting to go to is the first one.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 53
[QUOTE=tyler;1352415]Well I was going to go to an AA meeting tonight. I made it to the parking lot, but didn't make it inside.
Never made it to 60. It's one reason why I try not to count days. I quit on the first of the month, so it's kinda hard not to keep track.
I pulled up to the meeting, circled the lot a couple of times, and just felt the anxiety kick in. The same kind of thing used to get to me when I had to cold call in sales. I know nothing bad is going to happen to me, but the idea of going into a room full of strangers and interacting with them is terrifying. I thought I had gotten over that stuff, guess not.
Tyler,
This is me. I have been in sales for over 20 years and I still feel this way sometimes. I have actually done very well. But it just feeds the need to take the anxiety off prior, or to decompress after the call. Good work on no pot for 30 days, but don't do what I did in my drug/alcohol career. Don't replace weed with alcohol. Trust me.
Never made it to 60. It's one reason why I try not to count days. I quit on the first of the month, so it's kinda hard not to keep track.
I pulled up to the meeting, circled the lot a couple of times, and just felt the anxiety kick in. The same kind of thing used to get to me when I had to cold call in sales. I know nothing bad is going to happen to me, but the idea of going into a room full of strangers and interacting with them is terrifying. I thought I had gotten over that stuff, guess not.
Tyler,
This is me. I have been in sales for over 20 years and I still feel this way sometimes. I have actually done very well. But it just feeds the need to take the anxiety off prior, or to decompress after the call. Good work on no pot for 30 days, but don't do what I did in my drug/alcohol career. Don't replace weed with alcohol. Trust me.
came-came to-came to believe
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,116
I pulled up to the meeting, circled the lot a couple of times, and just felt the anxiety kick in
Hi Tyler-
Boy do I relate to that!!!!!!
I went to my first AA meeting in 1989 and I am sad to say that I have been going to meetings on and off since then. I finally got back this time around and I had to "fake it till I made it" so to speak....fake that I felt comfortable etc.
Now I actually do.
I know all to well where "my" maintenance regimen brought me time and time again.
I really hope you find your way back to the rooms. I know for me,
it's my only hope.
Hi Tyler-
Boy do I relate to that!!!!!!
I went to my first AA meeting in 1989 and I am sad to say that I have been going to meetings on and off since then. I finally got back this time around and I had to "fake it till I made it" so to speak....fake that I felt comfortable etc.
Now I actually do.
I know all to well where "my" maintenance regimen brought me time and time again.
I really hope you find your way back to the rooms. I know for me,
it's my only hope.
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Thanks ontrack, I did find myself doing that, reconized it and nipped it in the bud. Well given my love for pot, maybe bud isn't the best term!!! LOL
I also did well in sales, but it was killing me, as was what I was doing in order to manage the job. I got out of it and am going to start school in August for Massage Therapy. Hopefully it will be a bit lower stress. Take care.
I also did well in sales, but it was killing me, as was what I was doing in order to manage the job. I got out of it and am going to start school in August for Massage Therapy. Hopefully it will be a bit lower stress. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hey Tyler, could you get someone to go to a meeting with you? You had mentioned your mother - or is that not cool? 
Maybe if you bring her with you to an open meeting, or even a buddy, it will help to get you in the door? When I'm having a hard time going on my own, I'll call a friend to meet me there.
I still get a little anxious walking in, so I make sure I show up plenty early and help set up - the place is virtually empty when I get there.
You can do it!!
Maybe if you bring her with you to an open meeting, or even a buddy, it will help to get you in the door? When I'm having a hard time going on my own, I'll call a friend to meet me there.
I still get a little anxious walking in, so I make sure I show up plenty early and help set up - the place is virtually empty when I get there.
You can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I know nothing bad is going to happen to me, but the idea of going into a room full of strangers and interacting with them is terrifying
The fellowship is one of my favorite parts of\f AA now. It wasn't at frist.
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